I can't erase the past, but I can change the future.I can't make the scars disappear, but I can make them fade.I will pave a new road of memoirs starting today.

If every living thing in the world dies alone
Then let me be dead to you
So we never must be apart.

Muddled thought, I tried to mend.
Unanswered questions, I cannot comprehend.
Poor heart was loaded with burdens;
feels like these took my haven.

I wondered the steps I'm still going to take.
Asked myself if this is for my own sake.
Cried out my vivid feeling;
hope that God was listening.

Filthy desire of freedom wanted to burst out,
before this heart's hope burnt out.
Time came when I wanted to disappear;
my soul was swollen with fear.

Days and weeks passed by;
a part of me was waiting for a lullaby.
I was hoping to filled this emptiness,
There might someone who couldn't careless.

I was trying to cope this feeling alone.
Wanted to go back in my comfort zone.
Eventually this tired heart surrendered.
Longed to God for me to be spurred.

One day, as the breeze touched my skin,
looking at the people whom to me were akin.
And as the sun glint onto my body,
I just suddenly perceived the love of the Almighty.

I presumed that this was the changed,
when I finally decided my struggles to be laid.
This was the reason why my soul was awaken.
He heard my bawl; carried all my burdens.

God brought my feet again on the track,
No worries for I know He got my back.
This tired heart finds rest on His arm,
Assuming this cold spirit will finally be given warm.

I wonder if people who are clinically sane spend the better part of their lives wondering if they're not.

Disoriented poem
                                 True nonsense
               But by definition
Does it have purpose
              Tell me for certain
                                 Is it a worthless fraud
                                       Composed of senses’ shells
                                                         Concealing life without the law
                                                             ­                Law of a motive,
                                             One’s reason and justification
                            Now fragmented with a poem
             But is the poem illustration
Symbolic, emblematic,
             Is their truth in its act
                            Of destruction, any thinking?
                                             Shall it raze the moral ground?
                                                         ­  Or far more quickly
                                                         ­                  Blight us all?
                                                            ­                          All in this state, this
                                                            ­                                               fluster,
                                                        ­                                      This plight,
                                                         ­                     All in this way
                                                             ­  That we’re departing

Often, when I’ve escaped the strain,
The weight, the freight, burdening encumbrance
Of human society, community unleashed,
Profound distress, and a bit on the side—
I’ll contemplate
Of their judgements unknown,
Their penetrating, presumptuous eyes—
They tell me they love me, reputation irrelevant,
Trespasses, failures, habits—all disregarded,
And still I laze in my quaking of
Sleeplessness from apprehension
Pondering their thoughts obscured by their words
Heavens, a shrieking invasion!

Please don’t take that as the slightest indication
That I’m in any case a half-benevolent essence of them all
My ruminations drenched with a display of myself, my actions, my appearance
That’s proof enough that I can’t occupy a moment without me as the focal point
How can anyone be so vain
Low self-esteem shall consume my life, my breath,
And all of those thoughts,
So soon to drain...