Smile for the you that exists
Smile for the you that smiles
Smile for the life that you live
Smile for the warmth that you share
Smile for your heart
Smile
There isn't a smile that matters if it isn't yours
Your happiness matters
Your wholeness matters
Smile
No one can take that away from you

I want to scream it out
The words that push and scrape at
The insides of my skin and heart
Let us out
But I shouldn't
I can't
They probably already look down on me
I shouldn't let their thoughts put me down
I can't
Let me out
I can't...

A choice is a capability
A small part of a person's
Best efforts to continue to survive
I can't But I can I won't be able to handle it
They don't share my thoughts and feelings

She holds my face between her hands
Tears threatening to fall
"I can't"
"I know" she whispers to my closed eyes
Stroking my cheekbones
Her hands' warmth stark against the
Cold darkness that surrounded us

Words fly on the whims
Of the tongue that speaks them
Like the flow of the wind that
Sways air to and fro
The air itself not as harmful as the
Wind that guides it and yet
The combination is the what carries
The perpetrators' knife through its victim

And there is no fault to the air
For the air did not create itself
And there is no fault to the winds
For the winds did not create itself
And their is no fault at all
Merely cause and effect;
The heart feels as it does
And morals sway with the wind.

The wind sweeps away all
Sweeps away sadness
Sweeps away pain
Leaves traces remnant in its wake
Cools over surfaces and skin
Cleanses

Where what once simply was
Becomes unreachable unless by
Force
Come here, my love
The wind has left its trail
A trail I cannot fathom
And so I let the wind cleanse
Cleanse
Soak through the layers of my heart
And leave a trail of remembrance
And nostalgia...

Bitter is the trail no more,
Just what once was
And what can no longer be

Body submerged
Black ink swirls into clear water
For every inhale
The world recedes slowly
A price paid
Purchased unknowingly
Used unthinkingly
Moments of awareness
Feel unaware
Movements sluggish
I'm tired
More than not wanting to live
More so not knowing what living means
What living feels like
The air that I inhaled
Feels unsatisfying
The need for more becomes
A question of worth

On my bed of rocks I lay
Under a roof
Surrounded by walls
I've made myself comfortable
In where I lay
Under covers that warm my body
I live
I breathe
I feel safe
I don't

Awake at night
Under the cover of night
In the warmth of my blankets
And whether I wish to see the moon
"What for?"
It's difficult to leave the warmth
Of the blankets that night after night
Provide me with what my body needs
With what my soul needs
And what it doesn't need

Surrounded by the silent static of my room
Encased in residual superpositioning noise
Wasting away in the lull of audio that is
Always there,
Draining away,
******* at your will to reach forward
Slowing you down...
The silence that I need at night
The comfort of it as it guides me to sleep
Intoxicating

I close my eyes to sleep
In the
Safety of my home
In
My bed
Under a roof
Surrounded by walls
I think to smile
But it doesn't feel pleasurable
Just painful

That fire
I built it
I built it and I didn't even
Know
This ice palace I
Built it and
I didn't even realise
This tar that's draining me
It's me
It's all me

My heart's deepest core
Isn't empty
Like I thought it was
It was frozen
Now that it's thawing
It's starting to hurt again
Like it did five or
Six years ago
It's not empty but
Like frostbite my heart is
Trying to regain its proper self
Animalistic
Live
Call me by your vein
Your blood
Let it run unimpeded
Your heart needs to thaw
Before it can begin to
Thrive again