Disoras na naman ng gabi,
At ‘di ko alam kung saan ako aabutin ng kahangalang ito.
Andaming sabi-sabi sa mga tabi-tabi,
At naisipan kong isulat ang ilan sa mga ‘to.

Kung mabasa ito ng iba kong kakilala,
Siguradong pagti-tripan ako ng mga tangina.
Pero ayos lang, ano pa bang mawawala?
Sanay na ako’t sobrang kapal na ng aking mukha.

Nais ko lamang ibahagi ang isang kwento,
At marining kung ito’y naranasan na din ba ng iba.
Pagkat sa ikot ng ating mundo,
Ang kwentong magkapareho’y anong ginhawa.

Hayskul ako noon nang una kong masabi na, “Shet, gusto kita.”
Ano pang mga ka-kornihan ang ginawa ko’t sumulat ng tula.
Napainom pa ako ng energy drink para lang masabi,
Na sa tuwing nakikita kita’y abot langit naang aking ngiti.

Ngunit ayun lamang at ako’y ‘di pinalad.
Sa mga rasong tila dapat ay batid ko naman.
Paano nga ba ang sarili’y mailalakad,
Kung sa mga simpleng salop ako’y walang mailaman.

Naging mabuti naman pagkat ika’y minahal ng isang tunay na kaibigan,
‘Wag niyo na lamang akong imbitahan sa inyong kasal.
Sa ngayo’y ang alaala na ito’y dumaraan na lamang,
Tuwing napag-iisa’t ubod ng pagal.

Limang taon ang nalipas at muli kong sinubukan,
Sa ibang babae naman binuksan ang kalooban.
Akala ko ay pwede na,
Ngunit, puta, ‘di rin pala.

Ang hirap mo maging kaibigan,
Lahat ng tao sa paligid mo’y ako’y sinisiraan.
Batid kong may pagkakaiba ang ikot ng ating kaisipan,
Ngunit inakala kong posible ang pagkakasunduan.

‘Di ako ng tipo ng madalas magkagusto,
Lalo na din siguro sa mga pangyayaring nasulat rito.
Tingin man ng iba’y dapat maataas ang aking tiwala sa sarili,
Mga taong ‘may kaya niyan’ ay sadiyang pili.

Sa totoo lang, marami akong ayaw sa sarili ko,
Kaya’t malalim na takot ang nararamdaman ko.
Kahit na sabihin ng iba noon na gusto nila ako,
Dagli kong iisiping, “Sino niloloko mo?”

Nanay ko lang tumawag sa aking gwapo,
At sa mga manininda at drayber ko lang narinig ang, “Uy, pogi!”
Ngunit sa katotohanan pala’y iba-iba talaga ang pagtingin ng tao,
At minsa’y may mga tunay sa magkakagusto sa’yong mga ngiti.

May mga lumapit na rin,
Babae at lalaki, nagparamdam ng pagtingin.
Ngunit ayaw ko ring lokohin sila at ang aking sarili,
Kung ‘di naman tunay ang magiging pagpili.

Kaya siguro ako tumatandang ganito,
Malakas ang loob at mukhang masungit,
Dahil sa loob ng 20 taon ay kinaya ko ang sarili ko,
Mag-isa akong bumabangon at pumipikit.

Kinaya kong mamuhay ng mag-isa,
Kaya mahirap hanapan ng lugar ang para pa sa iba.
Ngunit ‘di tayo nawawalan ng pag-asa,
Na merong ‘siya’ na darating nga.

Andami nating hinarap na mga problema,
Iniyakan ‘to, uminom dahil dun at kung anu-ano pa.
Ngunit kung iisipin, masa madali **** malalampasan yan,
Kung may isang taong tunay kang pakikinggan.

Sa lahat ng ‘di buong nabiktima ni kupido,
Na sa’yo lamang lumipad ang palaso,
‘Wag kang bibitiw kapatid ko,
Ang araw ng iyong kasiyahan at ligaya’y pinapangako ko.

Patuloy na managarap at managinip,
Tadhana’y nariyan at unti-unting sisilip.
Malay mo bukas paggising mo,
Kayakap mo na ang taong pinapangarap mo.

