you're nervous
'take a drink, it'll calm you down'

you're nervous
'here, take a hit, a little **** will do ya good'

you're nervous
'come sit next to me, I'll make sure nothing bad happens to you'

now you're drunk
now you're baked
now you're being touched, felt, caressed

but it doesn't matter.
you're no longer nervous.
you can't feel.
you don't care.

you're exactly what they want you to be
no longer timid
no longer shy
no longer *nervous

You smiled at me as I laid my head on your chest
and for a split second I thought it was real

How can you embrace these icy lips
Knowing that they've kissed razors
And how can you trace my hips
With the tips of your fingers

When you see the bones begin to show
And red lines crisscross this skin again
When my skin both feels and looks like snow
Ugly and cold like the beast inside

And how can you scream
"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?"
While i'm sobbing on my knees
Crushed by the pain inside and out

I CANT STOP. Cant you see i ******* try?
Fighting to finish dinner, to keep it down
So i'll try and try and scream and lie
Because i don't want you to see

You love the girl who gives eskimo kisses
Who lies awake with you for hours
And ***** you and loves this
Silly bittersweet game we play

But not this sick, tormented ghoul
Who's slowly committing suicide
Whose wretched twisted soul
Is rotting her body from the inside out

I need you i want you i love you
But i need to push you away
Because the dark and wrenching truth?
I'm a grenade, about to explode.

You're sad...
they think you want to hurt yourself.
You're angry....
they think you'll **** someone.
You're happy...
they think you're high.

Can you ******* win anymore?

Some day you'll find a girl who didn't cut her bangs like I did when you told me not to.
She wont want piercings and hair dye and wont wear outcasting clothes that you didn't like either.
You'll be able to pick up a drink without her worrying, and you will spend you're night with your guys without any disturbance.
You won't have to deal with a down hearted gloomy girl who you questioned once you saw where she stood socially.
You'll find a girl who won't be considered artistic, but instead is the captain of sports teams.
Maybe she'll be smart too, you won't get angry with her because she tries hard and always gets an A. Maybe then it won't interfere with your relationship.
You'll **** her in all the ways we taught each other how, but it won't take long for you to forget the stories behind the lessons.
You'll touch her in all the right places because I showed you where.
You'll love her endlessly without the worry of hurting her damaged heart
and
She'll be able to take care of you in a way I never could.
Maybe she'll be better for you, and you're anxiety won't spike up.
She probably won't cut her thighs and stop eating when she's upset
and you wouldn't have to hide to people the reason why I've lost so much weight.
She'd be happy and delicate and your parents would love her.

But if there's one thing I know,
She will never ******* love you like I did.