I thought
We could be
Something--
When I say something
I mean instead of a "hello" or "hallo"
Maybe a good morning kiss.
Or twine your bilingual tongue
To mine and make sense of all the hidden
Messages and vowels in our
Passion.
Maybe we could
Link hands on long walks
Or swim in each other's eyes
With knowing, glowing
Gazes.
I just thought we could be
Everything happy for a little while
And everything that makes smiles
As easy as learning how to say
"I love you" in our two languages--
I know you already know, but I don't know how to say it yet
I just wanted to know an "I love you"
Which isn't foreign in any language.
I just thought we could be
Together.

But I guess not.

I noticed how short your nails were
and that you tried to brush out the cow licks in your hair
and I noticed how you grind your teeth when you dream
and how you would jump at the slightest sound
and I noticed that your favorite colors were blue and black and green.

but you only noticed how pink my lips were
and you only noticed how soft my knees were
and you only noticed how I would give you anything if you didn't ask
and you only noticed what you wanted to know and not what you wanted to wonder

but i wonder if you felt the scars on my thighs as you slid your hand passed them
and i wonder if you heard the nervous chuckles when i came up for air
and i wonder if you remember that my eyes are blue and green and my heart is black and i wanted to be your favorite because parts of me are broken and i wanted you to wonder why.

the empty bottles under your bed prove how many times i was never there for you
and how you needed me instead of a handle of peppermint *****
but I wish you would've told me you bought a bottle from your boyfriend because if you had I would've been able to keep you from puking the feelings you've pushed to the darkest parts of your body,
but you thought it would help to think of Christmas but those red satin ribbons are supposed to be tied around presents
not draped across your wrists
and I'm so sorry that you couldn't feel it when I said I loved you because
****,
i do i do i do.

701

A Thought went up my mind today—
That I have had before—
But did not finish—some way back—
I could not fix the Year—

Nor where it went—nor why it came
The second time to me—
Nor definitely, what it was—
Have I the Art to say—

But somewhere—in my Soul—I know—
I’ve met the Thing before—
It just reminded me—’twas all—
And came my way no more—

I love your eyes.
I love your long stories
And your husky laugh

Please, tell me you're here to stay this time
            You are the only one I need to believe

Please, tell me I'm still somewhere inside
            You are the only one I might believe

Please, tell me you'll always have faith in me
            You are the only one I've ever believed

Please, tell me once again that you love me
            *You are the only one I want to believe