We might be known for our glorified past,
How we went out and played real games outside.
And then time just flew so fast,
There are a lot of things, now, we can’t ride.

We grew up knowing society had rules.
TV said to study, go to college, and live happily.
But what unfolded before us is kinda rude,
A painful slap of some dose of a new bossoming reality.

As every generation may argue,
Ours may claim to be really confused.
Memories of bike rides and skies of different hues,
Rapidly changed by virtual abuse.

We still try to live authentic though,
Thinking wishfully that we can escape the Net.
Go to places, do things, go back and forth,
Brushing off every little regret.

But who’re we actually fooling?
The Net is inescapable,
Lose interconnectedness and you’ll cease existing,
A feeling that is plain horrible.

We’ll figure this out someday,
That’s what we tell ourselves,
But as we live each day,
We acknowledge that a little help wouldn’t hurt.

Sapagkat ngayon ay matututo tayo sa mga bagay na 'di natin maintindihan,
Kakapit tayo sa mga talinhagang kahit ang mga pilosopo ay hirap sa pagpapaliwanagan.
Susubok at susugal sa bukas na walang kasiguraduhan,
Sabay aasa sa pangako ng isang tunay na hinaharap na makakamtan.

Dahil ang damdamin ay nakaalpas na sa paghangad,
Ngayo'y may sinusundang tahakin na mas marapat.
Saya at ligaya para at ng sa iba sa isipa'y nailapat,
Mga naisin at mithiin ay nauunawaang hindi agad-agad.

Ngayon ay marapat na mabuhay sa kasalukuyan,
Damhin ang ligaya, kalungkutan, at lahat ng sa gitna'y mararamdaman,
Sa buhay, sarili natin ang ating tangan,
Balang araw, kung anuman, ay ating mahahagkan.

And so I told them they can tell me,
That sharing wouldn't be a problem.
Assured them that whatever be,
I will be here for them.

I said many things, big and small,
Comforted one and all.
For if someone will break down and fall,
I'll be responsible for their lost soul.

Be this, be that,
Be whatever you want.
The problem's nowhere's at,
Just let it lie flat.

One thing I forgot though,
Is listen to what I was saying.
Apparently, my words are my foe,
And to them I am losing.

A slap to oneself,
A blow to one's ego.
Never be shy to cry for help,
Yourself do not forego.

Lagi ka na lang
tourist spot na ayos picture-an,
handa pag may birthday lang,
extreme sport na masayang subukan,
gown pag debut, dress pag kasalan,
leap year pag pinagpala,
blue moon pag may himala,
lakad ng barkada kung tuloy ang aya.
One time, big time.

Kailan ka kaya magiging
tambayan anuman ang dahilan,
kanin sa kahit anong ulam,
basketball na laging andiyan,
t-shirt, shorts, pants na 'di pangmayaman,
a-kinse at a-trenta pag minalas,
new moon, full moon at lahat ng quarter,
fixed date.
Big time, all the time.

We have never been so connected.
Humanity has never been this accepting.
Indeed, we are moving forward.
But isn't it ironic?
That in this age of openness,
It is considered wiser not to show care.
That caring is something miraculous.
Almost.
We almost did it.
We almost showed passion.
We almost cared.
We almost loved.
We.
Almost.
Made it.
Almost. But never enough.
Yes, now, we value honesty but we always forget that not saying what we really want to say is the opposite of what we uphold.
This is not honesty.
This is far from the truth.
We are lying.
We've been lying to ourselves.
Hypocrites.
Casualties.
We end up faking our deaths,
Eternally uncertain what could've happened if veered away from life's
What if's.

kamusta ka?
kamusta araw mo?
ah ganun ba..
ako din
bawal madaya!
just play along
yaan mo na yun!
kumain ka na?
ligo lang ako
nakita mo na ba yung post?
***** tayo
dito na ako
saya no?
next time ulit
i like this

Someday, I will smile a genuine a smile,
A smile that will be pure, true and heartfelt.
I will wear it and travel miles and miles,
Wear off those in the past I felt.

Someday, I will be truly honest,
I will tell you how I really am.
That if back then you saw me at my ‘best,’
You’ll know I’m not really ******.

