I still don't believe the fact that you're gone.
I don't want to know that everyday that I wake up is another day without you.
That every time the moon rises and the sun sets you're not able to sit there with me and enjoy it.
That when it rains you're not there to play in it with me.
That when I hear yelling I don't have you to go to for comfort.
That when i am upset I don't have your shoulder to cry on.

I see those pictures of us and of you and of other people all smiling and happy and I can't help to be upset because I think of a time that was but never will be again.
I see the happiness in your eyes, I see the sun shining and there were no cloudy days.
I see everything being okay and it seems that was the only perfect time in this life and every other life, was when you were here.
Everybody was okay, even the people that didn't know you seemed to grow sadder and sadder once you were gone.
Nothing is the same anymore and nobody seems to understand why.
Death is a natural thing but it doesn't seem so natural when it comes to it happening to you.
You weren't supposed to go.
You were immortal.
You were a superhero, my superhero.
You saved me from the bad guys, the bad boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends.
From everybody.
But now you're gone, and I'm vulnerable.

I just want you back in this world, and not far away watching from above the clouds.
I want to know that no matter what happens to me I'll be okay because you're right by my side.
I need to feel your embrace again.
I want to go to the grocery store with you again.
I want to go camping and hiking and fishing and do all those things we used to do.

I want to know you're okay.
But I will never know that.
I need to be okay.
But I never will be.

dear father,

why.
why why.
why why why.

why did you have to leave me

so unexpectedly.

leave me in this world to be on my own.

with no one to go to.

why, father why.

how am i suppose to know

what to do.

a year has gone by

and im still wondering.

did you want to leave.

was i too much of a burden for you.

if so please tell me somehow.

but father,

why why why
why why
why

sometimes I wish I could go back to the day I saw your lifeless body laying in that casket.
because I'd rather feel that pain than nothing at all.

i still remember the look in his eyes.
The way he looked at my body.
As if i was a piece of meat.
A piece of candy on Halloween.
Like what i wanted didnt matter.

I could tell he couldnt wait to do what he pleased.
Because he knew i wouldnt be able to do anything.
Even though i said no he still pulled me into his grasp.
i was scared
but he didnt care.

he went in as hard as he could no matter how much i pleaded.
his eyes looked hungry

im still scared to this day to see that look in someones eyes.
it gives me nightmares and makes me want to cry
i never want to see those eyes again.