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 Jun 2016 Bailey
Louise Ruen
Flowers
 Jun 2016 Bailey
Louise Ruen
I know what you think, and that you think you  know what you see.
You know everything better than me.
You might be right, but I know that you’re wrong.
I feel the pull, but the pain is small
And all you have to say is: “You’ve changed” - and I hope you’re right
Now flowers are growing rampant in my mind.
Extending my horizon, making me realize that this life is beautiful
That this life is mine and mine alone
That eventhough I’m completely ordinary with crooked teeth and dull brown hair, I’m not hindred from doing  extraordinary things.
That’s what life’s really about.
I don’t need  future plans - which is great, because I have none -  but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what I want from life.
Call me liberal, if that means you allow me to live life the way I invision
See what’s beyond the flowerbed in my mind.
See the moon from South Africa, Brazil or maybe Tibet.
You should have known that I wouldn’t come back the same that I left
But all you say is: “You’ve changed”
All I can say is: “Good”
A couple of months ago I came across a picture through the social media that spoke to me. It illustrated two unknown identities (you could only see their frame). One had a few flowers coming out of her head. Her little speaking-bubble said: "You've changed". The other person replied "I Hope So". She had the double amount of flowers growing from her. Thinking about this picture today inspired this poem.
Don't be afraid to spread love, kindness and live up to your full potential. Extend your horizons and imbibe life. When it comes down to it, it's afterall pretty good.
 Jun 2016 Bailey
Maria Starchild
To the man who never loved me back
I have died over and over
On this canvas to paint you
I commit suicide for you
Every time I create an artwork
So that I could live
But still you cannot love me back

Sometimes I wish
To be emotionally and artistically barren
So I cannot therefore create
I cannot therefore write
I’ll just lay by your side
Dead
Maybe by then you’ll love me back

Your eyes tell me the words you cannot utter
The words you cannot whisper
These are the prayers I cannot answer

I know I am physically and mentally impaired
There are things that I can never give you
But I will never apologize
I will never say sorry to you
Instead,
I will offer you the things that she cannot give you,
The experiences only I can tell you
The pictures only my eyes can show you:
My time
My art
My death
I plead:
Will you now love me back?


I love you more than you love yourself.
I love you so much I forgot how to love myself.
I love you more than I loved myself.
Now, nobody loves me
Not even me
Why can’t you love me back?

Tell me honestly
Am I really hard to love?
Am I asking for too much?
How many more deaths do I have to take?
Tell me.
How can you love me back?

I have died a thousand times
Waiting for you to answer me
I have risen from the dead a thousand times
Still you are still
Still you remain silent
You cannot answer me back
But why can’t you?
Why can’t you love me back?

I am dying again
I thought I am already dead
And you are beyond death
Even if I die a thousand times again
I can never reach your death
For you are dead and blind
You are dead and deaf.
You are not lifeless
But you are dead
I am dead
But I am full of life


I think I’m alive because I love you
But loving you makes me feel dead
You’re the only one I live for
Yet you ****** me over and over again
You always rip me in half
You always break my heart.
You always ****** me
But the sun will always rise
From then I’ll be set free

You always break my heart
But not the soul inside of me
The caterpillar is born to be
A humble butterfly and free

You always break my heart
You always incinerate me
But I always rise like the phoenix
From the ashes I’m set free

You always break my heart
I am a willing martyr.
I am a *******,
You are my sadist.
I love you so much
I don’t care facing death
Again and again
Because you are the reaper of my soul
And I trust you
You take my life away with you
In exchange for the answer I am longing for
But you betray me
Still you cannot love me back

I am now hopeless
Now I am dead and lifeless.
You have lost my soul in space
Where it is impossible to find
For there are millions of souls lost in space: the stars
Crying as they twinkle
Waiting for the same answer
I’m waiting for:
When will you love me back?

Now I am emotionally and artistically barren.
I cannot create anything now
I am turning red and yellow
I am smiling
I am laughing through the pain
Happiness is immobilizing me
Writing this line kills me yet still
I write
For you
Can you now love me back?

I have died a thousand times to live.
You have taught me that
Death is rebirth
You said being dark blue is
Being beautiful
In deep sadness I can **** myself
And from the void I’ll be born again
I followed you
I became dark blue
But still
You never loved me back.

I am tired of being your toy
I am tired of being your doormat
I am tired of pleading
I am tired of being a fool
I thought I was tired of being alone
That’s why I needed your love
But now
All I want is to be alone
Because you’ll never love me back

I am tired of waiting for an answer
I am tired of waiting for your love
I am tired of dying over and over for you
I am tired of asking
Why can’t you love me back?


