Ever since I fell in love with you,
I've been losing my breath.
They had no idea how breathtaking
It is to spend time with you.

I came on too strong,
and I rubbed your soul wrong.
Now I'm strung along
by a silent, unloved song.

You're all out
with friends,
and terrible music.

That's the first stanza
of the first poem here.
The next is different.

Stay where you are,
we don't need you or
the simulated *** you call dancing.

When you've grown up,
like I'm trying to (sometimes too fast)
you will walk out of one of those clubs
and see the clouds have cleared.

Then, after you've discovered that you have a body,
you'll see it as a tool,
like a hammer you watched your father
swing a dozen times in the shed.

That's all it is:
A tool for your spirit.

there is a noose hanging in my
throat
and when I try to tell you I love you
it tangles around the words and
I start to choke
so I keep my mouth shut

and this is not to say that I do not love you but
love doesn't feel like a blessing anymore,
it feels like guilt,
it feels like another promise that
I will not be able to keep, it feels like
an apology that my lips will never speak.

when I try to tell you I love you
I remind myself that
you don't want me to anymore,
remind myself that
this is not what you want to hear from me,
remind myself that
you will not say it back.

when I try to tell you I love you it is not because
I think you need to hear it,
it is because
I want to say it,
it is because
that word has been eating a hole in the pit of my stomach for
too long,
it is because when I
repeat a word too many times
it stops sounding like one
so I'm hoping that if I say it out loud it will
regain its meaning,
it is because I do not know if it's true and
I want you to tell me it is,
it is because I am
selfish
and this is entirely for my own
benefit and/or destruction

and I am sorry because
when I tell you I love you it will be
the last thing I say to you.

despite everything
here we are
with a beautiful opportunity
to change what we don't like
about ourselves
sometimes we dwell
on what's been lost
we pass by
like shadowy dusk
unnoticed
but despite it all
we stumble forth
growing growing
growing

I regret sleeping on that couch.
I was never very good at sleeping alone, and sleeping on that couch only made it worse.
Maybe that's why I clutch my pillow at night like my life depends on it.

A pounding headache is all I'm left with while my battered soul still remains there on that couch.
But it's time that I take it back.
It's time that I make a trade.
An eye for an eye, they always say.

So its time that I step out of my perfect fantasy and face reality, because I've become a ****** human being from searching for perfection and love.
We all know we can't obtain it.
I created my own hell, building blocks made out of self loathing, self pity, anger, the list goes on and on.
But every hell must freeze over.

That couch I slept on?
It's in my own mind, residing in the hell I created, smack in the middle of the thousands of hands that grab and choke and claw.
It's right in the middle of my inner demons.

I may still be sad in the morning, if I wake up...
But I'll sleep better knowing that I accepted the past.
Even if I still regret sleeping on that couch.

So,
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I know that my soul is mine to keep.
But if I should die before I wake,
I know that all of my struggles were not a mistake.

I swear she onced laughed
I swear she was never last
Love inside of a flask that I couldn't open
We didn't mean it
I hope God means us
I hope a higher power even exist
Where do I go when things don't really last forever?
Making myself by self destruction
Letting go, letting go
I'll feel peace when I get rid of the memories
I'll feel peace when I know it's okay for things to not have meaning
I don't feel the way I write sometimes
Music changes feelings
Feelings change the vibe
The vibe sets the tone
The tone sets the love
The love makes you see your own written future
What is destiny?
I couldn't stand being associated with what I was with a few months ago
I hope your vision is changing
For the better
Talking to the wind like writing these unsent love letters

I'm incapable of love,
Incapable of feeling,
But Darling, please know that you are above,
Above everyone else. You're my King.

Mine.

im more than capable of jealousy,
The Green Beast grows inside of me.
He grows alongside the Black Barbarian
that thrives and feeds off Chaos and Strife
that takes pleasure in my Pain.

Mine.

I'm incapable of happiness,
Incapable of smiling for more than five minutes.
But Darling, please know that you're the source of my grin
The only one that can take away my despair...even if its for a little while.

Mine.

Baby, I'm more than capable of sadness,
its the only thing im good at.
the Blue Monster lets out a hearty laugh for every Drop that spills out of my leaking tap.
He sits on his throne beside his Comrades
Absorbing power like a Sponge.

Mine.