The wind sweeps away all
Sweeps away sadness
Sweeps away pain
Leaves traces remnant in its wake
Cools over surfaces and skin
Cleanses

Where what once simply was
Becomes unreachable unless by
Force
Come here, my love
The wind has left its trail
A trail I cannot fathom
And so I let the wind cleanse
Cleanse
Soak through the layers of my heart
And leave a trail of remembrance
And nostalgia...

Bitter is the trail no more,
Just what once was
And what can no longer be

Body submerged
Black ink swirls into clear water
For every inhale
The world recedes slowly
A price paid
Purchased unknowingly
Used unthinkingly
Moments of awareness
Feel unaware
Movements sluggish
I'm tired
More than not wanting to live
More so not knowing what living means
What living feels like
The air that I inhaled
Feels unsatisfying
The need for more becomes
A question of worth

On my bed of rocks I lay
Under a roof
Surrounded by walls
I've made myself comfortable
In where I lay
Under covers that warm my body
I live
I breathe
I feel safe
I don't

Awake at night
Under the cover of night
In the warmth of my blankets
And whether I wish to see the moon
"What for?"
It's difficult to leave the warmth
Of the blankets that night after night
Provide me with what my body needs
With what my soul needs
And what it doesn't need

Surrounded by the silent static of my room
Encased in residual superpositioning noise
Wasting away in the lull of audio that is
Always there,
Draining away,
******* at your will to reach forward
Slowing you down...
The silence that I need at night
The comfort of it as it guides me to sleep
Intoxicating

I close my eyes to sleep
In the
Safety of my home
In
My bed
Under a roof
Surrounded by walls
I think to smile
But it doesn't feel pleasurable
Just painful

That fire
I built it
I built it and I didn't even
Know
This ice palace I
Built it and
I didn't even realise
This tar that's draining me
It's me
It's all me

My heart's deepest core
Isn't empty
Like I thought it was
It was frozen
Now that it's thawing
It's starting to hurt again
Like it did five or
Six years ago
It's not empty but
Like frostbite my heart is
Trying to regain its proper self
Animalistic
Live
Call me by your vein
Your blood
Let it run unimpeded
Your heart needs to thaw
Before it can begin to
Thrive again

How do you come to accept
What you thought was the sun
Was really just a distant flame?
The warmth you felt
The light you saw
Wasn't real
Had you even felt warmth to begin with?
Seen light to come to such a conclusion?

I'd always used to prance in that light
Waltz and lay in its warmth
But when I realised it wasn't what I wanted
It wouldn't satisfy me like it used to

What is it like to stand in the sun's rays?
Have it pierce the deepest core of your heart?
Would the world around you need to change?
Or would you need to be out of it...

Floating, sinking
Reaching, receding
Closing my eyes
Wishing for
The warmth of the Sun
To reach the depths of my heart and
Emit a glow from within

"If you weren't, you wouldn't be
Our friend."
Blinking
Friend
Silence...
I don't have a response
And maybe that was said
For the lack of a better statement
But I'm not sure if
That sits well with me.

Life is an acquaintance
And everyone lives their own
Truths.
Whether living in isolation or
Going about life
I rarely see you anyways
Barely know you anyways;
That is my truth.

And even if I knew you,
As long as I continue to live
In this ice palace
In this intemperate tar
You're either too far
Or displaced.
I find it hard to feel if
There is an in-between.

And if I still can't seem to
Feel an in-between,
Still feel a hollowness in my
Heart's core
What then?

Touch and wither
Your presence bitter
Nothing said yet
Nothing spoken changed.

Beauty once loved
Beauty now tainted
Warmth once thoughtless
Warmth now questionable.

Life is given
Life isn't free
Existence is given
Will isn't free