To keep myself away from harm,
To protect myself from pain,
To push away confusion,
To keep myself sane,
I lie to myself,
Creating false hope.

I look into a mirage,
Not being able to cope
No it's okay, Don't Worry!
Attempting to take myself for a dope.

But it doesn't work,
I know myself too well,
I cover the glass of truth
Forcing myself into hell

But the light shines through the glass,
And penetrates the seal,
Removing the cover,
My body begins to reel.

Stop lying to yourself
Stop lying, please!
Don't hurt yourself anymore
Don't hurt yourself... just cease!
Or I won't be able to carry you anymore,
Carry the burden that you keep
Just uncover the glass,
And look into it deep...

These false hopes that I burden myself with,
They twist and they tease,
They play at possibilities,
Cause me to hope,
But when it does not come true
What shall I feel
Oh soul of mine...

And like a drop of blood...
sliding down your finger.
A pin ***** that formed
Red stains that linger,
Dangling,
Slowly gathering,
Growing bigger,

Dropping...

And like a drop of blood,
You formed a part of me.
And like a drop of blood
You swam in memory's sea.
You shook the waters and vibrated
The roots of my heart's aging tree.
As you coursed through my veins
Losing your voice as you whisper your dying plea...

And like a drop of blood
sliding down my finger...
I slowly forget what you meant to me.
And like a drop of blood,
sliding down my finger...
You cause my heart to thud,
As you longingly cling
Before you reach the tip.

A pin ***** that formed,
left one aching for less and more...
A pin ***** that formed
its pain slowly tinkers,
Disappearing as the pain is slowly covered.

Red stains that linger,
Slowly gathering,
Growing bigger,
Til all its remnants removed,

Meet...
Forgotten,
Dropping...
And fall as one together.

What am I really inside?
I claim to understand myself
To know why I cry
Why I laugh
Why I lie
And yet...
And yet
Something doesn't sit right with me
Inside...

Maybe I know myself
Maybe I do
And yet
And yet...
The conflict inside me tells me I'm wrong
That I only know my outside
Just like I know of the people around me.

What do I want?
What do I need?

What do I want...
I cannot read deep into myself
What do I need...
I cannot see what twirls in my inner depths
Why can't I...?
Was I ever really meant to be able to read into my dark and lonely depths?
With a character like mine who wishes to live in the light
Can I really see into my darkness?

Pain
A shackle of inhibition
Thorns of indecision
The indecision of the conflict in one's mind.

Pain
A sword of intemperate ice
Slicing left and right
Asking for naught yet aiming
To be a solace after 101 strokes

Pain
A mere matter of perspective
A sheer term of conditions
A tear to join a million
A comfort or a torture?

When you entrust someone with something,
anything,
personal...
What hurts most is
When they use that part of you to strike you,
As if it hadn't hurt you enough already.

When you tell a person something,
anything,
personal...
Expecting them to understand and
Help you
What hurts most is
When they hear it all and don't understand

When you are confused about something,
anything
personal...
Confused so much that it hurts,
And you feel like you need to tell someone,
What hurts most is
Holding it in

What has the potential to hurt most is what you decide for yourself.

Basically, that's what I've become,
Numb
Emotionally numb,
Making it harder for me to succumb,
To feelings that plagued me in the past.

Yet when I say numb,
I mean sedation through pain
Confusing?
Not at all...
Especially not confusing for the numb