Someday, I will stop my hypocrisy,
And save myself from being a casualty.
Someday, I will be happy.
Someday, I will truly be happy

I
For the best time to learn how to swim is when you are drowning,
The right moment to live is when you feel you’re dying,
Be not afraid of the unfamiliar, of uncertainties,
That are disguised in forms of hundreds of questions and opportunities.

II
The life we live is a series of narratives,
Of wins, of losses, of growing seeds and falling leaves.
Be prepared for plot twists and guest characters,
As your role will change from each time and thereafter.

III
You will feel happiness and other emotions from time-to-time,
Things that will puzzle you and leave you wondering where’s the rhyme,
All I can say is take comfort in fleeting times you’re feeling lost,
For it only means you know where you want to go -- a destination you’re about to cross.

IV
The uncharted waters might feel unsafe, risky, and sketchy,
Tread them carefully as on the other side are liberties.
Anxious? Stressed? Or perhaps startled and confused?
These are feelings signalling evolution that are being put to use.

V
Be excited to the places you will go and people you will meet.
Give everything, a wave, a smile, a meaningful greet!
You are destined to meet the You’s who are just about to be,
Greatness and possibilities are just some of what you are to see.

VI
Regrets will be in place as they will always be part of this epic,
The ones which will hurt the least on your deathbed must be the ones picked.
Remember that a day in your life when you will ask yourself questions will come,
I wish that you’d be able to answer and forgive yourself for everything you didn’t become.

Always this, but never that.
Comparisons made at.
It'll never overlap,
An eternal void, infinite gap.

Whatever gold I have,
Falls short of what I want.
Am I ungrateful or what?
I just want this to shut.

An innocent question, I have
I wonder if a time has passed,
If in your mind you had,
An idea of me that dashed.

I guess I'll never stop,
Having your thoughts inside.
To empty faith, I'll hop,
Lose myself, lose my guide.

Perception has always been people's reality,
What we see is what we mainly look for.
We leave good probabilities for an ideal possibility,
Putting an 'open' sign in front of a closed door.

Today, the social voices are louder,
Where the old rich are still deities and privileged trends are gods,
We fall prey to what they cater,
Wishfully hoping that we're favored by the odds.

Addicted to the momentary high of a 'match',
Eyes glued to a notification of a new tap.
Everyone believes they are a catch,
Idols deserving of all the world's slow clap.

The now is defined by open button downs,
Pushed back hair and pumped up arms.
Jeans are tight, matched with shoes that are brown,
Anything out of place will trigger an alarm.

How can the average hopeless romantic fight,
When wit and wisdom sums up his might?
He sips his wine during the night,
Closing his eyes halfheartedly wishing to see a new light.

He has many reasons to be happy,
Yet he's looking for something that can make him smile.
It may sound really petty,
But for this, he's ready to walk another mile.

We are tired of not dying, of merely existing,
Looking for perceived purpose and minute meaning.
One wonders when one can start living genuinely free,
One hopes to learn how it feels to be.

Marahil ay yun nga,
Bagay na dapat ay batid na,
Mahilig ka sa pinagmumukha
Kang tanga.
Di ito drama pagkat ito'y
Tuwa.
Sa dami ng salita ko'y
May nagpapatahimik bigla.
Saan ka, Tata?
Saan ka, ligaya?

Kala mo wala na.
Nakatingin na sa iba.
Tapos,
Kakalingon,
may nakita,
may narinig,
naamoy, nalasahan,
Naramdaman.
puting van,
The Man Who Can't Be Moved,
ulan, fries,
Yun.
Ulit.

You know you want to give more,
Yet you’re aware you’ve given it all.
You try to search for something else,
Yet even that, you’ve got none, not just less.

In a constant desire to inspire,
I acknowledge, now I need some things so dire,
Inward you ask yourself,
Introspection leads to a conclusion you need help.

Never give up, that’s what you know,
Not for yourself alone, that’s how you go,
Nice things you’ve always done,
Nature’s way made it all gone.

You need some form of balance,
A way to replenish and give yourself a stance.
Now, you’ll try to look for something new,
Give yourself; something fresh you need to do.

When you starting asking why,
Things get a little shaky.
This question will just try,
Boggle your mind that was all ready.

