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Clara Oswin Sep 2014
At times like this i wish i had just slit my wrists when nobody gave a ****
In sociology we learned the term culture lag,
Society takes some time to adapt to new technology
It took me a while too
So why do you only choose to love me once i hate myself?
Its not fair to ask me to be okay now.
Once i've started agreeing to everyone telling me i'm worthless
They've started saying words like talented, gorgeous, kind
It. Is. Not. Fair.
I cant take it anymore. Everything is a lie and im so sick of it.
Dont tell me you love me. Give up. Hit me. Hurt me. Dont write about how you cry when i slice my skin.
You only loved me once i became incapable of loving myself.
  Sep 2014 Clara Oswin
Muggle Ginger
If you are uncomfortable when you look in the mirror,
keep in mind:
We spent thousands of years
trying to convince the earth
she was flat.

We wrote her maps as evidence of the things we saw;
and she believed them.
She cried tsunamis, and had earthquake breakdowns.

Keep in mind: the Sun never gave up hope.
The earth will keep spinning and breathing
the star-dusty space void of encouragement.

Next time you look in the mirror
and second-guess your potential divinity,
remember you will keep shining and living.

Because the Sun is out there
believing in you,
compensating for lack of the human capacity
to treat each other empathically.

You don’t need proof or approval
to be exactly what you are;
Eventually everyone will see
your infinite beauty.
Clara Oswin Sep 2014
The abyss between living and dying
Limbo for the cowards like us
Who feel with vicious intensity
Can you feel the pressure building inside
Shaking your cells like a bottle of coke
Trying to release it- slowly now
Crack the lid

Slicing away at skin as if the disease is in our blood
Dripping ink on paper while our lips pray for love
Wailing curses no one will ever hear
******* useless strangers till the loneliness disappears
Shooting up so your soul finally feels alive
And when all that is gone you simply want to die

A whole bin of toys to choose from
So we don't have to extinguish this nightmare
Because if we chose to let it spill out on its own
We would have to step to one side- personally,
I don't know whether to live or die
Clara Oswin Sep 2014
I'm sitting here
Reading her poetry
And i know i would hate it
Despise her, scream and shake
If she ever did that to me but
Nevertheless, here i am
Tears rushing down
As the lonliness
Pours out
From her words
Spilling through the screen
And dripping down my shirt
In fat drops of saltwater and mucus
And my heart is aching i wonder how
Much pressure the human heart can take
But my A&P; teacher hasn't taught me that yet
The pressure keeps building and i want
To give her all the love she deserves
To rip the sadness from her chest
And shove it inside my ribcage
Keep it locked up so that
She doesn't feel pain
I'm so sorry
Clara Oswin Jul 2014
I put a cigarette out on my wrist
And smiled as I thought of you
I'll keep smoking keep drinking
I'll keep fighting until the stench of your hands are gone
Clara Oswin Jul 2014
Like the ancient Greek gods and goddesses
It is a boastful caricature of qualities
To some it is heaven, nirvana, swarga loka
A promise of better days to come
If they can once (just once) be good enough
Its a pure soul, a blissful life
A polished floor, the colors of space
Perfection is everything

Perfection is nothing
Like the ancient Greek gods and goddesses
It is too full of itself, pretentious and vain
To some it looks like heaven, nirvana, swarga loka
Far away but they want to touch
If only they could wash the stains from their souls

But those stains are necessary
They are the stars in the sky
The universe is composed of inkstains blended together
Accidents exist but if we look
We can see the imprints the leave
The cosmos, the stars
Hurricanes and fires
Newborn babies, hope and love

Lost limbs and burnt eyes
Death and cruel lies
Are not perfection
But they help us see the strength in us
They help us find real love
By embracing imperfection we learn to live
Clara Oswin Jul 2014
I avoid food and love and lust
Because I ache for it
Because it makes me feel normal

A momentary high is not
Worth the inevitable plummet
And as you reach your hands around my neck I am not sure if you are going to

Caress me, envelop me in kisses
Or choke away this pulsing pain
I am not sure which I long for more

Inside me there is darkness
A contorted version of the little girl
I used to be once upon a time

I am still that ugly little girl
Who prayed for birds and bugs
Then turned around and beat herself up with bike chains and pavement and rock

But maybe i am something more now
Fear courses through my veins
I am deciding who I will be
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