when I think of you
my heart just about
bursts
with how much I love you

I like it when
You leave a trail of kisses
On my shoulder
And my cheek
And my forehead
And of course
(you know this for certain)
my nose

I wish I could map together
The constellations you have drawn

For I am sure they are beautiful
Like those sparkling in your eyes

words are music
words are grace

words are knives
leaving wounds without a trace

words can inspire
and words can ****

merely a collection of sounds
with which power we fill

so use your words wisely
think before you speak

for words are indeed
the furthest thing from weak

I can smell the salty tears on my pillow

It's damp on my cheek

How can I sleep now?

ode to
the object
where our gazes both come to land

ode to
the harmonies
that we both feel resonating inside us

ode to
the imaginings
that are running through both our minds

ode to that blessed space
in between--
our own little world
where it's just you and i
together, dancing, tumbling in our own dimension

i could stay here a while

i've never before
had my breath
taken away

it's exhilerating

alone and scared
you didn't turn away
i clung to you

the fear left
i had you,
i had you.

then it changed.
your head started to turn

i tried to hold your gaze
but it was returned
with a scowl

alone once more
but this time different

my companion-
memories

i remembered your smile
i remembered your glare
i remembered your embrace
i remembered your shadow
i remembered my security
i remembered my pain

what did i do?

you're like a song i can't get out of my head
but i must admit
i sure do like to sing along

The regular usage
of certain adjectives
has diminished the fortitude
to which they are entitled

But I have found some things
that have taught me their true meaning
and merit their characterization
For instance,

One ought to reserve "breathtaking"
to describe the sunflower field
that I ran to, laughing, with friends
bursting with joyful yellows and grounding greens
as far as the eye can see
reaching, yearning for the light

One ought to reserve "incredible"
to describe the dance between the sky and the river
so beautiful that it truly is difficult to believe
the way the sky looks like a painting
brushed by the passion of an artist
and the way it is reflected by the river
which adds a twinkle as the water waltzes to and fro

One ought to reserve "awesome"
to describe the bustling city
that has beauty and history tucked into every corner
and that positively sparkles in the nighttime
the city in which you have no control over the smile that makes a home on your face
and the way your eyes hurry to take it all in

Je suis contente que j'ai appris
le sens de ces beaux mots
et que j'ai eu des moments
vraiment magnifiques

Thank you.
Thank you for revealing yourself to me in ways that I never could have predicted.
Thank you for introducing me to your loving spirit in the hearts of these girls.
Thank you for the opportunity to learn, share, and grow closer to you.
Thank you for giving me another chance to honor you.
Thank you for allowing me to lead others towards finding you.
Thank you for always being with me in this crazy life.
Thank you for the ups and downs, and thank you for each lesson and blessing you have brought to me in the process.
You have blessed me with so much, and I will take this chance to act in your name, in the name of love, and to spread your spirit the best that I can.
Amen.

I plant so many seeds
With a smile on my face

Eagerly water them
And admire them from the window

But from the window I see all the buds
And my excitement turns to panic

How can I tend to all these flowers?
How could one be expected to do this?

I turn from the window
And never look back.

Now and again I think of my flowers
As if they were frozen just how I left them- as blossoms.

But deep down I know better,
They have withered away.

To distract from this
I turn to a new field

There is a daisy!

How lovely it would be

If there were a whole field of daisies!


And so it begins.

you can't control
your outside


peel back a layer
and there you will find
who you are

I wonder how much time each person spends looking at the sky.

It’s pretty miraculous that
Every single gaze
Is repeatedly pulled to the vast expanse above
From all corners of the earth

It is incontestably necessary.

