i stayed up all night
waiting for a text from you.
sunlight knocked on my bedroom window,
but i just shut it out once again...
i refuse to let anything other than u in

you know, i could never fall asleep properly until i heard from you...
so i guess you could say i haven’t gotten much sleep these past few months.
i have been staring at my ceiling for so long,
trying to picture us together again,
that i’ve nearly forgotten what the rest of the world looks like.

i never thought the day would come where my longing for you would bring me nothing but misery,
but here i am,
staring at my ceiling,
the sunlight is starting to creep in on me...
so i guess it’s time for me to close my blinds again.

i have anxiety
undiagnosed.

sometimes it feels like my head is stuffed with crumpled ***** of paper: the things I never said, the things I should have never said, the things that someone never said to me.

all of these things are written on every piece of paper
there are so many right now that no more would be able to fit
yet i can't stop thinking things, i can't stop saying stupid things, i can't stop wishing things.

i sigh I reach up to my forehead and i grasp my bangs
with my shaky hands and pull

i'm hoping one day when i do this
the top of my head will yank open
all of these crumpled pieces of thoughts
will pour out in a pile
on the floor
i will kneel down
and uncrumple each and every piece
i will read each one
until my head fills up again.

You ripped it
my pretty little heart -
but that's okay because
now I can pin it
to a wall
and scream
This Is Art.

in the waves
of your gaze
    my ship
  bursts into
     dreams
                                as my mouth
                           watering for yours
                                fills me with
                                     unease
                                                          ­              endlessly
                                         ­                                longing
                                                         ­             to permeate
                                                        ­           on your reverie
                                                         ­                  steam
                                    to dim
                                 the lights
                            of your sirenic
                                   breeze
                                                          ­           to undress
                                                         ­        the complexity
                                                      ­            of your mind
                                                            ­           scheme

                                        i solemnly live
                                     to hear your name
                                  that even the silences
                                               scream