"my problem was that no one ever
needed me as much as i needed
them."

i feel like pulling my hair out
saying that i wasn't what you expected...
you told me i caught your eye sitting alone in the lunch room
seeing my smile when my friends finally arrive
telling me that i'm gorgeous
acting like i was the only girl in the world for you
you made me believe you

why did i believe you?

a month later..
two days after giving me my first kiss
we hug
then as i'm about to walk away you tell me
"you weren't what i expected"

i should have seen it coming
i'm worthless...
lonely
desperate
you gave me a chance and i took it without thinking

i still have those sweet texts
"i can't believe such a beautiful girl is mine"
"you're the best girl in the world..."
so many sweet texts
i trusted you
you made me feel beautiful
you told me that was your goal
it worked...but you crushed it

you never thought of me as beautiful
i was just another girl
in the crowded hallways

what did you expect?

I hate this small town
full of small minded people
who suffocate me with empty promises and spiteful comments about the way I look and act.

i lay there on my perfectly white sheets
                              in a perfectly white room
my perfectly white skin
                              soon demolished by my perfectly dark sins
i close my eyes and smile
                               showing my perfectly white teeth
lower, there is a void
                               a void in my stomach
perfectly dark void
                               my wrists
clean and perfectly pure
                               though, a blade sits next to my hand
eyes still closed
                               i see my perfectly dark future
behind my perfectly dark eyelids
                               in my hand lies the blade
perfectly white blade covered in perfectly dark sins
                               my wrists
no longer perfectly pure
                                the perfectly dark sins hide my perfectly white skin
my smile fades
                                i open my mouth
letting my perfectly dark soul rise
                                a soul so big it casts a shadow
over this perfectly white room
                                 this is what i wanted
to set my perfectly dark sins
                                 that were disguised by my perfectly white lies
to set them free
                                 my body will now decay
into this perfectly dark world
                                  hidden behind our perfectly white lives

We break ourselves,
Trying to become whole.

The countless hours spent
Popping pills,
Smoking,
Drinking.
Just trying to fill in the cracks,
Between my fractured pieces.

Cutting
Crying
It was never enough
It never will be

"Stay strong"
I don't want to anymore.
My body wants to ease into the comfort
Of letting go.

Let me go.
Let me drift off
into the calm unknown void

The pain I cause
trying to mend my broken pieces.
Is no use.
I am broken.

Past the point of "damaged goods"
I've been at the bottom of the clearance bin
Inevitably to be thrown out
If only they'd remember I was here

Tears fall,
Blood oozes,
And I still feel empty.

Let me go
I want to give in.
My fractured soul
Can't be fixed.

Most of the time,
I just feel useless
I feel like a waste of space

I’m not good enough
I’m never going to be enough
I’m too depressed to even get good grades
I have lost every friend I have managed to make

I’m a wreck
I can’t take care of myself
All I want to do is fall asleep and never wake up

Doctor, oh doctor
Help me breath again,
Stitch up the lines on my wrist
And paint my desolate brain

Doctor, oh doctor
I couldn't feel my face
They told me I would be okay,
They told me it was just a phase

Doctor, oh doctor,
I feel like death
Everything hurts,
And I don't want to breathe again