Now, I am waking up from the dead
Facing the reality:
I loved you,
So much
But you never loved me back.
I still love you so much
But still you cannot love me back

I have died a thousand times living for you.
I murdered myself to be someone you wanted to love
But still you made me feel like I am so hard to love.

I have died a thousand times living for you.
You murdered me to be someone who I am not
And now, I don’t know who I am anymore.

I have died a thousand times living for you.
I am not scared to die again
For I have seen death a million times
But if I will die again
It will be for my own sake
It will be for me
And not for you

I thought I would die without you
But without you,
I felt so much alive
I am better off without you
I would rather be alone forever
And die again and again alone
Than to be with you eternally

I am now tired of wanting you to love me back
I just want my lives back.
You are my death
Yet you are the elixir that revives me
You ****** me over and over again
And you bring me back to life again and again
But now why can’t you give me my life back?

I am tired of loving you now.
I am tired of dying
I am tired of living.
Forget my love for you
I just want my life back

I have died a thousand times living for you.
Now I don’t want to die loving you
Because I know you will not love me back

I have died a thousand times living for you.
Now I just want to live again.
I just want my life back.
Give me my life back.

-from the girl you never saw inside me.

(1,079 words)
 Jun 2016 Bailey
Star Gazer
Trolls
 Jun 2016 Bailey
Star Gazer
Trolls are
Faceless behind a screen
Preaching words of places they've never been
And feeding the flame to those who wish to perish,
"Just get another one" to those who had a recent miscarriage
It's all rather barbaric.
To have a tongue of barbed wires
With poison filled salivas
It's all very toxic.

Trolls have destroyed lives
behind words of a keyboard
Each keystroke a string of disasters
Each sentence a blood spilt on unspoilt grounds
And when death occurs they are no where to be found.

Trolls are underground gremlins
Who believe that building a bridge out of the corpses they make
is the only way they will ride to heaven.

Judge not lest ye be judged
But I believe the contrary,
I have not known your pain
I have not known what you suffer
But I will not wait for the words to buffer
For the videos to buffer
Just to hear and read your words
About how I don't belong on this world.

Build your bridges of corpses
Ride your keyboard horses
You won't be able to destroy
What has already been destroyed.
 Jun 2016 Bailey
Joshua Haines
There's a difference in these woods,
drifting between grey, scabby bark,
sifting into the moist, wormy soil,
beckoning for purpose,
breaking into the sound of a
becoming yet battered nature.

The footprints can be light, thorough --
almost a trait granted by the torture of eternity.
With head-weaves buoyant above tree-leaves,
a hyper-vigilance stemmed from the abuse
of a darkly philosophy weaponized;
an extension of the elbows, forearms, wrists
of huntsmen seeking inferno.

A hollow is an ideal resting place,
beyond the greased veins of trees,
fingertips delving into clustered black,
grasping an illusory livelihood,
only to imprison itself,
hoping for only a thoroughness
granted by the torture of eternity.

When love enters the picture,
it's best to fade into the skyline,
becoming a blue phantom,
hiding behind q-tip clouds,
balanced feebly, anxiously,
unable to realize
how easy you can be seen.
How easy it is to underestimate
your own significance.

You can drag a razor horizontally,
thinking the ink of space
will pour through, staining yourself,
watching yourself disappear,
hoping for only a thoroughness
granted by the torture of eternity.

-

I dance with her, a light caramel mutt,
in a purgatory of racial tension,
between black and white,
living in the grey area of society,
not knowing that it's okay --
and she is like me,
I've just realized.
 Jun 2016 Bailey
Joshua Haines
The boulders are freckled along the bank,
sleeping on lime-skin grass, grey and tired.
Fading black canvas shoes
attach to smooth, firm sides,
climbing a planet not as hard as ours.

From the distance, a spinning speck is seen.
With binoculars cupped around each eye,
you can see her twirl in the old, pink thing;
in the mirrors of light, you can see her beauty,
even if she has been blind her entire life.

You can see her rest her shoulder on a boulder,
gasps trying to grasp galloping breath --
and in between each choke, you must wonder
if you co-exist in this world
or separately, infinitely.

When you are drunk on the altitude,
it's time to step down and walk to sea-level.
Scurrying down thrown-up mountainside,
you should try not to trip on nature
or your own nature.
 Jun 2016 Bailey
Joshua Haines
Bugs
 Jun 2016 Bailey
Joshua Haines
I feel them staring, glaring --
I'm never sure.
My mind rewinds
to a different shore,
where fish have armored skin
that protects them from
pressures of Earthen spin.

They have legs like fingers,
the fish, the people,
that tramples me, samples me
until I'm withered, feeble.

The stares are like bugs,
striding across with curious rage.
Biting, learning, living
in the hollow of my rib cage.
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