Happiness within a pill.
That’s the only kind I can feel.
Fully inside me it fills,
And I feel like an electric eel

Tzzt. Ooh.  
The rhythm
of my nervous system
unearthed.

Is this happiness for real?
Is this pleasure an illusion?
Or temporarily revealed
under the layers of contusions

Left by life
on my heart?

I dragged the heavy barrel across my throat.  Cold metal scraped the anger from my flesh, leaving delicate raised hairs on my pale, freckled skin. Paused for a moment to consider but decided against it and brushed my cheek tenderly with the slide.  My eyelids fluttered slowly and a pleasure stirred between my fatty thighs.

The last time.  I sighed in serenity and surrendered myself to my ego for the last time.  I briefly let myself believe that what I was going to do, meant something.  Though, a little deeper inside I knew the truth.  I knew it wasn’t going to mean ****.  

The muzzle now rested on my lips.  My tongue slipped between them and played a muscle memory of lust.  I wanted it like I had wanted nothing before… because I had wanted nothing before.  This world offered nothing.  

Click.

The last thing I heard was a single breath, one slow inhalation.

Only the universe loves me.



The wind’s gonna blow my spirit up into the sky.

So, I can give the stars a hug.

Cosmic kisses on my face.  Ripping my skin apart.

The laws of physics are really going to break my heart.

If I could talk not
I would never, forever.

Silently thrilled
by the voiceless unwords within

If I could talk not, forever.

If I could talk not
I would never, forever.

Thinking the doing
creating the world end and begin

If I could talk not, forever.

I’ve got a heat,
I’ve got a fire,
I’ve got got an iciness
sharp as a spire.

I’m like a bad faucet
too cold or too hot
You can try for a lifetime
and not find the right spot

I drip when you try to sleep
I’m weak when you need me strong
Sometimes I will burn your skin
Sometimes I can’t keep hot very long

failing to control me,
turning the knobs.
Call up a plumber.
I’ve got a tough job.

I’m a rebel. I’m a rebel.
I’m a crier.I am sick.
I’m a fighter who wants to love you.
but I can't unless you’re quick.

Hold me down and listen.
Feed me my own tears.
**** **** **** ****.
**** away my fears.

Love me, please love me
though it’s true you’ll never know
but I’ll hate you if you love me
Because all you love’s a shallow hole.

My wrist hurts.  

I feel like there’s poison in it.
Like I need to bleed it out.  
But I don’t want my insides to show.  
I don’t want to be exposed to these strangers.

They won’t appreciate the depth of my wound.  They will only see the blood,  
They wont study the biology, the beauty, the physics.
They wont know me like I do.  Me and my alien blood.  
Foreign  body,
foreign spirit.  They wont hear it.
they can’t hear me crying out,
shouting,
screaming, “free me!
Perceive me! Hold me!”  
I just choke down a sob and die.  Too slowly.  
Promises undelivered.  
Restless ideals.
Restless desires.