I wonder if the sky can see us too
If it knows of its great beauty
Of its pull, its allure

Or perhaps not

But what cannot be disputed
Is the fact that it is beautiful
And it unites us all
The great ceiling of our home
Fills each and every soul with wonder
Each and every one

I want to shout, burst, reach, touch
but all that I'm met with is a void

this is paralysis

You deem your sweetness to be your "curse"
because it kept people from seeing you
as more than a friend

But what if it was merely meant to keep the wrong ones at bay
to save you
(and all of your magnificent sweetness)
for me?

I turn up my music
to an ear-splitting volume
walk pointedly to the beat and try
to drown out my thoughts

It doesn’t work
the voices sneak up
and get louder,
faster

I keep walking

sometimes when
it's just the two of us

lazing about
tangled up

basking in the warmth
of each other's touch

it feels like we enter
another dimension

where time suspends
and gravity lifts

it's a little addicting,
isn't it?

When times are tough,
and waves of hurt come crashing on my shores,
the simplest things become my friends
and they mean everything

A song
humming out words of comfort
the tune, rocking me like a cradle

A story
with characters who I love
battling for justice, and goodness, and light

A prayer
speaking of peace
feels like a hand holding mine

They are with me
We are all together

These sources of love,
God, I could not be more grateful for them.

I noticed that I have been drawing stars everywhere recently

In the margins of my paper,
on the inside of my wrist,
traced softly against
the back of your neck

I wasn't sure why
until I got into bed last night
and looked up
at the plastic stars
dancing across my ceiling

And I instantly thought
of how it felt
to look up at those stars
snuggled tight within your arms

They're almost as dazzling
as those tucked within your eyes

And I think that I'm still so blinded
that I see their outline
every time I blink

and I cannot help
but sketch them out
whenever I get the chance

to find something in everything
to savor each day
to look into people's eyes
to stand up straight
to create and be proud of my creations
to shut my eyes, will out my doubts, and jump
to sing
to open myself to others
to listen, and to learn
to wear it, even if it's too much
to laugh until I cry
to live out love.

You give me patience
and time

You can hold steady
while I spin

what did I do to deserve you?

it is astounding
how right you are for me

so much so
that I'm afraid of the possibility
of this coming to an end

I am a pendulum

I swing
back
and forth

and back
and forth

I love him,
I love him not

never in any one position
for long enough for it to matter

I am sorry
I know that this hurts you
(trust me, it hurts me too)

I hope that at some point soon
all the voices in my mind
that blow the pendulum to and fro
will kindly shut up

I always feel torn-
Sometimes I get these glimpses
Of something complex,
And real,
And intense,
And hard to understand.
I can see it for a moment

And I can see it through words.
Have you ever read a book that made you feel…
Awe?
It made you feel like you saw something new,
Like you were shown something amazing,
Like everything has changed.

And I can see it through art.
Have you ever heard or seen something,
That literally took your breath away
Or brought you to tears?
It made you think,
It made you understand that great perhaps
At least for a moment.

And I can see it through other people.
Have you ever been doing something,
Then felt overcome by love?
Or grief?
Or happiness?
People contain this complex reality.
People are this complex reality.

But like sand in my fingertips,
It falls away as soon as I get a hold on it.
I can’t hold onto it for too long.
Distractions are everywhere
And we are living on the surface.
But there is more.
I have seen it, and I know it is there.
How do I put this?
As a great writer once said,
“My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations.”
How can I say something I do not understand?
I’ll keep trying.

What a curious thing
it is to be

now
for the first time
I can hear in the silence
echoes of where
those three words
soon will be

I could spend forever
watching the planes go by
with you

Sometimes I feel guilty for writing about me
"I this, I that..."
It makes me feel selfish.

But why?
Writing about how I feel helps me understand myself
So why does this make me feel uncomfortable?

I think that I feel obligated to write about something more worthwhile
and valuable

But I need to start believing that I am a worthy enough subject.

