day 1
i first noticed the way your lips cave in. it happened when you said hello to me. and again when you said goodbye
day 3
nonstop smiley faces in the texts you sent me
day 6
you held my hand, you kissed me
day 7
one week went by and you already invited me to your house. i showed up unaware that i was going to meet your parents. i found out later you planned for this to happen. i mean as soon as i walked into your house, your mom pulled into the driveway.
day 8
you showed me around your town. where your first kiss was. where you slept one night when your dad kicked you out.
day 12
i remember how you came to my house, waited outside and called me on the phone to ask what i was doing. i told you that i was reading. you said to bring the book with me. i asked where we were going and after a few seconds of silence, you turned on the radio to my favorite band and innocently said, “i don't know”
day 23
you saw me play my music live for the first time. afterwards, you said i was the most talented girl you’ve ever met
day 26
you took me to 5 museums in one day. i learned a lot. well, about you
day 31
i found out that dogs make you happy. also that you’re allergic to bees and you have a birthmark on the left side of your lower back
day 56
you told me that letting go isn't the same as giving up, but that its the opposite of holding on
day 62
i was stressed. you came over, held me, and played guitar for awhile. i layed there and listened with my eyes closed
day 103
you said, “im just in love with the way you say my name” i responded by well, saying your name
day 111
you said, “this is realest thing ive ever had in my life”
day 122
i loved you
day 123
i loved you
day 124
i loved you even more
day 179
we spent the night on the beach. it wasn’t a typical family beach, or a place where you could to go with friends. we found it ourselves, we loved it and we made it ours
day 200
when i was little, my mom would always tell me to love without limits and on this day, i realized that you were the only reason i was able to succeed one of her expectations
day 240
i realized the amount of times you called went from twice a day to once, but only even numbered days of the month. the odd numbered ones you didn’t call at all. it was okay thoug. when we did talk, it was worth every minute of waiting
day 261
when i hadn’t heard from you in precisely 49 hours, i decided to call your mother. she said you have been spending a lot of time at school, that i shouldn’t worry about you or anything
day 279
i went to the drug store, bought 5 bars of your favorite candy and then went straight to your house but you weren’t there so i left them in your mailbox
day 280
no call
day 281
no call
day 282
no call
day 283
you called me. well, for 2 minutes. -hi! how are you -good -how was your day today? -good
day 296
i still loved you
day 304
i hadn’t heard from you in a week and a half
day 305
i hadn’t heard from you in a week and a half plus a day
day 328
i was going through some old cardboard boxes that i keep underneath my bed, i found one that had pictures we took together. you looked happy and i was in love with how happy you were
day 330
i decided to go to our beach but when i got there it was covered in trash so i left
day 340
i never missed anything more than the sight of seeing you dancing around in an empty parking lot
day 341
i decided to get in my car and drive without a destination. it was the closest way to get to you
day 362
i still loved you
day 363
i still loved you
day 364
i really still did love you
day 365
i did the opposite of holding on. i let go

I was never a rose,
But green
Not a chrysanthemum,
Nor an orchid
Something cut,
Walked upon
And yet,
You were the dew
And kissed me,
With a thousand moist kisses
Everynight,
Making me sparkle
In the sunrise

If I were to sing a song, I think it would be sad.
And I think, that you would be surprised.
I think you would expect me to sing something happy.
Or funny.
Because I am the calm one, the one with the optimism, who says,
it's not the end of the world, not yet
not so long as we stand together, united
and i do not let you go, because
i won't let you fall off the edge
But the lullaby I sing is mine, not yours,
And just because you still have your hope,
Courtesy, in part, to me,
Does not mean that I have mine.
And thus, if I were to sing a lullaby, I think it would be sad.

