it's amazing how
just one text from you
can send a wave of delicious heat
crashing through me

imagine what your touch could do.

the moon and I both
go through phases

my light wanes and waxes
just like hers does

when my light is full,
boy,
I'm giddy with how much I love you

but when my light is small,
I'm so cold,
enveloped by the shadows

I'm sorry for my cold spells
I hope you know
those phases have nothing to do with you

but just like the moon has the sun
I have you

your light illuminates the world
which illuminates me

you light me up

i can see our future
quite vividly

it's lovely,
let me tell you

i've never been able to do this before

I too often bite my tongue
when I'm with you
and I'm not sure why

Maybe because I've learned
to not be bold
to not comment on such things
to be demure and appropriate

But forget that
you deserve to know

You're beautiful
You're handsome

In fact,
you're hot

Sometimes the distance
feels oh so wide
we're out of synch
walking along a divide

Those are the times
when I feel blue
I yearn and overthink,
and wonder if you do too

But sometimes we're strong
and push the distance away
for a moment or two
like we did yesterday

We were on the same beat
both really there;
togetherness can be
found anywhere

Those are the times
when my heart smiles
and remembers that love
can travel miles and miles

Tonight the sky looked like a watercolor painting

The clouds were broad strokes of cream
gently brushed across the bright backdrop
of warm oranges and nurturing blues

The moon was a glistening orb
it looked magical
winking at me from its milky cradle

My stereo hummed out a tune about love
as I winded down the roads
to see every corner of this beautiful piece of art

Love was on my mind
a smile was on my face
and in moments like this
I cannot help but believe in You.

Why are we all so sad?
Smiles used to grace our faces
as easily as we breathe air

but now it seems as though even that is hard.

Everyone is...
broken.

This world wears you down
the darkness blankets us
it creeps in
dimming our light

Smiles are rare stars

Admire their beauty

Try
Try
Try
To add to the night sky
With a smile of your own

We can form a constellation.

I am not good
at saying how I feel
But I am alright
at writing it down

And so
I have written down
a few
(of the many)
Things that I love
about you

I love how your arms
are the hardest spot to leave
and the absolute
best
to come home to

I love how your eyes
sneak glances at mine
when you make a quick joke
that nobody will notice
but me

I love how you make me feel safe
how you ask
how you care about the answer
how much I know
I can trust you

I love how you have courage with me
(courage I wish
that I had with you)
How you take my hand
How you kiss my nose
How you invite me
to be with you

So I suppose
it's about time
I let you know
something on my mind

It happened slowly
then all at once
and I can't help but think about it
all the time

Now I'm afraid
that it will dance
from my heart
to my lips
and jump right on out
when I'm least expecting it

So before I'm blindsided
by my own silly self-
Dear John,
I love you.

I'm terrified to make eye contact with you

What if you can see
just how desperately
I want it to never end?

it's no secret now
that demons dance inside me

usually they're quiet
but sometimes they get too loud

you've come too close
for me to hide

i am so ashamed
so scared

i don't love these parts of me
so how could you?

I am an early afternoon,
A setting sun that holds endless possibilities.

I am a floral swing dress one day,
And skinny jeans with heels the next
I am a carefully crafted outfit that represents me, even if it’s too much.

I am winter,
Bringing people together to find warmth and love.

I am purple,
A compromise between red and blue,
A modest yet captivating shade.

I am the soft flannel sheets that keep me warm in bed.

I am the hopeful, loving, giving spirit of Christmas.

I am the cross that symbolizes values and promises.

I am the chocolate cake that makes you forget everything else and just smile.

I am Dobby, always trying to do the right thing for my friends.

I am the sound of a crackling fireplace,
Quiet enough to let your mind roam free, but loud enough for you to know that I’m here to keep you warm.

I will never forget
the moment when
you told me you love me
I think of it again and again

My heart soared
because I love you too
I've never felt such joy,
such rightness there with you

The words that had been
on the edge of my lips
were finally free
to dance out (with a kiss)

How wonderful!
How divine!
I love you,
and you are all mine!

is love meant to be
a roaring fire
or a small (but steady) flame?

For a while I've been wondering
when I'd be sure

and boy am I sure now

it happened all at once

and now
when I see you
or you make an appearance
in my daydreams

I can't help but think
I love you,
I love you,
I love you!

(and I hope
and I think
that you love
me too)

My fingers are tentative

They hover above the keyboard
for far too long,
constantly straying back to that
****** key,
delete.

Nothing comes out right.

