blocked
shattered
forlorn

your voice
unable to speak
your mind
unable to breathe
your soul
unable to feel
your heart
unable to love
all because
you're exhausted

not because of anything
in particular
but the mere quiddity
of existence,
the sheer fact
that your life
is a repetitious routine

maybe there are others
that see the beauty in life
but you, worn-out and tarnished
have had enough,
with another colossal task
you're forced to do,
numerable responsibilities
that weigh you down,
broken relationships
that you cannot mend,
and new-fangled ideas
which you cannot innovate

so when is it time
to tell everyone
that you've finally had enough?
that you can't take it any longer?
that you're much too exhausted
to even care anymore?

*when it's too late?

Your words stab me
Killing me over and over again.
Why do I still give in?
Why do I still love you?

Do you love me?
Sure you do.
I'm lying, aren't I?
No, I'm not.
Of course not.

All those nights alone
don't mean a thing.
All those beer bottles
In the refrigerator
That are gone the next morning
Are worthless.
I have nothing to worry about.


*...I can't lie to myself anymore. It hurts too much.

I look happy, don’t I?
there are no cuts on my wrists
all you see is the smile on my lips
But how long will it take you before
you will look deep into my eyes
and realize that you didn’t check good enough
Have you seen my heart? it’s filled with scars

*(s.m)

i wish you didn't
exist
i wish someone with such a unique personality
was merely fiction
i wish that prepossessing face of yours
wasn't real

i wish i could
turn the handles of the clock
in reverse
so that i would've
never met you

why did you have to casually
saunter into my life
and fill me with felicity?
like it was nothing
like i was just another experience

and completely ignore me
and shut the door, our door
as if you were content with that
as if we were strangers again

i hate you
for making me
fall in love with you
sheerly, by being yourself
why couldn't you be
chicanery and lies

writing this makes me
want to talk to you
but at the same time
i want to ignore you
like you did to me
until the point
that i almost doubted
my very own existence

and i never thought that
i'd be doing this
because
i tried it once and failed
miserably
but this time
i'm determined
i will maim and forget
everything that you were once
worth to me

and the sad thing is
you probably won't even care
because there are so many
other people that adulate you
just like i do
you're probably used to
all of this doting

i should've known
before falling in
much too deep
into this dystopian nightmare

being in love
with someone that couldn't care
any less about you
makes you feel inexorably forlorn
and dense
and just worthless
so now i know what to do

i'll look back to this
every time you visit my reveries
i'm closing the doors
and they're going to stay shut
forever

Stop living your life like you're in some kind of a movie.  
Stop trying to cast your true love instead of just meeting them.
Love isn't always a lightning bolt, maybe sometimes it's just a choice.
Maybe true love is a decision.
A decision to take a chance with somebody.  
To give to somebody without worrying whether they'll give anything back or if they're going to hurt you or if they really are the one.
Maybe love isn't something that happens to you, maybe it's something you have to choose.


**True love is a process, not an event.