Down the snow covered pathway
Frost clouds escape my chapped lips
Reaching towers run past my view
Walking forward
Towards nothing

The view through my eyes is so worn
Until I see yours
Its a small thing
That drew my gaze to yours

But that bright smile
I know is not intended for me
Called my name anyway

Now as I stand here
Three blocks down
From the café window I saw you through
It lingers in my mind

That time
When I was once as happy as you
Where it has gone
I can't remember
But I now wish to bring it back

as the suns sets faster
and the moon stays lower
when the wind blows harder
and the nights move slower

occasional pain comes to fill you up
staying around
numbing the memories of what you loved

this period lasts, but doesn't last long
leaking out day by day

as night rides and dawn arrives
this ache too, you will overcome.

that were once my goal
what I spent my time perfecting
learning and yearning to be better

now hold me back
keep me at this striving
but never arriving state

in order to love myself
and my life
I can no longer waste my love
and my life
unsure and unwilling to begin
on something I have no passion in

instead I will do the things that bring me excitement
enjoyment and opportunities

because sometimes giving up
isn't a bad thing
it gives you space
to pick up
what you really need

its hard for me to remember my own feelings
I always forget that beautiful things exist in this world
having been numb for so long
waking up seems scary

damped by the thoughts of other
feeling others feelings
instead of spending time with myself
even though all the time
I'm by myself

no one cares for me these days
I know it to be true
since I care for no one currently
even pushing them away
because I know I'll disappoint them

stuck in the between place
of young and grown
novice and knowing
foreign and fluent
is so comfortable that its uncomfortable

silence makes me nervous
yet the sound distracts me

I start a new thing
and quickly leave it
never progressing
always upsetting myself

these days
are a slow climb for me
I dont know where the valley ends
and my mountain begins

but I just hope
all my numb feelings dont turn to pain anymore
all my flaws dont hold me down anymore
all of my self doesn't cower anymore

because my feelings all feel foreign
and disappointment is too comfortable these days.

The first time I heard the line
“This isn’t real life
This is **** that happens on tv”
Was on my 24” screen

But when I heard it the second time
From my uncle
As he stood in the hospital room
Praying for his youngest son
Who left us the next day
I realized that sometimes
Tv happens in real life

baby blue in the middle of egg shells
blonde way up high
that trickles down into brown
and reaches up to a spike

pale all over
with unintentional dents
it has little brown freckles
shaped like stones

thin closed lips cover
teeth that were tugged
with wire and brackets
you probably dont miss

ridge in the middle
with a peak as a start
the rest just a curve
until your nostrils make it stop

bottom of it all
has a dent in between
that seems to disappear
when you turn a certain way

those curves on either side
probably most important
when you listen to the music
you and your band create

the shape a little odd
because it matches the entire place
an almost perfect oval
just a bit wider above the middle

and lets stay away from your smile
which almost never fades
from that overall
perfect mess of a place

you dont want to be the odd one out
is what they always preach
get along and fit together
it makes our system better

sit around and do nothing
comfort is best
but also work hard
to ace every test

dont do anything weird
but dont be basic
original ideas are worthless
if they havent been proven
the best way to organize
is the one well teach you

forget that the real world
doesnt have meaningless rules
and the college we constantly refer to
is even worse than this

300 dollars for a text book
you have to staple yourself
1000 bucks for a class
with an instructor who hardly shows
countless mental breakdowns
while studying alone

even better though
is that statistics show
less than half of kids that go
make it to their second year
think graduation day will solve your fears
too bad it only gets worse from here

cold coffee and hot tea
little kittens plush fur
the smell of old books
complete with the sound of turning pages
some people love these things
sadly it doesnt include me

i cant stand the smell of coffee
or the taste of tea
little kittens arent as fun as puppies
old books smell worse than gym socks
and paper pages are obnoxious

why people romanticize these things
and assume everyone will agree
is far beyond me

and why people get angry
over innocent opinions
that differ from theirs
makes me wonder
if thats why there isnt world peace

ive heard that
to be a better writer
you have to read
at least as much as you write

but you cant sit around
and read fanfiction
written by a 12 year old
and expect to be
the next john green
you have to read pretty good books
to have better writing

i think ill read
the holy bible
and the quran
and the torah
and any popular religious texts
because if they have gained
billions of dedicated followers
world wide
they must be pretty good

its all in the family business
saving people
killing things
but what happens
when the saviors
need to be saved

weve both been to hell
and back
passed through heaven
with the help of loved ones
you even traveled through purgatory
and battled your way back to earth

we are expected
to be unbreakable
because thats who we are
its our legacy

but we are only mortal
and highly disadvantaged
against our demons and angels
so i think this time
i wont be able
to save you

relationships and anything close to it
terrify me

the chances of ending up in a loveless one
or just committing to someone
to break it off a few years later
and adding to the
ever growing over 50% divorce rate
is intimidating

it could work out
and make the two of you
very happy
and fulfilled
and whatever else
comes with love

but i think
with too much logic
and numbers leave a harder impression
than stories

so that might be why
i avoid telling guys
that i think they are cute

because in reality when you date someone
it will end either
by the promotion of marriage
or breaking up forever
and that terrifies me

you can spend hours
days weeks or
even months
creating an image
a drawing or painting
a design or poster

then when someone sees it
it takes a few seconds
before they are over it
and want more

im just another
******* teenager
who writes ****** poems
i havent done anything
worth being remembered

i dont own the newest
whatever thing everyone talks about

i dont have a car
i cant even drive

i dont have a job
probably because
im just another
******* teenager
who writes ****** poems

and according to most
advertising and famous people
you need a lot
of something really good
or really popular
to be happy

and if you arent happy
then you obviously must be sad
and constantly thinking
about how to get the things
that people say
you will need to be happy

but i dont care
about what people say
ive never really cared
about what people say

i find things to be happy about
like my favorite bands
and their upcoming albums
or seeing cute dogs
as i walk home

so when it comes to happiness
id say im doing alright
for just another
******* teenager
who writes ****** poems