Tap, tap, tap
my fingers tap the counter
my pinky taps < delete >

I'm desperate for the right words
but today they evade me.

let the storm blow past you
as though you're a tree
rooted deep in the earth

have faith in your roots

not until I had to leave
did I realize
just how much
I missed you

you are a part of who I am
to go without you
is like to go without
a piece of my body

it's possible to survive for a bit
but the pain grows and grows
and soon enough I realize
it's too much to bear

and so I called you
and I told you
and I love you
and I love you

this love transcends time
when I look into your eyes
I see our future

i am often a bit too rigid
piously adherent to my self-afflicted rules
clinging fiercely to a sense of control

you have shaken me loose

when we were hiking
and you saw a chipmunk
you said, instinctively,
"hey, mister chipmunk!"

and that just about
filled me to the brim
with affection

Sometimes I feel as though I am the only person afloat
In a sea of people drowning in a storm of evil
As thoughtless stabs are inflicted in a constant stream of negativity
I am shocked that nobody else seems to notice
I am afraid that one day I will lose my focus
And I will drown too-
Sinking down, down, down,
And become just like everybody else.
But right now I am afloat
I can see clearly, and what I see scares me
I see the sunken, dragging others down with them thoughtlessly
I see their waves of mindless abuse crash down
I see tsunamis of negativity
That the sunken see as just another drop in the ocean.
I need to stay afloat
I need to offer my hand to those that have managed to withstand the storm
And I need to try to resurface the submerged
Before it is too late, and we have all sunken to the bottom
Then, when we try to tear others down
It will not matter, for there will be nowhere lower to go.

mysteries intricately laced within

layers
blanket me
and pulsing heartbeats
resonate in rhythm with my soul

i can hear the sound of my keyboard tapping
or pencil upon paper
or the wind rustling leaves on trees
but i can hear music.

it washes over me
creeps into my crevices
seeps into my skin
and infuses my heart

i can't help but feel

my heart
either
weeps or
laughs or
smiles
along with
the rhythm

my body slips into movement
i have no control
the music has a hold over me

i learned that sound waves carry energy and information

isn't that the truth.

A tiny ounce of poison
dropped into a clear pool
A nasty, cold black
tainted a pure, bright blue

At first the drop stayed small
a speck that was barely there,
But with time the darkness grew
until poison was everywhere

The poison made me foggy
heavy and confused-
Are these thoughts I'm having really me
or are they really you?

But while the poison made a show
of having won the war
Little did it know
what a fight it had in store

For though my pool that was once blue
has turned completely black
I'm surrounded by other pools
bright, and poised for attack

They'll rain their light down onto me
they'll dump, oh, they'll pour
Until my darkened, poisoned pool
clears up more and more

For in the end, how could one think
or be tricked to believe
That a single, foul, pesky drop
could beat a tsunami?

He took a turn for the worse.
Unconscious,
Barely holding on.
It did not seem real
It could not be real.
I said a prayer,
I sent my love,
And I hoped with all my heart.
By some miracle, his eyes opened.
He was greeted with love and care
His tired lips broke into a peaceful smile,
And he sang a love song to his age-old lover.
When finally, his eyes closed once more,
Completely content,
Ready to go.

i was in *******.

the insides of walls were all i could see
day in and day out
re
lent
less.

the persisting darkness and pain seemed as though it would never end

but alas, here I am.

Free.

Free to breath,
Free to smile,
Free to live.

As Abraham Lincoln emancipated the slaves,
O, College Board,
the time has finally come for you to set me free.

my mind is in shackles.
no matter how hard i try to break free from your grasp
i have no choice but to think of you.

my body is electric.
i try to tell myself to relax, have patience
but my fingers tap, my heartbeat quickens.

you have a hold on me.
the slightest breeze in the air reminds me of you,
and then all my control blows away too.

i don't think i can bear it

the idea of a life
lived in the service
of those
just barely
alive
is noble

but i don't think i can bear it

it hurts
it is
heartbreaking
to witness
such brokenness

the hurt is the kind that lingers
and seeps into all your crevices
and never leaves your side
like a shadow

i don't think i can bear it
even if i can help
to ease their hurt

i don't think i can bear it

our toes have inched over the line

we're playing the role of friends
but we both want to be more

can you feel the electricity?

i don't write haikus
but i love their simplicity

i messed it up

I like it when you hold me
and pout your lips, smiling a little bit
and you look in my eyes
before stealing a kiss on my nose

It gives me butterflies
that leap and soar
because I'm so in love with you

I like the way you think
how you're thoughtful and measured
how you listen and remember
how you always try to do the right thing

It makes me feel safe
and grounded and at home
and so in love with you

I like every moment I spend with you
and I'm eager for more

When I heard another boy whistle
the tune you sang softly in my ear
as we watched Beauty and the Beast ,

When I walked by a pet store
just like the one we like to go to
full of new friends I know you would adore,

When I saw a navy blue cruise
sailing along Le Rhône
just like the one you will go on soon,

I missed you.

It's not all bad
These things made me think of you
and thoughts of you make me so happy

They're just mixed
with a bit of melancholy these days

Because it's been a while since I've seen you
and it will be a while until I do again

But at the very least
I know that I love you
and that you love me
and when we're together again
I'll tell you all about these things
that made me think of you

I can't wait

Comparisons.
While some add a flourish to writing,
like a simile comparing one’s love to a summer day,
others can be deadly.
These comparisons don’t appear in such a pleasant way-
these come about in the late hours of the night
in that small, bleak, gloomy corner of the mind.
The dark thoughts begin as trivial drops
that quickly transform into crashing waves.
They wear you down,
beat at you relentlessly,
until almost nothing is left.
But just as the sun rises after a storm,
we emerge.
Tentatively, at first.
But soon we find what was taken from us,
and more.
The darkness has made apparent the light that we had previously failed to see -
And once that light is found, it shines brighter than it has ever shone before.
The dark water is all but gone now,
And all that is left is a rainbow.

