a fearful thought or idea
enters my head and
robs me of my serenity

the center of all my obsessions
is me, and the only things that helps
me get out of myself is
being of service to others

I ain't no bodhisattva,
but I think they had it right.
Even if you become an englightened being,
what's the point of being aware and free
if you aren't willing share it and help
others to be free.

You can't have what you want
For you want it too much;
Your obsession destroys
Everything that you touch.

It's like you squeeze so tight
Until he cannot breathe;
Then he must run or die,
As you refuse relief.

It is blatant nature;
Obvious as you go
Bathe in your ignorance
And put on the same show.

The tears,  "I don't know why"
But we tell you each time:
You must love at distance,
Tone down your persistence
And love him enough so
He will not want to go.

just let me inside your mind
where I will try so hard to find
what hurt you
you changed a lot
something you won't admit to
things change, ripe with pain
from heartbreaks to days full of clouds and rain
hopping from puddle to puddle
splashing, smashing any hopes for my future
trying to remember life before me and you
these puddles muddle my memory
a history so explicitly a part of me
pools of water, puddles, turn to mirrors
inside your heart's interior
the cause of your pain, the rain on your parade
it was me
I was so set on trying to open your mind
looking for reasons
so blind this whole time
I committed a crime, judged by you who are so divine to me
I though I had built you a shrine
"Let me in" I shouted to you
but this place was all too familiar
I'd been here before
and I don't deserve to ever go back

my roommate likes to play dress up.
sometimes, she will look just like me;
other times, she looks like fragmented bits
of my worst weeks thrown together
in old calendars I've tried to lose.

you tell me this is a cry for help,
but "help" is a foreign word
that will always sound funny
coming from my lips.
keeping myself together
is a language I never learned to speak.

a merry-go-round of feeling bad
about feeling bad
about feeling bad.
I can't remember the opposite of sick.
my stomach is hurting
and my head is spinning
from all of these circles.

I've been avoiding my reflection
because I'm afraid she'll be disappointed
to see what I've made out of her.
I don't want to keep running from people
who once loved me.

Tell me the stories I haven't heard yet
While they're fresh on your mind so that you don't forget
I'll memorize every line and tell it just like you did
Long after you're gone I'll tell them how you lived

I'll write you a letter each year on the day
And lay it with roses at the site of your grave
I'll ask the same question in gods name I pray
It reaches you in some impossible way

In Battalion,
Misery is served in a thousand ways.

Misery is served in buckets of rain
and hours of wind.
Unyielding, soul-******* cold and wet.
Porous jungle boots that invite the frigid water in and soften your feet for a relentless 30 mile march.

Misery is served in a stifling aircraft flying Nap of the Earth.
A nauseating rollercoaster ride that never fails to elicit
chain reaction vomiting from the paratroopers rigged to jump.

Misery is served at pool PT
When your arms and legs feel like lead
and drowning is a better alternative
than the aquatic torture that you’re enduring.

Misery is served during blistering Company runs
led by the Commander
who was a college decathlete.
Runs where the strongest of us
pulled aside, emptied our stomachs,
and rejoined the formation.

Misery is served by no warning alerts
separating families and lovers
for indefinite periods,
sometimes forever.

Misery is served by the Spec 4 Mafia
Unleashing Hell on new Rangers
testing their threshold for ****.

Misery is served by road marches, prickly heat,
Black Palm, and sawgrass. It’s served by desert heat,
Arctic cold, and the stench of the world’s worst places.

Misery is served by the loss of brothers in war and training,
gone too soon to join the Great Ranger in the Sky.

Through it all, misery hardened my body and strengthened my soul.
It made me a warrior and ushered me into a Brotherhood that will be with me until we all sit at the great table in Valhalla.

So on this Veteran’s Day
Embrace the ****
Endure the pain
Invite the Misery
For that’s what makes us
Men amongst Men

Rangers Lead The Way.

of strained bones and cracked skin
bleeding lips and hued eyes
i stand here by you
hoping that
even after the hurricanes
you would still love me
and i would still
be loved

let the stars speak you said
and i weep
and thrash
vehemently
and painfully
because you are gone
destroyed
by my broken self
whom you tried
to save
from no other
than
i