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 Jan 2015 Brittle Bird
Gwen
I was taught to believe that your body meant nothing.
So I gave every part of it to people I never cared about.
I let their hands wander
I let them do whatever.

In a way I liked feeling wanted,
Even if it was only for 20 minutes in the back of a car
Or rushed before parents came home.

I was content with being used
I was content with being temporary

But deep down,
All I wanted was to be loved.

I wanted someone to want more for more than my body,
To tell me they loved me,
Rather than they lusted for me.

I gave up on being loved,
Accepting that I was just a toy
That I was only worth my body

Till someone came along
They told me they loved me
They told me they cared about me
They meant every word they said

They kissed me softly
And touched me with the lights on
We held hands
And we fell in love
Sorry if this is horrific and too long
 Jan 2015 Brittle Bird
Gwen
WHY
 Jan 2015 Brittle Bird
Gwen
WHY
I stand in shower,
rubbing at my skin trying to rid myself of your touch.
If I could,
I'd shed my skin all together.

It's been years and I can still remember the fear in my heart when I woke up
You took my sleeping as silent consent
Even though I was only 9.

I thought for so long that it was my fault.
I fear every man I meet,
I worry that he'll be just like you.

I still have nights where I worry that
You'll wake me up again.

I feel so used
So worthless,
and you ruined by life.

I stopped caring about my body,
I let others use me,
I let others treat me like trash
Because I felt like I was.

I stopped eating
and started to hurt myself in order to feel.

I still hate my body
and I still remember what places you touched
Where the bruises were.

You Ruined My Life
 Jan 2015 Brittle Bird
burned up
tears roll down my cheeks,
giving a source to the sobs that wrack my body
sitting away in the confines of my room,
I'm hoping that my dry heaves hitch my breathing
that the water descending from my eyes fills my lungs
so that the only air that fills the room is naturally occurring photosynthesis
because these water droplets rolling down my face, catching my chin
serve no purpose except reminding me of my agony
so I want to put them to use
and use them to drown me
i want nothing to do with you
the way your bones once held mine
i wish they would all fall apart
collapse at the sight of me
independent
melt into mine like they once did
wake up and realize the sensations were real for once
it wasn't a dream you woke up from
but that you and i never fell asleep at all
awake
lost
deep in thought
too stubborn to realize whats in front of us
dropping on hands and knees
screaming why
my hand is held out to you
but this is long overdue
i don't know what else to do
just grab on already its been long enough
swallow your pride
and for once
we can finally say that we're where we want to be
just like always
you'll turn and take it as a joke
and leave me tangled undone
(Jan 9, 1:07 pm)
 Jan 2015 Brittle Bird
Sombro
I lie here, slack of face
Winding my fingers through the
Strings like they were bandages
Mummified in my own sound.
 Jan 2015 Brittle Bird
elizabeth
vs.
 Jan 2015 Brittle Bird
elizabeth
vs.
it's a shame
that we cannot
appreciate
what others have
without comparison
word: shame
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