Alexis A

Sep 2014

Liz

Shrink yourself
Oh she's fading away
Hold her bones together
As the movies play

When a diet becomes an addiction
I felt myself give in
My mind was hooked on these
Skinny thoughts

Bones dance in my dreams
And I couldn't be shaken awake
Yes I'll be skinny like the others
Beautiful like I want

But there's nothing beautiful
About your hair falling out
And passing out and hitting your head
And freezing in the summer
And constantly falling asleep

There's nothing cute about
***** in your hair
And on your clothes
****** noses
And aching bones

Nothing glamorous behind that bathroom door
Just a stupid girl
With her head stuck half way down the pipes

#eating #food #anorexia #bulimia #skinny #ed #fat #ednos

Sep 2014

MBishop

These Numbers

These calories have made their way into my dreams
A place where I used to feel comfortable
Like anything could happen and I was, for the most part, optimistic
They've infected my subconscious and now
I'm not allowed to have that imaginary meal for fear
It may put on some imaginary weight.

I used to say you were the only thing that consumed my sleep
But I'd be lying if I say that this isn't an increasing occurrence, these numbers
These numbers, always in the forefront of my mind
Never leaving me alone for a moment to think
With infected sleep, there's no safe place for me
No place to run from these numbers, these *calories

#love #suicide #depression #death #ana #anorexia #ed #eatingdisorders

Alexis A Sep 2014

Look at Me

Look at me
I'm just a shadow
Of what I once was

I used to be a girl
With bright eyes
And a wide smile
But now, just look at me

I used to braid my hair, and wear no makeup
And wear jewelry and pink
And skip, rather than walk
But now, just look at me

I used to laugh and dance
And sometimes even sing
I would talk to everyone
But now, just look at me

I cry myself to sleep
Almost every single night
My eyes have dulled my smile faded
Are you seeing me yet?

My clothes are black, just like my eyeliner
My hair is in my face
No spunky earrings anymore
Are you seeing me yet?

I lie, and bury my head
Hardly ever part my lips
I haven't danced in years
Are you seeing me yet?

Sometimes I wonder if anyone truly sees me. I fake a smile wherever I go, just to hide the pain. I ask you this, can you see behind the disguises of people, or do you just see what they want you to?

#sad #girl #dance #alone #cry #happy #shadow #black #laugh #skip

Alexis A Sep 2014

Words Carved into Me

The word ***** is engraved into my hip
done by a blade, on yet another hopeless night
The word fat is carved onto my thigh
screaming out the pain I felt
My name is sketched between my legs
written in blood, in remembrance of a girl no more

Alexis A Sep 2014

Emptiness

Emptiness
That's all I feel
I'm numb to you
I watch people die
I watch people live
And me
I'm somewhere in between
I'm breathing
But not quite living
I'm empty,
An emotionless pit
But I'm not yet dead
All I am
Is an empty skeleton
of what was once a young
happy naive girl
Who's now just empty...