But you keep on doing what you do,
Even though you can't understand.
To your beliefs you'll remain true,
Everyone can always reach for your hand.

This is the kind of love that I have.
A kind that completes everyones halves.
A kind of love that transcends.
A kind of live that you can't comprehend.

Ideas are bulletproof that is why they are harder to win over,
Especially when affirming instances come one after the other.
The body succumbs while the mind knows better,
Hopping from one stone to the other hoping we get to a constant somewhere.
Throbbing wind whispers a beep,
Rushing cars swooshing their trip,
Her voice looking at me knowingly,
“You know it but here’s the story.”
The high improbability and the comparisons,
The stretch that echoes unfounded sounds,
The conversation that could’ve been,
Shall and must remain as a romanticized fiction,
Started, peaked, jumped, risked, failed, hoped, failed, and left for the conclusion.
As you have absolutely no choices,
To raise your eyes and ears is something to give your best.
Everyone’s kinda moving,
It’s not a race but for everyone the road is ending.
I would still have that grin, whisper, and crookedness,
Inasmuch as nothing of those are even close to any semblance of realness.
I must remain the best parts of what I have to offer,
A refined, mature, swaying, itching, panacea of everything you wish I wish I could cater.

Then you check if they're asleep,
Sneak at the wash room,
Check if you made it right,
Damps some towel and looks for some holes,
Then you light it up.
As it gets to you, you hear them,
You know they're not there.
You just hear them.
And you realize when you go to bed,
Hearing the noise of the air-conditioner,
Your eyes adjusting to the darkness,
You see your pillow just the way you want it.
But no one can deny,
Your home is nowhere.
Not here, definitely not there.

                                                         ­           You just grew apart.

Creating realities after realities is a nice practice,
A bit dangerous as well when done myopically.
The ability to empathize to points of others’ specificity,
Writes a narrative now more than one can see.

We take our blinders off,
And open the doors of the world.
Be cautious in listening to the self alone,
For other beats may give you a better rhythm.

Why remain the protagonist
In an epic of false dichotomies?
When you can be no one
In a prose that makes sense arguably?

A step back is a mere change of direction,
Nothing is similar as fire may be the basic stuff of the universe.
Breathe the air of the proverbially found boys,
Yet be sharp to be conscious of the notes you hear that you enjoy.

I never had those red fights caused by small stuff.
Neither did I experience those orange walks by the sea.
I never woke up to yellow sunrise next to anyone.
Not even a green stroll around one's favorite garden.
I wish I had known how to turn one's blues during late night calls.
And turn them to indigo fantasies at once.
And make one's violet eyes brighter.

I only know of a sea of grey.
A bit of white and an ocean of black.
I feel comfort in my own spot of darkness.
Fearing any inch of light will cause a mess.
There were two or three who tried to pull me out,
But I refused for I did not understand.
For now I shall stay where I am,
And feel the make-believe comfort I have made.

Inward you know it's messed up.

Alone, you do things.
More often becomes most often.

Seeking the truth, you'll realize.
An ounce of tear won't suffice.
Dealing with it, you wish you know how.

Opened the pandora's box
Yet
Again.
This time I know I will be Stronger.
Aggression,
Assertion.
tbc

You’ve always thought that you’ve bled for what is noble,
That what you have done is for the grander goal.
But you know and acknowledge, deep down, yourself,
That these things are also matters that for you could be of help.

You’ve always thought that happiness circled around the concept of choice,
A way of thinking that others, too, have always voiced.
But you know, we know, that this is some form of a fallacy,
A piece of wisdom we share for I am We.

Happiness might actually be a choice on the surface,
But the ‘illusion’ and quantity isn’t the only problem that we face.
The very concept of framing two things as oppositions to the same goal is problematic,
An idea that is now becoming to be apparently synthetic.

But maybe these are tribulations of those who want to meet halfway,
Those who would want to strike the balance through careful weighs.
A tough thing to arrive at, that’s for sure,
But we believe that’s we’ve always been built to find the cure.