My heart is split
exactly in two
Half is soaring
and half longs to be with you

they say that people are
a collection of their experiences
the sum of all the moments
that make up their life

I'm glad that so many of mine
have been spent with you

I feel like when I fell for you
I fell onto another ledge
and this time
I'm petrified of falling off

I look off the edge
of my pleasant little peak
and what I see
terrifies me

Stories of heartbreak,
of betrayed trust
and unpredictable distance
surround me

I'm terrified of what you can do to me.

I love you
I love to be with you
and I want to be with you
and know you
more

But I'm too afraid to ask
or when I do ask
I feel like I messed up
because I don't want to ask anything of you

But I know better than that

Changing who I am
to be what I think others want me to be
gets me nowhere
and is disrespectful to myself

My worth exists outside of you

but I'm scared for the part of me
that I've given to you
and what could happen to me
if you take it for good.

Things were not perfect
they did not go to plan
but I hope that you
can understand

that perfection is not
what matters to me
it's that we're there for each other
through the vulnerability

I am scared
and I think you are too
but what counts is you've got me
and I've got you

the typical flitting about of my mind
comes to a rest when I am with you

it's magic

breath is like the ocean
it creeps in
and cascades out into a gusty wave

listen

all day long
my eyelids are doors
that want nothing more than to close,
my mind is a light
dimmed and flickering just before it goes out,
and my body is wind on a summer day,
slow, calm, dissolved.

but the second night falls,
everything awakens.

Like bubbles racing to the top of an opened soda can,
all my thoughts
and dreams
and ideas
and worries
and doubts
and excitements
and fears
come surging up from the depths of my being
and begin to bounce and fizzle within my mind.

How can I sleep now?

When I was young
I was carefree
And I spoke all that was on my mind.
My brother laughed,
My parents smiled
I was happy in a world that was kind.

When I first went to school
I had a big smile
And I was totally, completely me.
But a few quizzical looks
And a few snide remarks
Made me question who I should be.

When I grew a little older
I had a shy smile
I had decided to keep my thoughts to myself.
I kept my head down
The others passed me by
It had been a success, I felt.

When I  turned fifteen
I kept the smile on my face
But I also kept my thoughts inside.
When people talked to me
I felt afraid
I didn’t know how to reply.

Here I am now
I’m still happy, still me.
But I remember- my thoughts can’t be spoken.
So now I think and think
To come up with the right words
But often I settle for none.

it’s 4 in the morning
and im so scared.

im crying and shaking
i just had a nightmare that you were hurt
and you forgot
everything

it hurts so bad

i know you are leaving soon
please don’t.

i don’t know what im going to do

please don’t go.

I know you're gone,
but yet you're still here.

I can feel your presence
in my heart so near.

When I most need strength
I find it in you.

I have found my purpose:
to live life for you.

You are in me,
of this I am sure

For when I feel alone or scared
you come to me as a cure.

I hear your voice,
I feel your love,

and in those dark moments,
I know you are smiling at me from above.

Time has passed
and I still shed a tear

But I know you are with me,
a little bird in my ear.

The storm has passed

Where's the rainbow?
Aren't I supposed to feel
new?

I feel shaken.

time is a fascinating concept
one that i seem to grasp for a moment
but in another moment
it is an abstract idea once more

time moves along swiftly
ticking on and on
with no regard
to what it is passing by

time is greedy
it takes everything it touches
everything that we do, say think,
time will take

yet we have conquered time in certain ways
we have fought its persistent arms
using memory as our weapon

memory creates immortality
and it is for that reason that time's captives,
the past,
live on.

The world is anew!
Love and joy are all around
My smile's here to stay.

humans try
foolishly
to create their own gravity

the beauty around them
they claim
drawing it in
artificially
as if it exists
only to affect them

silly, isn't it?

when they cross my mind
i feel like
my arms are being squeezed into a hug
and my cheeks are sore from being pulled into a thousand smiles
and my lips are bursting with giggles
and my heart is warm and content

i feel love

you know how songs will simply slip into their natural rhythm?
the opening notes have rung,
the first verse has just become an echo,
and the music falls right into place
just the way it is supposed to
as the beat picks up to carry the tune along

in the same way
i have fallen into your arms
just the way i am supposed to
at just the right time
and boy does it feel right

i want to protect you
and blame what i need
on some deficiency in me

and say baby don't worry
i am hurting
because he hurt me

i am hurting
because i am just not quite right,
just not quite good enough

(and most of the time,
i believe it too)

but i have to try to believe
that i'm as worthy as anyone else
and that i hurt because i am human

the truth is this:

lately i have felt
like i am rationing your love
and my stores are running low

i am scared

please,
fill me back up