our bread and butter...
     the web of stars,
     the scatter of moons
     and orbiting planets.
the entire universe
harvested and crammed
into the metre,
of a poetic verse.

our bread and butter...
     harnessing the regal rays of the sun.
     inflating the fluff of quiet clouds.
     drinking up the winds of the weather.
     revering the magic in the flight of birds.
we fill our cups to the brim...
with fantastical dreams
and let spill
over parchment
the cornucopia of idealised words.

our bread and butter...
the incessant peeling and picking
on healing wounds.
of which we have learnt to savour...
     let bleed
     the willing blood...
     feed the seeds
     with impending flood.
nurture to fruition
thoughts stunted in discretion.
bring to light
thoughts hidden in the nether.

our bread and butter...
we dip...
the nibs,
of our word worn feathers.
let them sink,
shallow beneath the surface
to the sanctity of a familiar place.
     *casting our trials,
     and tribulations...
     pent up emotions,
     and what we think
     unto paper
     with the burn of
     everlasting ink.

I know when life abandoned me
When dreams and the future slipped away
When the joy and freedom died

I exactly know the time when fear called
When confusion clouded my eyes
When loath lived in my heart

I know when hope and despair united
When tears fell nightly of shame
When love is just another word

The moment when secrets are revealed
The cure of it is nowhere to be found
When I found out of my chronic illness

I buried him somewhere…
When I go to bed at night,
I checked the closet and he’s not there,
I tried under my bed and he’s not there.

Surely he’s dead for I buried him somewhere,
I am a woman now and not a frantic child,
It’s been a long while since I have not visited his grave,
Pray then, why must he appear now?

I tried hard to move on with life,
I persevered to love and accept myself,
I opened my heart to forgive my own,
My being is as wide as the skies.

I found solace in the plateau of my existence,
Why must he visit now?
Truly, I buried him somewhere,
And I swore he’ll never see me again.

He’s there trying to taunt and torture me,
He’s the one who mocks me,
He scoffs me when I search for happiness,
He laughs when I try beating myself.

Nightmares haunt me even at day,
He was the devil himself,
He, a vile and a disgusting man,
Who touched and fondled me in my innocent years.

He violated my freshness to rotten,
And it took me years to pick up the pieces,
Now that I’m almost whole I couldn’t understand,
Why must he resurrect in my dreams?

I am a woman and I still live,
Yet fear still envelopes my being,
I can never forgive and I will never forget,
But surely, I buried him somewhere…

When you first told me you didn’t love me anymore
It was more violent than anything I'd ever imagined
My blood turned to ice
Tears stung my eyes
My heart rate quickened, it felt like someone was gripping my spine
The weight of the words hung heavy in the air between us
I was in disbelief that what you had said was real
That you would tell me you were just joking
That a smile would cross your face and you would remind me of the time you once said you'd never leave
You would remind me of how you meant it
When you first told me you didn’t love me anymore
I felt like a piece of wood at the moment an ex strikes
My whole body tried to tear in two different directions
My stomach was lurching as though I had dove into a bottomless pool
It seemed too twisted to be reality
When you first told me you didn’t love me anymore
Everything within me acted on instinct as though my very survival depended on it
I was so angry, I was so vicious
A wounded animal will tear you to pieces if it's ever cornered
The words spilled out of my mouth like peroxide on an open wound
I felt like I had swallowed poison
But too many words were lodged in my throat, restraining the bitter taste inside of my mouth
When you first told me you didn’t love me anymore
The words put an instant chill on my humiliation
Because I told you I loved you
The words fell into my lap like spilled white wine
Wasted, deteriorated
I have never felt so much remorse in my life
When you first told me you didn't love me anymore
It was more violent than anything I'd ever imagined
Still I am in recovery, I fear I will be for a long time

I am listening to an old cassette tape in the living room
I am all alone... nobody's home.
I want to shout to the world, I want to slap someone, to punch anybody.
My guts are bulging, my nose is flaring.
I could hear my heart beat in my ears.
Lub-dub Lub-dub Lub-dub Lub-dub
My foul mouth is ready to fire a bazooka.
Is this the life I have chosen?
Yes and no, I cannot answer one.
Maybe is my bet.

I want to reach the stars and taste
The flaming fire in my mouth
I want to **** the sun and be done with it.
BOOOOOOM!!
My ****** body is hesitant to do things,
Yet my mind rumbles and grumbles from
The ground to the heavens.
Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrggghhh!!
I am past of my blooming years literally,
Yet here I am so late and blind and coward
To face the changing world.

Yes indeed I am a ******,
And life is slowly ****** me.