I can smell the wax burning
20 candles I dont want to blow out
In only 5 hours
I'll have learned 20 more lessons
On how to be a man
They never teach this in school
How to provide for your own
How to love without getting hurt
Its only mathematics and history
Neither which will save me
From dreading the day
I hear infant cries from across the hall
How do prepare for adulthood
When the world only wants to watch you fail
I have 20 birthday candles to blow out
On only a donut
While I'm speeding through traffic
Rushing to work
Because my alarm didn't go off
How do just grow up
When nobody teaches you about life
Its not a manual you can read
Its not a book you can check out
Its just something you learn the hard way
So before you ask me who gave me
Black eyes and broken bones
Know life has been beating the **** out me
Because I was never ready
For a life where only you
Stood before judges and juries
Sentenced to death
For murdering the voices
You grew tired of hearing
20 years I've struggled
Nothing ever got better
I'm still begging
Someone teach me
Before I face tomorrow

What meets the human eye is something that we shouldnt even bother to see,
its not about whats on the skin its about whats underneath,
not the clothes or the hair,
its not fair,
to just judge someone on how they look,
it like judging a book by its cover,
but society has caused people to change,
shes too skinny or too thin is always being said,
or her smile is crooked or her hair is thin,
does it even matter at the end of the day,
eventually those pretty looks will fade away,
i think its safe to say that a good heart will always stay,
so why torture a good person for how they look, eh?
dont judge someone unless you've walked a mile in there shoes,
because maybe the prettiest girl at school goes through a lot too,
but you just go by what you see,
dont take there effort to actually read,
because your still to busy looking at the cover,
the world would be so much easier if we didnt judge eachother,
were all beautiful in our own way,
just remember to think before you say.

This world we live in
OH BOY, where do I begin?
I can't believe people actually live this way
So disrespectful, rude & inconsiderate
Some are so quick to hate
Pointing their fingers at others to blame
With not even having the smallest ounce of shame
Being sneaky & spiteful
Plotting multiple ways to be vengeful
Others are defeated by words & actions of their rival
& become desperately suicidal
In their mind they can't do anything right
Living their life just isn't worth the fight
Their eyes have run dry
No more tears to even attempt to cry
Emotionless, another day they've managed to complete
Smiles faked for those they greet
Most hide their sadness very well
Even their loved ones couldn't tell
Silently disappearing into the background
& before you realize it, they no longer are around
So don't be blind to your words & how you act
You never know who you will impact
& ignore all these idiots
Who can talk trash but can't take it dished back, ******* hypocrites!!
But remember this too, it's just as important
Giving smiles & cheer in a large abundant
ISN'T always a person being fake
They just appreciate life & each breath they take
The best way to keep your soul at peace & balance
.....DON'T judge someone at first glance
There's always more than what you know
Types still exists, even if right away they don't show
It's not always about how you look
Like a missing cover on a book
You shouldn't assume it's trash & throw it away since it's worn
Like a person who's genuinely happy even if their clothes are torn
Stop being ruthless jerks!!
It's NOT how this world works!!

if you walked a thousand miles in my shoes you still
would not have any room judge me
where'd that idea come from, anyway?
that because you see what I see and walk where
I walk you have the power and knowledge to
write a book of every mistake I've ever made
and set it right outside of the gates of heaven
so that when my time comes I know it was your
words that left me dead?
people are not god's
you grew up reading mythology, watching the half-human
Hercules build a wall on top of his shoulders and carrying
it even throughout his most human times
I grew up reading poetry, memorizing the beauty of
metaphors to the point where I decided that when I grew up
I would become one and everything I do would be one
no wonder we have such different outlooks on life.
if someone put a knife through your back, you would die
you are not immortal because people are not gods
so why allow them to do what they do?
I told myself you would never make me sick again, ever
let me have a 105 degree fever and a pain in my shoulder
before I ever get nauseous remembering what happened
what was said or what we both did, but when I went to
the doctor and begged him to cure me he just filled his
syringe up with a photographic memory and inserted it
directly into my veins whispering
people are not god's
people are not god's
if you want to became the hands on a clock learn to
add and subtract and memorize when the sun rises and sets
if you are dead set on becoming something no one can
touch without crumbling to a pile of dust
breathe deep and walk tall
move as if your spine is made of words
that were said in such a fragile time that if you distribute
your weight improperly the tightrope will break
act as if it is never a fragile time
even though it is 99% of the time, but say it's not
say it's all just fine until your mind is snickering because
it has convinced the rest of your body it's able to keep running
people are not gods, people are not gods
people are just people and that's all they'll ever be
a mere five and a half feet, unless you allow them to
put on stilts and start walking around in your head