You do weird things when you don’t know what to do,
Like to refuse a kiss just because something will see what you do,
Or offer a hug that will be awkward for the two of you.
You try to figure **** out,
Seeking multiple advice without doubt,
With ultimately following your instincts all throughout.
I should not but, I apologize as I feel that is how interest feels like,
As if you were to plunge as your training wheels were pulled out of the bike,
Or that thing in your stomach when you are to speak in crowds and are given the mic.
I’d say I shouldn’t have done it,
Yet saying that would mean nothing as I feel no guilt,
I am learning — creating the me that I know and feel I can be built.
Oh, but hey, that doesn’t mean that if given the chance I won’t take,
To go at it again for fun and freedom’s sake,
Let’s do it and enjoy being each other’s mistake.

We are now back to regular programming,
Plugged back in the normal curve of our every day.
The high from the pill is rapidly wearing off,
Proactively looking for a more stable source.
I have arrived to the conclusion that I have to find someone like me:
The sender of the first message,
The one who cares more,
The half in a better half.
I am trying this thing called vulnerability,
To learn all possible probabilities.
The thrill-seeking, trigger-happy one,
Plunges to the void right after the day is done.
To find someone like me would mean I can be like them --
Like them but better.
Though who am I to cast verdicts on personality,
As the grand cosmos is something all of us cannot see.
The downward spiral wants to be freed,
Enlightenment is what we need.
Get through the day, the week, the month, the year or so,
Get through Time
As Time is the ancient incantation for liberty,
We know we can and some time we will be.

What makes something universal this sensational?
Are we just so drowned in our self pity parties?
Once the dawn made you realized -- you aren't special,
Are you supposed to feel devastated or perhaps at ease?

You admire someone who doesn't admire you.
Someone you don't like just can't help but like you.
The circle of life that we have always wanted to define,
Gets harder time by time.

For you always wanted to talk to that person,
Yet you are annoyed by the messages of the other.
You've always wanted to touch and put things in motion,
But tries to get away from the other further and further.

Then your dumb mind starts to wonder,
On why your 'one' can't even say your name.
Perhaps, now you know the answer,
How you're played given the rules of your own game.

Would you have wanted to know the colors of the sky
Just to let them fade and from your hands fly?
Is it better to know how jazz sounds like
And never hear it from any other mic?
Was the warmth of the ember worth it
Knowing you'll live in the cold and never again feel the heat?
Do you find the bizarre taste of comfort admirable?
Even if it'll only be served once on the table?
Is your scent worth remembering
Despite the undeniable fact that it's next to nothing?
Was it better to know and have hoped to forget
Or to be ignorant and completely have no memory nor idea of it?
Tell me, to which will I feel less bad:
To lose or to not have had?

Somebody help, I'm being pulled,
I'm turning to what I keep on repeating.
It's enough everyone's fooled,
Save me from this mad, mad thing.

I refuse to live alone, that I admit,
But I'm slowly losing the capacity to feel.
It's a normal state, being ****,
It's, for me, what is real.

Teach me how to change the ways,
Usher me to brighter paths.
The future that is so full of haze,
Shouldn't end up a corner for the sad.

It was another journey to write a story
So we unify with all the parts defeating gaps
Then we heard songs that were keys to the sunrise
That was blinding yet was just about to be

We welcome our guests for some chats
Hearing your thoughts with full clarity
That one of the reasons why
As it is just part of your long allegory

Like the dawn I also realized one thing
That is yet to be stronger echoing back
That voice that will call the commonality
And on that day -- we will all be free

You’ve stood your ground all your life,
You’ve dug graves that goes too deep.
A momentary bow from the fight,
In order for yourself to keep.

What little of what remains,
Visions, faith and hope,
They shall remain in the veins,
But now they need to cope.

You’ll never die for reasons you wouldn’t know,
Yours will remain intact even after the glow.
Let the initial curtains bow low,
You’re in it for an even better sequel of the show.

I wanted to ask you what you were afraid of,
When in reality it is I whom fear some thing.
I guess I just wanted to universalize the trope,
That such feeling is common for us living.

I suffer, once again, from the imagination,
Of the death of the ego, the shame of it all,
The inevitability embraced with anticipation,
Remains of the image come to finally fall.

Yet a part of me thinks it would be relief,
To go through the worst thing I can think,
It might usher me towards a new belief,
Remind of fleeting feelings - gone in a blink.

