When I was 12
I was hiking with my family, we sat on the edge of a cliff at the top of a mountain,
we were over looking the painted landscape

I remember looking at our feet in the empty air
and I asked my older sister:
“do you ever just want to jump..?”

She nodded and replied with:
“yeah shay.. :) I always wished I could fly too..”

and that is the first time..
that I realized that my head was different.

Because while she was
thinking of jumping to fly..
I was thinking of jumping to die..

and that’s when I started hiding my head lol
followed by a life of hiding self destruction.

this pain in my chest
pulls me under
and all at once
i am a paper boat
lost in a starless sea,
drowning in the memory
of what we had.
i may not know
what lies ahead
the course uncertain,
the waters black
but as i lay here alone
i realise,
perhaps i am not
so difficult to love
perhaps others
are simply afraid

and that's okay too.

You had to go your way
I had to go mine  
Had to let you go grow
In your own place and time
Had to let you be you
Had to let me be me
Had to let myself
Ponder
The great mystery
Had to see what the world
Had to offer
To us
Had to come back,
Regret it,
And regain your trust
Had to question
Why it
And love
Wasn’t enough
Had to answer it with
Miscellaneous stuff  
Had to do with
Two humans
In union
Together
Had to
Misconstrue it
As always
Forever