Where have I been?
Why have NOT I been here?
It's a reason,
an answer,
not simple or clear
Pause and stop for a moment
and try to explain
as I drift off into
the expanse of my brain
Sort of been in a lull
Kind of stuck in a rut
No ambition; desire
Don't want to do much
I’ve been lacking consistency;
without consensus
Once driven and disciplined
Vanished; off they went
Some time I’ve chased after
without much success
If by chance I recaptured;
escaped and they left
Once entrenched qualities;
have transformed into bubbles
Their memories -
a dream
As my life turns to rubble
A child I am
chasing frantically after
while further each drifts
out of reach
as they scatter
Ask,
"Where have I been?"
More like,
"Where am I now?"
‘Cause I live in a world
with a hovering shroud
No persistence of rain
More an absence of sun
There's no presence of pain
But is vacant of fun
Putting paper with pen
Situation is clear
Like a therapy session
Pull curtain;
I peer
Psychotherapy works
Hidden things can appear
Driven crazy;
berserk,
like a ship you can't steer
A continuous game,
one that can not be won
Somewhat hard to explain
Like a program that's run
Piece of clothing that's stained
Been there since time begun
And no way to contain
The past can't be undone
Pulling at it you tear
to remove all the faults
but you never get near;
locked away in the vault
Bang away at the door
Combination is lost
Feel despondent,
defeated,
and just at a loss
Where you give up all hope
There’s no way you can win
Sinking down to the bottom
It ends and begins…
-
-
-
Here alone in the darkness,
at first, you’re afraid
and wallow in pity
this “mess” you have made
While confined in a box
It’s a self-given coffin;
recluse who’s closed off
Made a space can’t get lost in
You wither and rot
in this counterfeit grave
Also, time to reflect
on the choices you’ve made
Loneliness not a friend;
Solitude can be one
Introspective -
a teacher
A valuable one
Near impossible to
fix what can not be seen
Not the visible lines
but what’s hidden between
Archaeologist digging
deep down in the dirt
Resurrecting the fossils
of buried down hurt
Everyone has a closet
with skeletons in
They are not all the same
in their size or within
But ignoring and locking away never works
You must get your hands *****
and dig in the dirt
Facing demons or sitting in darkness for most
conjures feelings of horror
like seeing a ghost
Though denial feels warm
like it might be a friend
Just like 'Brute',
it stabs in the back in the end
So, if life’s got you down
then it’s time to get up
I’m not saying it’s easy
Dig down and get tough
It is known that the night’s
darkest right before dawn
In the moment you’re weakest
you’ll soon become strong
Like a pendulum swing
or the changing of seasons
When pushed to extreme
then it just goes to reason
A rebounding force
very soon will attack
And all battle ground lost;
rightfully taken back
When you’ve given up hope;
just about to give in
At the end of your rope
Feel it’s time to say “when”
Meditate into silence;
cut everything out
Hear that voice from inside
with a WARRIOR shout!
If you listen
the universe will direct you
It has knowledge
and one
most important of clues
Like the phase of the moon
or the flow of the tides
there’s a cyclical pattern
all things must abide
When the mountain top’s reached,
one can only go down
You can swim at the beach
or give up
and then drown
Everything ebbs and flows
It’s the nature of all
So remember this lesson
when you’re feeling small
When that final point’s reached,
only one way to go
Now get back on your feet!
With this knowledge
you know
You will be hurt no more
‘cause that time’s "come and gone"
In the darkness no more
Now it’s time for the dawn!
Written: October 11, 2019 (started) & December 31, 2019 (finished)
All rights reserved.
[Anapestic Tetrameter Format]
For those who may know me or may otherwise be curious or concerned:
I know I have been a little M.I.A. from here recently. I have been busy (and tired) with daily life duties and responsibilities. Just as this poem points out the cyclical nature of things, the "tide of life" has called me away recently and distracted me elsewhere. I hope to change that very soon. I very much miss reading the wonderful poetry that is displayed on this website daily by so many talented people. I also miss interacting with the HePo community and the numerous friends I have made here. I thank those who have taken the time to read my poetry and possibly, 'liked, 'loved', or commented. I apologize if I haven't specifically acknowledged anyone's comments or gestures. I want to get to each and every one of you (and I intend to) but in the meantime I wanted to give a blanket "thank you" to all of you. I hope everyone enjoyed the holidays and here's looking to a joyful and prosperous '2020!
=^)