She is my guardian angel
Protecting me
Without even knowing she’s doing it
She saves me every day
From the demons who try to take me
To the dark side
Where I’m never to be seen again

congratulations,
you are unloved;
undissolved in a world you
watch through glass.

and once again,
you are nine; in the bathroom,
on that floor, as
the blue tiled walls reflect,
and replay
over and over and
over,

and
you wish that
you never truly woke up, from
the strange mix of dream
and reality you
succumbed to long ago,

like a princess, at
rest;
wrapped in thorns

maybe
you'd never have had to pack
that sleepover bag every time
he made you cry,
.
leak

even as the tv still played
cartoons, snot still
ran, and you still
bled (and left).

Walking on cobbles stones under my feet the world seems so small,
the bees and butterflies float
and the sky seems so blue,
but when I reached my hand to the sky and see the sun, millions and millions of miles away, is bigger than the size of my stretched out palm,
I begin to feel small.
The empty minded drivers racing on the highway with their phone in one hand and a burger in the other seem to remember their babies in the back seat too late.
This world isn’t so small after all, as soon as you think you’ve got it figured out,
the world gets a little bigger,
your heart sinks a little deeper,
and your mind thinks a little sadder.
How did the cobblestones under my feets grow into boulders on my shoulders weighing down my shoulder, which are already fatigued by the other weights already there.
When we were younger we couldn't wait to grow up. And now I’m here and I want to be taken back, please take me back, please take me…
To a cloud filled sky where I would pick out shapes to see, yet now I see no clouds because what’s the point of looking up, because we all know when we look up we see the world at it’s biggest and ourselves at our lowest.

You didn't love her.
You loved the substance of frail warm body.
Which meant not being alone.


You didn't love her.
You loved how she was swift in bed and touched ever nerve in your body.
Which meant *** every night, even if she didn't want it.


You didn't love her.
You loved the idea of her. The idea of someone to lift you up.
Which meant forgetting about all your faults by putting them on her.


You didn't love her.
God ****** you didn't


Because while you were wildly in love with your moonlit fantasy,
you made her think she actually mattered.
Because while you made her undress in shaking hands and tears welted in her eyes,
you made her think she actually mattered.
Because while you stared in her eyes whispering lies of the future when you were only thinking about what she was wearing under her dress,
you made her think she actually ******* mattered.


So no, my dear friend.
You didn't love her.
Because you do not break people that you love.

Make something beautiful, and perfect
2. Break it