I imagine well
in multiverse tribes you'd be,
always existing
next to next
with others
in the easy shine you give;
all your moments gilding a live.

I pick up details.
all the details.
or as many details as possible
in the available time frame

but I can’t make connections between things.
A does not connect to B for me.
I can't zoom out and drag and drop a
line of relation from A to B.

instead I have to drag it myself.
Over kilometers of terrain and time and effort.
Most people use a cart.
But not me.
No, I don’t have a cart.
Every attempt bites away more time and effort
in getting the relationship of A to B.
It’s hard and exhausting
and I don’t have many shortcuts for this.
It’s hills and mountains for me.

Sometimes I can zoom out.
But’s it not an easy in-between zoom, like on google maps where you can see where you are on a street.
Or even which neighborhood you’re in.
If the details are the trees and the big picture is forest then,
I go from crunching on pine needles,
to a view above the clouds.

But it’s not a satellite image.
I can’t see the tall green things clustered together
that would make me think “forest”.
I just see a solid, light green polygon. It’s green so I know
it’s something to do with nature.
But I don’t know for sure.
It could be grass.
It could be a jungle, which is really close to a forest, but not quite,
and I don’t know the exact criteria
distinguishing one from the other.
No details for me here.

I know the basic shape and what it might be,
but I’m not sure of the specifics that make up this green place.
It’s to do with nature.
That’s all I got,
so that’s what I go on.

What I learned in school,
is what being damaged to does to you.
It teaches you struggle is a bad word
and that success is effortless
if you’re not perfect right away
you’re not right
at all
your words only have value
according to the rubric
your cries of pain are only noteworthy
when the wound blisters scarlet red
and sticks and stones are as harmless
as the air used to launch them,
never mind that they broke your spirit well before your bones
they’re just kids.

I was a kid too.
Yet you locked me behind
an iron desk for first an hour, then two,
because despite how desperately I pleaded,
you assumed that because you cared,
that meant you couldn’t hurt me.
I have no scars on my skin to
show you,
unless you count the words I never wrote
because thinking about this made me choke.

And writing about it made it real.

You don’t get a scar
when your body is convinced it can no longer draw breath,
and you learn to count to four and hold for four
before you ever open up a trig book
to page four.
I have scars because I am here to be healed,
I am here, still.

Trees that fall in forests don't scar,
but the grove where they once stood misses them.

This is how I rode my bike every day after school,
I rode it back home safely as I could.

Because I learned to shoulder my weight in gold
and understand on my own terms
that my gold standard
is the only one worth anything to me.

Little white lies,
how strange you are!
While parents taught the best policy
is honesty,
impoliteness dies
on our lips to save
others from the grave,
sent there by embarrassment
and save ourselves the harassment.

Little white lies,
how convenient you are!
You have the gratitude eternal
of zillions of children
who attempt escape
of everything from responsibilities
to punishment
for wrongdoings and indiscretions
they commit by laziness and carelessness
and simple child innocence.

Little white lies,
how true you are! You reflect and reveal
the subject of the shame we feel.
of how far we are to go
to dispel with truth
then only the illusion we show
Because, well, then
even the littlest white lie can grow.

Hello cousin
Do you remember me?
I held you
and played peek-a-boo
then let you walk around the room
grabbing at ham that was placed strategically.
Sticky fingers would reach for stickier handholds
you would balance eating with one hand
and staying upright with the other.
Eyes wide and mouth wider,
as fistful following fistful of your favourite food would fold
and be consumed with delight and achievement.
Your eyes had stars in them.
Dear cousin,
Don’t lose those stars.