How do I tell if
You’re only a dream
Or my reality

Not by the ecstasy
Of coexistence
Simply standing next to you
Moments at a time
Yet,
Each second a lifetime of joy
So short lived, mere sparks
In my dreamless night
Yet, each of them
Brighter than a thousand suns
Bringing everlasting warmth
To the starless depth
Of my soul

But, by the intensity of my pain
When your flame suddenly
Extinguished within me
Within my reach

At that very moment
And forever after
There was
A hush
The silence of deafening screams
At war with one another
That annihilate my reverie
Of living

For you have taken with you
All of me
My words, my breath, my being
Ever stretched between a world
I struggle to remain within
And the senseless
Abyss

I feel every pinch
Every twinge
Every insufferable pull
Yet, I plead not for numbness

I savor this
Savor the intensity
Of this unbearable
Suffocating pain
Of longing

For, only then
I know
You are my reality
You can never be just a dream
With such profound
Suffering

Sometimes
When I walk on empty streets
I can feel your footsteps
Wavering, hesitant
Perhaps wondering
Where I was
As I look for you too
In the past, in the invisible
In your absence.

There is a ghost in your voice
Haunting me through the silence



Through every droplet of memory
Dotting my otherwise starless night

I tried to gather them
With my words, my fear, my soul
And yet they remain forever bond
To a place I cannot reach
A being I cannot see
And a love I can never hear

Your flowering existence sheds invisible petals
I seem to be able to find
Yet, I'm ever uncertain
All these pieces of your soul
Did you left them for me to find
A breadcrumb trail leading only
To a chance in the future
To an uncertain promise
Or did I just stole the traces
Of your existence you left for the universe
Claiming them as something I could own

Should I keep them or scatter them

Or are they even yours
Could it be that they are the pieces of my soul
Still clinging on to you
That you're finally shedding away
To be complete on your own

What could I do
Standing in pieces
Holding someone's soul
That may or may not be my own
If they weren't
I'd still be missing all the chunks I've given to you
If they were
I'd still be empty
Because
I'm forever hollow without you

I have read every single letter
Of your words silent and unwritten
To have understood regretfully
Your incomprehensible
Indifference.

Still I will ponder forever
Hesitantly
Your definite answer
Of immediate
Impermanence.

Why must I swim like an empty vessel,
A lost boat among your vast ocean love,
When I can be your Lighthouse,
Unnoticed, insignificant
But forever caressing you and
Watching over you from afar.

What if I am merely the pleasant little dabs of color on your palette before you paint your true masterpiece.

I don't want to be your sun
I want to be the moon
Pale, faint,
You might not even notice me sometimes
But when you need me the most
When you are lost
I will be there
Having never left.

I used to see you every day
But I never knew your name
I always feared that one day you would get away
And nothing would ever be the same
Till I stumbled upon your name
In that receipt you stuck in my hand
Now at least I have your name
Even though you got away
I still write you love letters every day
Even if they are never read
They would still be yours to keep
Because all my love for you
Could write a long long book
And on the cover of it
Written in my heart and soul
Would be your name

I would love to ride into the past and never return, so I can forever be in your present.

The curvature of your smile
Is a scythe or a dagger to my heart
When it's straight
It stabs me with fierce and merciless
Fear and sorrow
When it's a summer night's crescent
Moon
It still wounds me with
A hollowing absence
Of its breathtakingly
short reign.

Still
I embrace it
I rush right in
And let your scythe pierce
My soul again and again
Because without it
Without your smile
I'd be numb
I'd be empty
And brimming
With nothing
But pain.

Give your silence to me
           Let me exchange them for
                            The most honest words:
                            
My unyielding love for you to keep
                            Safe and eternally

If you were never silent
          I'd never have searched your soul
                           And loved you so profoundly.

I write love letters to you
Not because I want you to respond
Not because I want you to love me back
But because I want you to know that
Not matter what,
I will always love you,
and I am yours
Yours Truly.

There is a gust of silence
            Outside my window
                Calling my name
                Wondering how much
                .               I'm missing you.

The wild grass lives only for your sight

For your unreserved love and care

For the shadows in your every step

For the light in the black of your eyes


The ripples in the lake live only for your dreams

Your life tumultuous and bare

For the wrinkles in your soul

And the weariness in your countenance


The old dog at the old place live only for your loneliness

For your tears

For your cry in the silence

As it licks away the bitterness in your existence


Yet, you love not them-

They are always there,

Simple, undecorated,

Pebbles to the gold-

But wilder, greater aspirations


With the mountains in your eyes,

You won’t see the dandelions

Will they still be there

Without your sunshine, earth and rain

That showed me my place

And taught me what it is to be alive


With the waves in your eyes

You won’t see the ripples of a single stone

Will they still be there

The seedlings growing within

The fish swimming in between

That showed me I was not empty

As you lit up the world within me


With every being in your eyes

You won’t see the old dog howling in pain

Will it still be there

The life within its loyal eyes

The laughter running free and wild

The shelter, The love, and every breath

That showed me my purpose of being

As you led me down the path I’d never stray


You will not know

You will not see


Yet, I’m certain

When you return

Danced your dance

And weary of pleasing those that will love you

Your beauty, timely, sparingly, and conditionally


They will still be there

Waiting for your return


For, even when you were chasing everything

Because you thought that they had nothing

You were, are, and will always be

Their everything.