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burned up Jun 2015
You asked me if I would ever relive the happiest moment of my life
But only if I also relived the pain and everything thereafter, exactly as it happened
But I don't think I ever would
Not because the pain was too great, though it was immeasurable, that's not why I would refuse
My happiest moment has changed innumerable times since I have been alive so why wouldn't it change again?
At one time in my life, it was three of us lying in bed watching a movie and falling asleep way too early
Then it was staying up way too late and just laughing because that's all we could do without falling asleep
Then it was a different three sitting on the roof of a house under construction
Or getting drunk at home just because we could
Then to the streets of new york, just existing in the big city
Now to picnics at the hilltop taking pictures so we'll always remember
But one day you may hate me, or not even remember my name
But right now my happiest moment is with you and I know it is subject to change
And so will the next one
But I wouldn't go back even if my life only gets worse from here
Because I know it won’t
It will only get better because life is ever ascending
And it can only get better from here
It's been a while
burned up May 2015
Raging winds and rain and booming thunder
Thoughts paint the sky dark gray until it is no longer the water in your eyes that stops you from seeing
Trees shake and leaves tremble
Even shadows quake in fear
Your rain-soaked hands keep you from holding on
Because you don't have the means to dry yourself off
You fly in whatever direction the wind takes you because you know it is stronger than you are
When you think that there cannot possibly be any escape from this tempest downpour
Finally, there is silence
Every breath you take echoes through the departed uproar
Leaves stand still and shadows come out of their hiding places
You stand up and wipe tear-stained cheeks with soaking hands and you can still hear faint sounds of thunder in the distance
And as you stand you look behind you and see the same fate you have escaped waits for you once more
But rain cannot bother someone who is already drenched
And running in circles will only make you tired
For now you have entered into stillness
And now is all you need
burned up May 2015
We spent more time in your car
Than anywhere else we've ever been
Because we cared more about being together than where we were going
What was important was that the song that we both loved played on the radio
And our hands were intertwined over the center console
And red lights were an opportunity to be there longer
But no music ever sounds as sweet when it's been pulled apart over the space that now resides between us
And I have no desire left to sit in traffic in a car that is not yours with someone who is not you
But you don’t seem to have the same setback
You take the same risks you took with me and pass them on to someone else
You hold someone else's hand when you should have both of yours on the steering wheel
You look into someone else's eyes when you should be focused on the road
And I
I've stopped wearing my seat belt
Because I'd rather fly headfirst through a windshield
Than to live another day knowing that you don't love me anymore
burned up May 2015
I feel like the earth that is in love with the sun
Always feeling the warmth
But it just keeps turning in circles
Spinning around because it knows there are other planets too
That it is not the only one receiving the light
But that doesn't seem to matter
Because the gravitational pull is too strong
So that trying to get out would be pointless
Not that it has any desire to
Because it is comfortable
But what it does not realize
Is the universe is so much bigger than that created by the sun
If it were to just let go
What it could see would be more beautiful than it could imagine
If only it would let go
If only I could let go
burned up Apr 2015
I am walking through a ghost town
That is full of live people
But the smell of graveyard flowers softly whispers the names of the dead
I no longer want to know the emotions behind your actions
I have no desire to let you distort my views so that I feel sorry for the things you did
I can never be sure that love lived in the first place
And to think that it did brings no comfort to the situation
But I can't stop
All I wonder is if it has died forever
My mind has been placed on house arrest
I spent all this time trying to run from my thoughts only to realize they were tied to my ankle
So I can find no escape
I am invisible
And as I watch everyone move around me
I know that you have placed me here
With the rest of the dead
Because you could no longer bear to see the casualties you have caused
So I sit here in silence
Watching you do the same to another
Because even if I did call out
She wouldn't be able to hear me
So I listen to your twisted lies
And the cries of the fallen
With tears rolling down my cheeks
Rest In Peace
burned up Apr 2015
It's easier for me to learn by doing
Because I like being able to apply my knowledge
I would rather participate in a religious festival than read about it in a book
I would rather talk about what I've learned than to take a test
I would rather complete an experiment than to watch it being done
Which is why I have to let you hurt me
So I will learn why I can't trust you
burned up Apr 2015
I have this dream
Of the two of us driving across the country
In our ******* jeep
With the sunset in the rear view mirror
Listening to music from years ago that we both love
That reminds us of every good memory we've ever had
And we drive nowhere in particular but far from where we are
Trying to see as much as we can only so we can appreciate it
And for now, we are excited
It is only us on this adventure that we've planned for years
And maybe we'll get tired of each other
No doubt that we will
But we'll spend some time alone when we need to
And always get back on the road
And together we will marvel at the world we have only seen in pictures
And perhaps take some of our own
And I hope that this plays out as I have imagined
That it is not just a dream
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