I woke up at six
Feeling nauseous and sick
Didn't like moving
As if the bed is embracing

But I had to rise
To cook food and eat rice
Prep for work and revitalize
Practice smiling and be nice

Wake up little sunshine
Make your dream beam with lines
Get up and realize
The goal you have in mind

Written September 29, 2015
"She reeks of cigarettes and ***
Her mind is consumed by how the last 3 hours even came to be what they were
You see no two friends can have *** without one falling for another..
And the chosen one in this scenario was her
She always thought he was something
The way his eyes lit up when he smiled at her jokes, the ease he had when he held his cigarette in his hand
And the way he talked about her
Jokes and flirtation hung in the clouds above them, circulating around and each time like lightening the question struck her
"Is he serious?"
Nothing quite stirred the storm like the first night they ******
You see two friends aren't meant to casually hook up
The way he kissed her lips the way he dug his hand so deeply and so passionately behind her back holding a grip on her like he was never going to let go
And the deep conversations that followed made her all the more comfortable around him
Yet, one child should not fall for another
So she leaves, reflecting back realizing it was one of the best nights she's ever had
Yet two friends shouldn't hook up
And she's in denial that this will continue and she soon will further gain her feelings
For him"

Sometimes I love this broken world
Sometimes I just love that it's broken too

I'm the smell before rainfall
And you're thunder in a storm
And it's a strange kind of beautiful
When dark clouds come to play

You're riding in a car
with a strange boy.
His hands are on the wheel
while yours are shaking.

You're driving through time
with your heart right next to you.
His eyes are the bluest blue
and they mirror your thoughts.

You're sleeping with eyes wide-open;
your dreams become reality.
His hair halos in the sun; makes you wonder
what could possibly come from this.

I was driving in a car with a strange boy;
with my heart by my side;
in a sleepless dream;
wondering what could be,
but it was clear
that you were not made for me.

I feel my flesh move rivers
Staring down the clammy skin on my stomach
Looking into the face of a stranger
Body count?
Maybe four
I don't remember exactly
I put my legs up and let his body move like clockwork
It is the easiest position for me to detach
As far as I know, I keep watching the same movie
Man, in front of me
Man, ****** on
Man, inside of me
That is the moment I close my eyes
And stop watching.
That is the moment my PTSD tells me
I am not in control anymore
That is the moment I hold my breath
Dig my nails into his wrist
His throat
His eyes
So he will stop looking at me like that
So the world will stop looking at me like that
Sleeping with guys whose names you cannot remember
Makes you a **** these days
But blacking out does not always come from drinking.
He gets off
And rolls you to the bed of grass next door
He says
"That was fun."
You say
"Until next time."
And walk into the future
Onto the next one
Nameless, faceless
Leaving you
Naked, alone.

I want your touch
I want your hands to discover every inch of my body so I can feel electric. Because your fingers spark my skin, if you touched my entire body I would be on fire

I want you to be brave
So that when you hold me, the fire will not make you feel afraid. After all it's you who caused it. They say you can not make fire feel afraid but if you don't hold me I'll know what fear feels like

I want you to choose
Me or her. Me or her. Me or her. If there was ever a choice to make, pick her. I don't want you to spend the rest of your life wondering if I was who you wanted

I want you to want me
But baby I won't wait forever