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A M May 2017
friendship happens
when you're neglecting to do
what you're supposed to do
A M Apr 2019
is love meant to be
a roaring fire
or a small (but steady) flame?
A M Oct 2020
I don’t think about you so much anymore
And when I do
Everything feels softer

Other men have kissed my lips,
Touched my body

The first time I wasn’t ready for it
The second time I was

My current reality
was incomprehensible
to my (not so) past self

Time is a heck of a force
It plowed through our love,
our connection

It cut me dry;
it set me free
December 2019
A M Oct 2021
my bedsheets smell like you
and my skin echoes
with the feeling of your touch

how am I supposed to sleep?
A M Aug 2021
it is your fault
that i am tethered
to my notifications,
like an addict

every passing moment
i can't help but sneak a glance,
take a hit,
go for an emotional ride

my mind is swirling
with hope
that yours is too
A M Mar 2014
Sometimes I feel as though I am the only person afloat
In a sea of people drowning in a storm of evil
As thoughtless stabs are inflicted in a constant stream of negativity
I am shocked that nobody else seems to notice
I am afraid that one day I will lose my focus
And I will drown too-
Sinking down, down, down,
And become just like everybody else.
But right now I am afloat
I can see clearly, and what I see scares me
I see the sunken, dragging others down with them thoughtlessly
I see their waves of mindless abuse crash down
I see tsunamis of negativity
That the sunken see as just another drop in the ocean.
I need to stay afloat
I need to offer my hand to those that have managed to withstand the storm
And I need to try to resurface the submerged
Before it is too late, and we have all sunken to the bottom
Then, when we try to tear others down
It will not matter, for there will be nowhere lower to go.
A M Mar 2014
I can smell the salty tears on my pillow

It's damp on my cheek

How can I sleep now?
A M Jun 2022
is my love for you

it fills up every inch, every pore
it spills out of my mouth once i can no longer bear to hold it in
it runs constantly through my mind like a song stuck on repeat

i hope this never stops
A M Feb 2015
Thank you.
Thank you for revealing yourself to me in ways that I never could have predicted.
Thank you for introducing me to your loving spirit in the hearts of these girls.
Thank you for the opportunity to learn, share, and grow closer to you.
Thank you for giving me another chance to honor you.
Thank you for allowing me to lead others towards finding you.
Thank you for always being with me in this crazy life.
Thank you for the ups and downs, and thank you for each lesson and blessing you have brought to me in the process.
You have blessed me with so much, and I will take this chance to act in your name, in the name of love, and to spread your spirit the best that I can.
A M Mar 2014
While some add a flourish to writing,
like a simile comparing one’s love to a summer day,
others can be deadly.
These comparisons don’t appear in such a pleasant way-
these come about in the late hours of the night
in that small, bleak, gloomy corner of the mind.
The dark thoughts begin as trivial drops
that quickly transform into crashing waves.
They wear you down,
beat at you relentlessly,
until almost nothing is left.
But just as the sun rises after a storm,
we emerge.
Tentatively, at first.
But soon we find what was taken from us,
and more.
The darkness has made apparent the light that we had previously failed to see -
And once that light is found, it shines brighter than it has ever shone before.
The dark water is all but gone now,
And all that is left is a rainbow.
A M Oct 2014
my mind is in shackles.
no matter how hard i try to break free from your grasp
i have no choice but to think of you.

my body is electric.
i try to tell myself to relax, have patience
but my fingers tap, my heartbeat quickens.

you have a hold on me.
the slightest breeze in the air reminds me of you,
and then all my control blows away too.
a little rough, but i needed to capture how this feels (partly because i have no choice but to feel it)
A M Mar 2018
Why is it that
the present
is so illusive?
A M Nov 2021
it must be no coincidence
that they call it "falling"

i'm afraid of heights

and the brink of love
is terrifying

even more so this time
now that i know
just how much it hurts
to lose
A M Apr 2022
I don't tire of being with you
it's as easy as being alone
it feels like coming home
A M Aug 2014
all day long
my eyelids are doors
that want nothing more than to close,
my mind is a light
dimmed and flickering just before it goes out,
and my body is wind on a summer day,
slow, calm, dissolved.

but the second night falls,
everything awakens.

