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Nov 2018
My every thought had a life

My every thought was a living soul

Whose very birth and death begin and end

With the existence of you


I have never truly felt such joy

Rippling through every atom within me

Each blooming into a sea of wildflowers

A sea of every living thing

Playful, wild and free

Until I've met your eyes

Until I've met your smile


When you rushed into my presence

I've not just suddenly seen the light

But felt its wrath

Felt its everlasting warmth

Felt its very presence

Merely standing distances away from

You

Letting it consume me

Letting it wrap its invisible arms around me

Seep through my being

And transform me into a

Vessel carrying only love and fear


I've been asking questions all my life

Asking to be accepted

Asking to be fearless

Asking to be loved

And thought I needed answers


Yet the moment I saw you

And every moment when you were

Within my sight

I've readily forgot how to fear

How not to let happiness through

I've even forgot my own existence

Let alone its troubles and tears


And then, came the darkness:

What you have brought with

Your presence

You've taken them with you with

Your absence

And as you turned your back and

Walked away

The joy followed you

Then the light

Then my very dream of sleepless nights

My very dream of living

Until only the dreamless, the starless

Were left

To tear me away from my own soul

To break apart my every living particle

And along with the unbearable and breathless

Pain of its tearing, hurl each of them

One by one, into the abyss

Of loveless silence

And pointless existence


I've savored the twinge of its tearing

Endure the pain of its death

And rejoiced at this everlasting suffering

Knowing my love for you is true and endless


In the end, may it never end,

If I were to never love you

I'd only wish upon you

The heat and wrath of this joy

You've once gifted to me

And never, for a moment

Feel this pain, and suffering of your

Absence

Even, if I'd have to endure them

Eternally

For you
(May 21, 2019:
Found this poems:
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/2806601/vessel-of-love-and-fear-carrying-your-pain/
Reposted on Wattpad:
https://www.wattpad.com/652068712-if-i-weren%27t-crazy-i%27d-be-insane-✔️-23-vessel-of
Without credit.
The poem was written by me, Yidhna, on October 5, 2018, but was not posted on HP until November; meanwhile, the Wattpad dates the whole book to October 19, 2018. I have, fortunately, emailed myself the poem on the day it was written.


October 5, 2018
I am so grateful to have my poem "Help me love my humility chosen as a Daily. And thank you so much for all your kind comments!!!

I wrote this not long after I announced that I'd be staying off HP for a while and I am not really back yet.

This was one of two poems I wrote before I became completely silent in words again.
To even think about poetry became stressful for me recently. So unfirtunately I havent been on this site to read all your wonderful writes!

The Constant Battle

By: Yidhna

Every little detail feels so grand and insurmountable

Every greatness seems so unreachable yet trivial in the face of immediate threats and envy

Like the match that’s jealous of the campfire while the moon shines coldly and so distantly

Every moment of happiness and sorrow feels as if they are at the edge of a fall of complete loss

Every moment of stillness feels so numb and dull

Every step I take is a great journey of only weariness and aches

Every great journey cannot hold my attention away from the littlest distraction

My simple words feels so undecorated

And

My more flourished pieces seem so convoluted

I seem to be an individual that’s too different

Yet

Not original enough

And

These are the constant battles in my mind

Waiting for your presence

The call for ceasefire
Yue Wang Yidhna
Written by
Yue Wang Yidhna  26/Toronto
(26/Toronto)   
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