I am confused and uncomfortable right now
But I am on my way towards being able to say,
"I"
with confidence.

we're both human
I understand
I'm here

the good times are bound to come back soon

may every night end
with you as the last thing i see

and may every morning begin
with yours arms reaching for me

sometimes when I can't sleep
I imagine your warm arms encircling me

friendship happens
when you're neglecting to do
what you're supposed to do

Outside the snow is swirling around
The bundled-up and the rosy cheeked
When they walk inside
Their glasses get all foggy

The fog slowly dissipates
Just to return again
When they take their first sip
of their steaming drink

The cold out there
makes it feel just that much warmer
in here

I walk down the dark sidewalk
Passing through the glow of street lamps
Which show me the first drops of rain
Before I can even feel them

I'm wearing suede shoes
That aren't meant for the rain

And I cannot call home
Because I'm not meant to be out so late

So I put in my earbuds
And turn on a love song
Far too cheerful for this time of night

I watch my rain-splattered suede shoes
Step one in front of the other
Along with the gleeful beat

On a sidewalk speckled with raindrops
Like the night sky speckled with stars

And I smell the dark air
Full of spring and the scent of wet pavement

And I think to myself,
This is where I'm meant to be

(Along with your arms,
which I just begrudgingly left,
bidding a hopeful,
"see you soon")

My mind is like a film
screening our best moments-
the way you whispered in my ear as we danced
the way my heart leapt when you asked me to see a movie
the way you kissed my forehead, my head resting on your chest.

Throughout the day
thoughts of you
bubble up

and they make me smile,
and sing,
and feel like I could float off into the air

Our movie is brief right now,
but boy do I hope this is just the beginning.

it's waking up to you
swimming in sheets of white
and glimmers of soft morning light

snuggling into your easy touch
feeling warmth pour out of your body,
your eyes

let this never end

I am more than what you see me as
I am more than the box you put me in
I am more than naive beliefs, happy days, and second chances

Do not look down on me.

I am a warrior
I have been beaten down
(More than you know)
And I've learned how to stand back up

My armor is made of compassion
and forgiveness
and love

It's what makes me strong

They say distance makes the heart grow fonder

That may be true
But for me

It also makes my body grow restless,
My thoughts grow nostalgic,
My self-control grow weak

As every part of me longs
To be with you

do you ever feel alone
in a crowded room?

me too

Truth be told
My heart was heavy for a little while
And the weight was so much
That I was too weak to see you

But it's getting lighter day by day
And I can see you now
And boy, do I love you
Boy, do I love you

you are my home.
you are my safe place.
no matter where the winds take me
i know i may always fly back to you
and your warm embrace
reaches all the way
to touch my heart

When you kiss my nose
softly
then look in my eyes

I think that nothing the world
could possibly taste
as sweet
as this feels

I feel like I can finally exhale
and let myself just love you

Why is it that
the present
is so illusive?

I like to look into your eyes
to see your heart and let you see mine

I like it when you squeeze my hand
it makes me smile and understand

That I love you and you love me
and together's where I want to be

we were walking along a tightrope
(a very dangerous affair)

we should've seen it coming

the softest gust of wind
tipped us over the edge

down and down we go
tumbling, falling

just don't let go of my hand

i want to slow down
and feel my mind settle
until it comes to a stop
to rest in the now

but how?

Regular consumption of art
Careful observation of the outdoors
A challenge with which to grapple
Café au lait
Walking as a mode of transportation
Learning through conversation
Documenting how you feel
Going the extra mile for others (when you don't have to)
Chocolate bars eaten in their entirety
Exaggerated French accents
Shedding your inhibitions and embracing your bravery
Loved ones

invisible
wrong
annoying
not enough

voices in my head
are shouting at each other

it's too loud, too fast
i want it to stop

it hurts the most coming from you
please
just see me

I have never felt this way before

My heart
it's singing

My head
can't help
but sing along

Like the breeze
that tosses my hair
this way and that

Thoughts of you
blow on by
and my mind
collapses
into your melody

Always subject to your wind
my thoughts have
slipped
out of my control

But I don't mind