Like bubbles racing to the top of an opened soda can,
all my thoughts
and dreams
and ideas
and worries
and doubts
and excitements
and fears
come surging up from the depths of my being
and begin to bounce and fizzle within my mind.

How can I sleep now?
insomnia- it's an issue
A M Nov 2021
i am often a bit too rigid
piously adherent to my self-afflicted rules
clinging fiercely to a sense of control

you have shaken me loose
A M Oct 2020
I so badly want
You to be the one
To make this feel better

But I guess this time
(and the next time, and the next)
It’s got to be me
September 2019
A M Jul 2021
looking at your face
is like looking into the sun

bright, and warm

i can't bear to look for too long

but boy does it feel good
to turn my face towards your light
and let it wash over me
A M Oct 2020
it feels like
a sucker punch
right to the stomach
right when you least expect it

it knocks you out
and leaves a bruise
that will take a long while
to heal

but it will
July 2019
A M Jun 2014
I know you're gone,
but yet you're still here.

I can feel your presence
in my heart so near.

When I most need strength
I find it in you.

I have found my purpose:
to live life for you.

You are in me,
of this I am sure

For when I feel alone or scared
you come to me as a cure.

I hear your voice,
I feel your love,

and in those dark moments,
I know you are smiling at me from above.

Time has passed
and I still shed a tear

But I know you are with me,
a little bird in my ear.
A M Jun 2017
My heart is split
exactly in two
Half is soaring
and half longs to be with you
A M Jul 2017
it is astounding
how right you are for me

so much so
that I'm afraid of the possibility
of this coming to an end
A M Sep 2021
our toes have inched over the line

we're playing the role of friends
but we both want to be more

can you feel the electricity?
A M Aug 2021
every glimpse i get of you
makes me want more

even the messy parts,
the dark parts,
especially those parts

you're no false god

you're whole
and complex
and flawed

i see you
and all i want is to get closer
A M May 2017
I like it when
You leave a trail of kisses
On my shoulder
And my cheek
And my forehead
And of course
(you know this for certain)
my nose

I wish I could map together
The constellations you have drawn

For I am sure they are beautiful
Like those sparkling in your eyes
A M Sep 2021
it's amazing how
just one text from you
can send a wave of delicious heat
crashing through me

imagine what your touch could do.
A M Jun 2022
You deem your sweetness to be your "curse"
because it kept people from seeing you
as more than a friend

But what if it was merely meant to keep the wrong ones at bay
to save you
(and all of your magnificent sweetness)
for me?
A M May 2022
i woke up to your absence
i feel hollow,

i decided to take a walk to try to feel okay

i pass through places
that once screamed with color
but now feel gray

a piece of me
when you did
Long distance :(
A M Oct 2021
I want to breathe you in

let your warmth
fill every inch of me

how divine,
how exquisite
would that be?
A M Jun 2017
I am not good
at saying how I feel
But I am alright
at writing it down

And so
I have written down
a few
(of the many)
Things that I love
about you

I love how your arms
are the hardest spot to leave
and the absolute
to come home to

I love how your eyes
sneak glances at mine
when you make a quick joke
that nobody will notice
but me

I love how you make me feel safe
how you ask
how you care about the answer
how much I know
I can trust you

I love how you have courage with me
(courage I wish
that I had with you)
How you take my hand
How you kiss my nose
How you invite me
to be with you

So I suppose
it's about time
I let you know
something on my mind

It happened slowly
then all at once
and I can't help but think about it
all the time

Now I'm afraid
that it will dance
from my heart
to my lips
and jump right on out
when I'm least expecting it

So before I'm blindsided
by my own silly self-
Dear John,
I love you.
A M Oct 2021
with each step that I take
wading deeper into these waters

echoes of waves past
wash over me

it's disorienting
A M Mar 2014
My fingers are tentative

They hover above the keyboard
for far too long,
constantly straying back to that
****** key,

Nothing comes out right.

Tap, tap, tap
my fingers tap the counter
my pinky taps < delete >

I'm desperate for the right words
but today they evade me.
A M Aug 2017
Sometimes the distance
feels oh so wide
we're out of synch
walking along a divide

Those are the times
when I feel blue
I yearn and overthink,
and wonder if you do too

But sometimes we're strong
and push the distance away
for a moment or two
like we did yesterday

We were on the same beat
both really there;
togetherness can be
found anywhere

Those are the times
when my heart smiles
and remembers that love
can travel miles and miles
A M Sep 2021
This is a first for me.
We've opened the door
to more
once we'd already learned each other,
seen each other,
known each other.

