Loose yourself in me
Then find yourself in me..

Today
For the first time
In a long time
I chose me
I made my happiness
My highest priority
And I am so proud of that decision

A dictionary will tell you
that drowning
is the submersion in and inhalation of water.
But I know the truth.
I am drowning in sadness
and loneliness
and despair.
In grief.
In isolation.
In self-criticism.
I'm drowning in my thoughts.
I'm drowning in desires
and emotion
and passion.
In anxiety.
In darkness.
In depression.
I'm drowning in fallen dreams, regrets, mistakes.
I'm drowning
I'm drowning
I'm drowning
and not a drop of water in sight.

maybe your hand does fit better in hers
and her wrists will be clean,
And the acid in her stomach will stay there.
her hands won’t shake while talking to your parents
and while you guys make love, she won’t cry because she had never felt so much love inside of her
and maybe her lungs won’t be stained black from cigarettes and
her veins won’t have alcohol running through them as much as mine did
hopefully, her bones will be stronger, and when she gets pushed down they won’t all shatter
and she will only be left with bruises and scratches on her knees

I wish I chose me
Instead of you
But, I didn't
Now we are here
Who do I choose
I can't choose us both

The rope around my neck will never hold me up long enough to see God.
The slits on my wrist that turn my bath water red won’t ever sound like songs sung by the choir.
The bottles of water and pills aren’t the same as the body and blood of Jesus Christ, but I use them as they are.
The bruises that cover my skin aren’t kisses from angels, but when you kissed them, I felt angels lips on my skin.
When you spoke words, I felt God around me, and while you were inside of me, I felt holy.
The times I spent on my knees felt like I was praying for your mercy, but unlike God, you won’t forgive my sins.
So if I get to heaven and don’t see your face, then I will finally understand who you are.
You left me with a tan line on my ring finger and a prayer on my lips.