“My mask is broken.”
She stares into the mirror, her true face is revealed.

She wears a mask that grins and lies, hiding her cheeks and shading her eyes.
With her heart torn and bleeding, she smiles, hiding her tears and fears.
“Fine. And you?” is her response whenever they ask how she’s doing, before they stopped caring.
With that fake twinkle she has gotten so used to wearing.
She’s says it over and over, repeatedly tucking away her heart.
She doesn’t want to have it broken.
Not again.

“I’m alone and I don’t even care anymore.”
Is what I have convinced myself.

When can I stop pretending?
My world is crumbling around me, while my heart is breaking.
This isn’t happening.
I must be dreaming, they wouldn’t do this to me, right?
“I don’t want them to leave me. I DON’T WANT THIS TO END!”
They betrayed me, they’re the ones that really broke me.
How could they do this to me?
I thought of them as friends, as FAMILY!
What have I done?
What did I do to deserve this?!
NOTHING!
I’ve been the perfect friend, one that followed their every command.
Why do you constantly treat me as a welcome mat, walking all over me.
I didn’t deserve any of this.
I’m getting so tired of pretending and lying, it is not helping anything.
Why doesn't anyone notice?
Notice that I’m crying and dying on the inside.
They wonder why I smile so much, it's because I don’t want you to know what I’m really feeling.
I try to put on a brave face just to stop myself from crying.
The jagged lines across heart remind me everyday that I don’t have friends that care.
The makeup I put under my swollen eyes prove how much I cry myself to sleep.

“I'm suffering.”
You say, in your head, over and over.

Why did they do this to you?
You try to hold your tongue.
Hiding what you have become, but it’s getting harder and harder.
The smile that people think is so bright and full of life, is holding the darkest secrets.
The mask you built up is slowly breaking away with every comment directed your way.
Why do you have to pretend to be happy so they accept you?
They said they were your friends, but they didn’t even notice you breaking.
Your heart shattering.  
“Oh, I’m sorry. Did my back hurt your knife?”
You’ve been impaled with their knives left and right.
You try to pretend that it doesn’t bother you, but that's only adding onto the countless lies.
The day they said those words, shattered the last piece of your heart.
You needed to become stronger to hide your weaknesses.
How’s that possible if they won’t stop with the names?
Your “friends” don’t even stand up for you like they used to.

“They lied to me!”
She screams to herself.

They promised!
That they would be there for her.
THAT THEY WOULDN’T HURT HER!
How could she not see through such an obvious lie?
She’s so stupid!
Her silence is her most powerful scream.
No matter how many people she tries to surround herself with, fooling them with her smile and bubbly attitude, at the end of the day she’s still alone.
Do they have any idea how worthless they made her feel?
She smiles, but she wants to cry.
She talks, but she wants to be quiet.
She pretends that she’s happy, but she’s not.
She’s used to being left behind.
She’s used to being the second choice.
She’s used to it.
And she’s sick of it.
They have no idea how worthless they made her feel.

“I’m tired of smiling.”
Is what I refuse to say.

I’m trying my ******* BEST, but I can’t breathe anymore like every second I’m alive I feel like I’m drowning.
I never believed people when they said how much it hurts to get stabbed in the back.
Until, it was me.
Lying on my bedroom floor,
Mascara running down my face,
Gasping for air, crying.
How, after all you put me through, am I still able to hold my tears back?
You promised!
That you would be there for me.
THAT YOU WOULDN’T HURT ME!
How could I not see through such an obvious lie?
I'm so stupid!

“Why must I suffer from this pain?”
Is your constant question, that remains unanswered.

No.
Don’t cry, not in front of them, please just fight back the tears.
Please, just don’t let them see you cry.
They don’t know what it’s like.
How difficult it is to get out of bed and act happy for the day when all you want to do is breakdown in tears.
You’re afraid because you know you can’t fight forever.
Maybe you’re just not meant to live a happy life.
Maybe pain is all you’ll ever know.
You’re so broken.
Mentally and emotionally.
Literally and metaphorically.
This is so much more than being sad now.
This is affecting your whole body.  
What happened?

“Why is it so cold?”
“Why is it so dark?”
“Where am I?”

“Why can’t I open my eyes?”
“Why is it so silent?”
“Where am I?”

“Hello, is there anyone out there?”
“What is that bright shining light?”
“Where am I?”

“Why is it suddenly so warm?”
“Why is it suddenly so bright?”
“Where am I?”

“Why can’t I open my eyes?”
“Why is there singing?”
“Where am I?”

“Hello, is there anyone out there?”
“Oh, wait, now I remember.”
“I’m dead.”