Your eyes were a twisted blue, like the ocean,
And just as deep.
I was worried I would drown in them.


Perhaps I did.

I fell in love with you in fractions.
At first it was simply with your shy awkwardness,
The way our silences were never filled,
And that was absolutely okay.
And then it was with your face,
The stubble on your chin,
The way your eyes crinkle slightly at the corners,
And how you always look me in the eye when we talk.
Following this was the pain of our goodbyes,
How each hug didn't feel like enough,
And even when our parting should have been finalized,
We continued.
That was followed by the way you held me,
Our bare chests pressed against each other,
Your hands dancing down my back,
Your fingers tracing each of my tattoos,
And how you would whisper the sweetest things,
Into my left ear.
And finally I fell in love with the way you didn't love me,
The way you cared, but not enough.
And I was so painfully filled with love for you,
That every fiber of my being begged for you to feel it,
Too.

I splash my face with chilled water,
Hoping the shock will freeze you out of my heart.
I take scalding showers,
To try and burn your touch from my body,
Where I can still feel your hands linger.
I drag the razor along my legs where you once kissed,
Shaving away pieces of you, letting the metal bite into my skin,
Hoping I can bleed you out of my soul.

I fell in love with you in fractions,
At first it was simply with your shy awkwardness,
The way our silences were never filled,
And that was absolutely ok.
And then it was with your face,
The stubble on your chin,
The way your eyes crinkle slightly at the corners,
And how you look me in the eye when we talk.
That was followed by the way you held me,
Our bare chests pressed against each other,
Your hands softly caressing my back,
And how you would whisper the sweetest things,
Into my left ear.
And finally I fell in love with the way you didn't love me,
And I was so painfully filled with love for you,
That every fiber of my being begs for you to feel it,
Too.

I long for the life I've only seen,
In picture books and magazines.

I would gladly ruin my sleep schedule every night,
To speak with you,
But you would rather just say "good bye."

People who fight
their battles alone
either lose the battle
or lose themselves.