I would rather you be
A contrast to my pale expectations,
Than to merge into
The lowest pit of my imagination.

I would rather for it
To be the absolute worst day,
For I only like things to fit
Into the right plates on my tray.

Destroy everything I thought was right,
It'll be the most beautiful destruction I've ever seen,
Open all the jars and throw away the lids,
Teach me how to love the scariest places I've ever been.

Cause I'd rather be proven wrong,
Than continue this stale truth,
My mind needs a reevaluation,
Before it sweeps away my drying youth.

And in a different track,
Runs this parallel train,
Vision focused on the rails,
To acknowledge a hello refrained.

It won't leave me alone,
That nagging voice,
We all know the story,
One day she's here,
The next day she's gone,
But why does she have to be me?

OUTSIDE THE OUTSIDE

There was no outside.

There was only
this room.

Only this moment
as if

the world had tiptoed away
into the dusk

leaving this room
floating in space

in the nothing
Time too it seemed

had gone.

She reached for
the razor blade.

You always spoke of making love
but only used me for a  ****

Like a bad dream you held me
My spine still clicking to the rhythm of your teeth
as you ever so gently wrapped your arms around me

You only spoke of making love
but it never happened, not once.

I only felt flame
but never fire underneath.
You only burned me,
always left me freezing.

The little boy who wasn’t there
Has playground dust all in his hair
Some other kids are gathered around
When he tries to rise, they knock him down.

The little boy who wasn’t there
Has no defenders anywhere
He doesn’t cry out, doesn’t speak
He knows the others think him weak.

The little boy who wasn’t there
Acted sad but nobody cared.
School blamed both boys in a fight
Did not find out who was right.

The little boy walks home alone
But nowhere is a safety zone.
They catch him just a block away
They call him ***, they call him gay.

The little boy can’t tell his Ma.
She’ll beat him and then tell his Pa.
They’ll both look at him like a freak.
Two more times he mustn’t speak.

The little boy goes to his room
And listens to the voice of doom.
Depression has become his friend.
He only wants this all to end.

Let me take you to the dark side of the woods
All that dies here is the good
Let me show you that spot
This is where I fought
He had me tied, I could go no where
I was terrified and scared
He did his deed
And left my soul forever to bleed
It will always seep with rage and anguish
Part of me will always remain and languish
There in the dark side of woods
That day all that died in me was the good