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Teach me to be strong, my mind is weak
Swinging moods like walking feet
Sometimes I feel broken
Sometimes I feel whole
Sometimes I, honestly, just don't know
Why push me away?
I need you now
Why be afraid?
I've never dogged you out
Why judge me?
You are not my creator
All I'm asking for is a little savior
So funny how you love someone
&
In an effort to let them go
You latch onto someone else

My Muffin...

Crazy how people effect your life
It has only been a month &
He is a distant yet present memory

I was in love with a man that I could not be with
So I found myself wrapped up in

My Muffin...

Such a big prize wrapped in a small package

How would you feel if you held it in your hands &
Then were told you couldn't have it?

Its Tragic!

I refused to cry over men long ago
But this one?
It hurt... I still didn't cry
Now it is hard to remember what it was like
The good times
Like my mind completely blocked the memory
I can tell you everything i know about him
But phone calls are faint...
Imagine it from my eyes for a moment

My Muffin....

He is this gem.
I researched it once or twice but never thought of collecting it
You learn more through a familiar source
Then it is in your possession
You hold it delicately at arms length
So precious yet so dangerous, you think
How will you ever handle such a thing?
You eventually build up the courage to
bring it closer to your chest
Then the Jeweler comes & says
"Sorry, they didn't tell you, you were only here to babysit?"
Even after i had polished it
grown attached to it
willing to call it mine
It wasn't even an option the entire time
That is when you learn that not all things that glitter, shine
Poem 8-- Muffin
Completes Collection
You changed my life & you don't even know it...
It is quite unfortunate that you are unsure
What about me makes you shy away?
Have I poisoned your thoughts with insane ideologies?
Have I become attached too fast?
Men never tell you the truth
It is imperative for them to lie
You, my doll, just need to open your eyes
He USED you
He PLAYED you
Who did he think he was?
Come into your life, wreck ****, & then act like he doesn't give a ****!
Miss Kitty has been under the weather...
Should we call the vet?
She hasn't been purring even though she has been wet
It was never your fault
Men are truly selfish creatures
Now all the love you held for them is gone...
I suggest we take a breather
It has been a while since we have truly expressed anger
Sit down, grab a notebook, & jump right in...
Upset
Poem 6-- Muffin
I don't want to be that girl he calls in the middle of the night, although I enjoy the attention.
I don't want to be the girl in her feelings about him talking to other girls when I am not even his.
I don't want to be the girl who gets drunk and blows up his phone because he decided not to answer.
I don't want to be the girl who write poetry about a guy who can't respond to her text messages.
I don't want to be the girl who's heart hurts when she thinks of distancing herself.
I don't want to be the girl who falls so easily in love with the potential & future success she sees in beautiful men.
I don't want this...
This lonely feeling, this sorrow to know that all that potential you love doesn't see the same within you.
Poem  7-- Muffin
***
The good. The bad. The ugly
All happening in the same location
My bed was taken
Preoccupied by sweat
The bed wet
I have a hot box
I'll rock your socks off
But only if I like you
I'll get some head but you gotta be good
Men made me hate ***
Too fast. No pleasure
I don't like to feel rushed
I like it slow, hard, rough
Choke me while you slide it in slow
Do your best to let me know
Own this cat
Not too many can do that
Only 2 have proven that
But I took Miss Kitty back
She straightened up real fast
Now she hasn't had that
Jaw dropping, leggin popping
Ouuu can I have your babies?
Nah, keep that ****** on daddy
I ain't tryna be crazy
Knock out ***
Make sure I walk funky for 2 days
I've had a lot of ***
I've been high from it
Some might call that addiction
But it has to be the right person or its a waste of skill
I want to showcase this pornstar worthy talent
With someone who had magic to share with me
I want to be pretzelized
Push my legs back as far as they will go
Make me feel it in my stomach
Eat my car until tears of pure satisfaction leak from my eyes
***
Sensational ecstasy 10x
It's magical . As it should be.
Poem 7— Self Preservation
Why do I fill my head with these thoughts?
Sometimes I'm afraid I'm too open with people
I don't just let everyone know that nasty side of me but I'm honest
Miss Kitty?
She's Live & well
I talk about beer in 3rd person
Sometimes the thoughts I have are questionable
I can get down right disgusting with the right person
I love my body
My beautifully intricate mind
I love me
But that part of me that wants to be loved
By a soul other than my own
Insists on letting me know
My sins may not be worth forgiveness
Do I deserve to be loved?
Am I cursed to be lonely?
Will my self love be enough?
Poem 6— Self Preservation
Have you ever vibed so comfortably that you ached to be in their presence?
I hung out with ***** after *****
Man after man
Boy after boy
Just to see if I could move on from a man who treated me differently
Spiritually I was broken
I'm never going to say I'm Anti- ***** but I was sure feeling a way
Then he showed up & boy is he showing out
Who told you to come into my life & be amazing?
I look at him & that's all I see
Such a positive soul
Who I don't think is completely open with me
He hasn't lied but he hasn't let me in
It's like looking into a house through giant glass windows
I see you but I need to know you
I want to know all of him
I try to be honest with myself & I try not to get my hopes up
I know about me & disappointment
We don't work well
My brain spins with this every day
But when he is in my face
I just need him to touch me
Fill my soul with the light of his vibe
& maybe, also **** me
I need that personal intimacy
I sometimes yearned to be wanted
That's the submissive side of me..
That freaky, scary, hidden side
That side of me that wants a fairy tale
I wish to be wanted. Cherished. Loved.
Pin me against the wall & **** me like a stranger but let's get dinner after & maybe watch some soaps
I am also a realist
My soul is so old
My years will never catch up
So I spend my time trapped trying to play catch up
I'm learning to manage money better
I have goals to move
I want to eat better. Look better. Feel better
I want to be better for myself
But now that I've caught this frequency
I think I like it a bit too much
But I am going to ride it as long as I can
Little NIK, you carchbheart eyes so fast but is this different?
I understand the love of a challenge but be honest with me
Everything sends a vibration
From the rough scratch of his working hands on my thighs
Our tilted kisses so we don't bump noses
My lips covering his... as full as they are
The feel of his healthy beard which always smells nice
Especially when coming from between my legs
I like how he can call me every day
come lay with no ****** intent
It's all new to me
I feel kind of drunk
Anyone who knows me knows how I love my alcohol
I'm not trying to be too drunk to see.. this is a different kind of personal intimacy...
Poem 5— Muffin
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