I take comfort in those I know, who knows me,
Especially the inner child in my mind and body,
I may die, but I will live, as it all should be,
For now, I’ll breathe in and out, and stay steady.

Blame it on the movies, I guess.
What was fed to us when we were young.
Good to know, things're present from both ends,
Conflict and culture circled our tongue.
We see others and we wonder,
How could their lives be perfect in total?
'Til we realize everyone's the same -- we all shatter,
No one, actually, ever feels normal.

You open your eyes unsatisfied,
Yearning for something more, longer.
But that moment already died,
And continues to die further and further.

In there, we are just perfect.
Happiness can’t be put into words.
It was everything I dream of.
I have the best of all worlds.

Your laugh, your words I can’t forget,
The way you held and looked at me,
I wish all those, once more, I can get.
More than existing I want to know how to be.

With you I want to explore all realms,
Everything I can’t fathom.
I guess, we all have those dreams,
We don’t want to wake up from.

Then we say the set-up works for us,
A system where we give more than we receive.
Made clear what that was,
Lying alone, they leave.
"We got what was wanted."
The 'only' thing that mattered.
But who are we fooling?
The feeling of being needed was no close to fleeting.
This is why I need you,
You and I.
Your scent shall shall stay, too.
Forgetting, I will try.

Gabi na naman - oras na ng pagpikit,
Muling matutulog ng may maraming ‘bakit?’
Patuloy na naghahanap ng kahulugan,
Sa mundong kawalan ay naglalaglagan.

Babangon ulit sa bukas na ‘di tiyak,
Malungkot man ay wala ng maiyak,
‘Di rin alam kung nais pa ba ‘tong mabago,
Lahat naman ng buhay ay ‘di sigurado.

Ngayon ay aalalay na lang sa alon,
Sa dala nitong hampas at daluyong,
Baka bukas makalawa sinong mag-aakala,
Magigising nang nasa payapang dalampasigan na

You're not the one who could comfort;
Neither shoulders to cry on.
You might have prepared to say some words;
Save them; be needed, they won't.
As much as someone was there waiting,
For your call that didn't ring,
This situation shall forever sing,
The epic cycle of emptiness where we're living in.
I do hope that it is true,
That one day, without looking, you'll find,
Someone who'll lift you from the blues,
And realize, "Hey, we're two of the same kind."

I have chosen to stare at a blank space.
Something that I usually do.
The feeling isn't that different,
The emptiness still remains true.
For the years of my existence,
I have always searched for life's essence.
I thought I found it in two,
But to that, I failed miserably, too.
I yearn for someone.
Someone I could talk to..
About everything, anything actually.
Someone who'll provide good conversation.
Good conversation -- that's what I've always admired.
Someone who will listen.
One who'll just stare at me.
With pure silence, one who will understand.
While some have tried to be that person,
I can't let them.
They are not just that person.
Fear.
I don't want to waste either of our time figuring things out.
Trying if it'll work.
That's why I've spared them and myself the problem.
My liking is of singular preference.
That unique factor I can't fathom.
I want someone to hug me every morning.
Someone who'll fool me as I go to sleep and tell me that things will be okay.
I am full of love.
And I want to share this.
Share this with someone not necessarily special,
No, I'm not looking for that.
Someone who'll undestand is enough.

"I actually like you," she said.
"Trust your instincts," he said.
"No."
One year after.
Another one passed.
"Yes."
A little too late.

Should there be guilt in evolving dreams?
Must we apologize to our younger selves for wanting different things?
The universe isn't how it seemed.
We have seen wider and wider rings.

Our aspirations are changing,
And the thoughts are scary.
To what will we anchor our feelings?
Longing for some assurance and stability?

Yet we can't blame our mind,
Finding new questions to every answers retrieved.
To the Forward we can't hide,
As such is the only thing feasible we can achieve.

The past is a place we can never be,
While tomorrow is a possibility.
It's easier to dream of being 25 when you're 20;
But never 29 when you're 30.

We will always want something different,
Bigger, more, always at the comparative degree.
May these possibilities be met,
And may the soulless be free.

