reaching the back of you

not sure I could.      not sure i would.
       scent of the crime uncommitted uncovered

the meandering is the man demigod demagogue taking
time
         pleasured mercy
                                         the remaindered searchingly
                                                                ­                                 suffices

you don’t speak plain english the only tongue i got
insert the coin in your slot commencing researching the
way in and
don’t think i want to find the way out to the
back of you hiding in the inside learning the way you visualize


playing amy winehouse as an overlaying graph to the autoroute
to the south of france, sur-la-mer, why ever leave and you come
in my mouth poems new each time

no exit. no back of you.  stuck in a longingly heaven

this house is my home and I know the sun brightest
when i put my coin in the slot of play and press the
new tune button at 4:10AM

There's so much you don't know about me
There's so much I don't know about me
But maybe we can know each other a bit better
If you don't mind I'll go first

I think about you quite often
But I'm not sure what to say when you call
I have questions you don't have answers to
And I know they're ones I should find myself

Words haven't always been very effective for me
There are way too many to choose from
I've had every conversation you can imagine
It's all in my head but they're comforting

I try to be better you know?
Better than I was yesterday
Don't worry I try these days
Not to be too ******* myself

There are things I wish for that keep me up
I want them but I'm not doing enough yet
When things get tough I still remind myself that
The journey is the reward not just the destination

I haven't completely figured out who I am
But has anyone?
It means I get to choose and
Create a meaning despite the absurdity of it all

There's a new cookie recipe I made
You would most certainly love it
We should talk sometime Mom
Over fresh cookies and milk
Learn more about each other
Like mother and child should
Trying out new recipes
With hopes they turn out well

I miss
your beautiful smile
it's been gone for quite a while
I miss
the special look
you have just for me
wither we're hanging with friends
or picnicking under the old oak tree
I miss
your loving touch
your loving touch
I crave so much
I miss
our long talks in bed
now I wonder
what goes on in your head
I miss
our family walks in the hills
Spotting  
kangaroos
wild flowers and
red tailed cockatoos
I miss
watching you play
with the band
up on stage
To me you looked  
OOH so grand
I miss
you playing your guitar
Sometimes I'd sit
and watch you from a far
I really wish
I could turn back time
and have the old Todd back
who was once mine

i'm beginning to forget
the sound of water on pebbles
the cry of a hyena in the dark
life and death juxtaposed
a chilling antithesis

i'm beginning to forget
the thrill of a loving touch
the pain of a stricken heart
harmony and rupture adjacent
a terrible paradox

i'm beginning to forget
the joy you stirred in me
the deep sadness you induced
serene days and chilly blasts
a reminder of bitter-sweet things