(Though there's more to discover,
of course.
In fact,
each time
I offer you a peek
into a new corner
of my terrain,
it feels like
the greatest gift
I've ever received-
to have you know me.
It's unmatched
only by the gift
of allowing me
to know you.)

So anyways,
I don't know the rules here.
The how-to book
on falling for your friend
must be checked out at the library
because I'm at a complete loss
as to what to make
of these feelings.

Is this too fast?
too much?
will it change?
will it grow?

all I know is
more and more these days
those three words
skitter through my mind

what am I to do!
I can't help it!
A M Mar 2014
it’s 4 in the morning
and im so scared.

im crying and shaking
i just had a nightmare that you were hurt
and you forgot

it hurts so bad

i know you are leaving soon
please don’t.

i don’t know what im going to do

please don’t go.
A M Feb 2022
i trusted in him
and let my love grow

now i see how his didn't
and there's no guarantee that it will

will this work?
i am terrified
A M Jul 2022
sometimes when I can't sleep
I imagine your warm arms encircling me
A M Oct 2021
seeing him
felt like missing a step

the ghost of a long-gone foundation
made my stomach drop
A M Aug 2015
you know how songs will simply slip into their natural rhythm?
the opening notes have rung,
the first verse has just become an echo,
and the music falls right into place
just the way it is supposed to
as the beat picks up to carry the tune along

in the same way
i have fallen into your arms
just the way i am supposed to
at just the right time
and boy does it feel right
A M Apr 2017
for the first time
I can hear in the silence
echoes of where
those three words
soon will be
A M Nov 2021
last night we listened to my favorite song
you held me close
and hummed in my ear

the strongest sense of melancholy
hit me like a truck

because i don't think i could bear it
if i lose you
and this song becomes steeped with pain

please don't ruin
my favorite song
A M Mar 2014
The storm has passed

Where's the rainbow?
Aren't I supposed to feel

I feel shaken.
A M Nov 2017
when I think of you
my heart just about
with how much I love you
A M Jan 2019
Outside the snow is swirling around
The bundled-up and the rosy cheeked
When they walk inside
Their glasses get all foggy

The fog slowly dissipates
Just to return again
When they take their first sip
of their steaming drink

The cold out there
makes it feel just that much warmer
in here
A M May 2014
alone and scared
you didn't turn away
i clung to you

the fear left
i had you,
i had you.

then it changed.
your head started to turn

i tried to hold your gaze
but it was returned
with a scowl

alone once more
but this time different

my companion-

i remembered your smile
i remembered your glare
i remembered your embrace
i remembered your shadow
i remembered my security
i remembered my pain

what did i do?
A M Sep 2017
not until I had to leave
did I realize
just how much
I missed you

you are a part of who I am
to go without you
is like to go without
a piece of my body

it's possible to survive for a bit
but the pain grows and grows
and soon enough I realize
it's too much to bear

and so I called you
and I told you
and I love you
and I love you
A M Sep 2021
i can see our future
quite vividly

it's lovely,
let me tell you

i've never been able to do this before
A M Oct 2017
I feel like when I fell for you
I fell onto another ledge
and this time
I'm petrified of falling off

I look off the edge
of my pleasant little peak
and what I see
terrifies me

Stories of heartbreak,
of betrayed trust
and unpredictable distance
surround me

I'm terrified of what you can do to me.

I love you
I love to be with you
and I want to be with you
and know you

But I'm too afraid to ask
or when I do ask
I feel like I messed up
because I don't want to ask anything of you

But I know better than that

Changing who I am
to be what I think others want me to be
gets me nowhere
and is disrespectful to myself

My worth exists outside of you

but I'm scared for the part of me
that I've given to you
and what could happen to me
if you take it for good.
A M Oct 2021
we were walking along a tightrope
(a very dangerous affair)

we should've seen it coming

the softest gust of wind
tipped us over the edge

down and down we go
tumbling, falling

just don't let go of my hand
A M Oct 2020
I got too tired
of pushing against the grain

it just wasn’t worth it anymore

I don’t think that love
is supposed to have so much friction
January 2020
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