They should care, shouldn't they?
I am speaking my mind.
Witty. Opinionated. Bold.
And you (not) tell me no hearts?
In a sea of eyes, no one saw.
Bed of shoulders I can't lean on.
Cave of ears that only gave me an echo.
Hello?
Am I?
Are we alone? Together? At the same time?
Mindless and lifeless taps of filtered and augmented reality;
In search for fame for established credibilty.
Are my thoughts mine?
Or does this collective psyche trivializes the special rhyme?
Save.

The life I created is about to pop,
Worse days are about to drop,
Seeing the end of the simulation,
What was was indeed an illusion.

I think I’ve forgotten how to dream,
My mind’s looping a silent scream,
Losing myself, feeling like a waste,
A sorry excuse for a life misplaced.

“Your sob story is not that special,
Stop being too **** sentimental,”
These I tell myself every waking day,
Figuring out how it is to, again, be okay.

“Just go and do something about it,”
So hard when I just really want to quit.
It feels I’m just watching myself from afar,
Seeing he’s given up in his personal war.

Maybe I’ll wake up soon and feel better,
Maybe I’ll dream again and find my center,
I don’t know when for I lost all my hope,
I’m no longer living for all I do now is cope.

If anything,
An affirmation, a validation.
Varying degrees,
Differing simlarities, similar differences.
That sense,
Of humor, of grief.
All these put you to bed,
To sleep, to wake.

Dip in motivation,
Solved by ounces of hallucination.
Entering the void,
Keeping oneself from being toyed.
Wake up! Wake up!
From within you resist the tap.
But you know for yourself,
The instability of your mind-shelf.
The sooner you accept solitude,
The quicker you know you're doomed.
Without them, you can't be happy,
Trust me; you'll never be free.

When a Philosopher thinks,
He does not only think.
No overthinking either,
'Cause that is an impossibility for a King.

He reaches depths of desire and trenches of tranquility;
peaks of pessimism and heights of hallucinations.

He remembers his childhood, and the years that has passed after that.
He remembers today.
He remembers tomorrow.

When a Philosopher thinks,
Only two things can happen,
Like the yin and the yang,
He either lives to die,
Or dies to learn how to live.

Everybody's looking for something,
Probably a person or maybe just some feeling.
Everyone yearns, aspires, and hopes,
Holding on to their fictitious ropes.

We try to find it somewhere,
Look here, look there, look almost everywhere.
But maybe we've been actually missing,
Can't seem to find a thing.

For the longest time, it's been nothing,
And this is not changing,
'Cause we have to admit, that yes,
We're looking for it at the wrong places.

Then I saw you.
Amidst the sea of faces,
Drowned further by the noise.
You were there, trying to smile.
We mirror each other.
Pretended to look around but only looking for our eyes.
I smiled.
You did, too.
It's sad 'cause it won't happen.
I'm sad we didn't make it happen.

They'd ask, "How are you?"
I'd say, "I'm okay."
"You sure?," they pull it through.
"I'm just tired," I say.

But what I don't tell is that,
I'm not just tired.
With every worn hat,
I just wanna be fired.

Sleep won't fix this.
I need some break.
Maybe a few minutes,
Those I would take.

I need to part ways, I think,
From life even.
I'm at the brink,
Looking for my own haven.

'Cause we never talked past 2 a.m.
When words were deeper; and
Emotions truer.
Maybe it's because of who I am.
For I didn't know better; and
Afraid for my glasses to shatter.
It might be because of shame.
That left me on the end bitter; and
Life in a room so much darker.
I wish we are the same.
Afraid that we turned into waiter; and
Hoping we could make each other feel lighter.
I'd find comfort in that delusional game.
Pretending I'm more than a brother; and
You're a worthwhile partner.

Do not hate yourself tomorrow
For the choices you made today.
For now, yes, you did kowtow,
With the limited cards you can play.

In a few hours the sun will rise,
It’ll be another brand new day.
You may not be assured of a prize,
You’ve still got here, a place to stay.

Right now it doesn’t make sense,
But hey, ask yourself, what does?
Release oneself from all the tense,
No one really knows, what’s the fuss?

We are here and we gotta live,
Rebelliously, we do what we gotta do,
Embrace now and yourself forgive,
You’re doing you, through and through.