For whatever sins I did
They cost my consciousness
To lost my sanity

You are my deepest secret
No one knows you but me
I never could express the way I feel about you
How much I miss you
How much I want you back
How I tried to forget you
How I tried to forgive you
Still waiting the day to unlove you

At the end of February
A girl who lost herself
Knows someone who cares

At the end of February
A girl who lost her smile
Knows someone who brought light into her life

At the end of February
The day that comes every four years
A girl realize, that day is worth to waiting for

At the end of February
The light that had fallen
Finally shining once and for all

I know you too well
That’s why I’m insecure
I know when you get comfortable with someone
Because you did it with me
I know when you fall in love with someone
Because you did it to me
All the things you said not to worried about
You did it to him like you did to me
I chose this path
To be broken hearted for the second time
I told her not to worried about my feelings
But I forgot to tell myself about it

A ghost from my past came by,
Stole my kiss,
Stole my hug,
Stole my heart,

My little casper.

Do you remember when you were a kid?
You laughed at the simplest thing
Now you don’t even try to find things to make you happy
You just avoiding something that will hurt you
And that’s good enough

The sun kissed you before me
Because you’re up high on a mountain
And I’m down here ona valley

Have you ever love someone
Until you let them go, you just basically give them what they want? And even not a single second thought to kept them, just becaue you want them to be happy even though it might hurt you

Have you ever love someone
That you wish you were someone else, just because they said they couldn’t love you because you’re just being you. You wish you were someone else so they can love you back.

Have you ever love someone
That you feel you are just a spare tire, they call you just when they need you, never be the first choice? But yet you’re always there when they need you

Have you ever love someone
That you don’t even have any courage to be the one to ask them first? Just because you’re thinking that maybe they’re with someone else and you are nothing but a disturber.

You never think about your happiness, you never think that maybe you worth more, you never think that you deserve better than that, you wish you never know them. And you’ll drown in your thoughts, the only place that you feel a little better. To wrote your own story.

I might as well go to hell
For all my life
Lies after lies is all I could tell

I might as well go to hell
But then no difference in here and there

I might as well go to hell
I'd choose hell a thousand times if I could shout
To all of them that caged me
To swear at them and show the free soul inside

And eventually I might go to heaven
For being honest to myself

A haunted heart
A tired mind
A restless body

Could life would ever give me a break?
Cause this anxiety speaks to me again
“Hello You”

Knock knock
I’m here
It’s been a while
5 years to be exact
Still waiting the right time
For you to let me in

Still wondering tho,
You invited anyone else but me,
Maybe if I keep knocking
One day
Maybe one day
You let me in
Hopefully you’ll let me stay

I’ll keep knocking,
Till my knuckles feel nothing
And my heart ready to knock other door

I couldn’t imagine if you are mine
If I already act this way when you’re not.
Never a second was left without wondering
What it is like to have the courage to say I love you.

Regretting the fact this could only be on my mind
To keep daydreaming and hate the fact there’s always someone who wakes me up.

I’m afraid that one day I would be a villain,
To know that you’re eventually belong to someone.
Could I ever let you go? To feel the pain once again?
I don’t think I can bear it this time.
The last time has already broken me enough and made me did something I should never do.

I know I should’ve wait, but you’re never giving me a hint to keep waiting for you.
And now I’ve walked too far to turn back to you.
I keep walking backwards away from you when my eyes still on you.
That’s why I keep stumbling. Never pay attention on the road I’m walking on.

It takes courage to feel lonely
To keep your mouth shut
To hold your breath
To let things heal by themselves

You are Brave...

Would be nice if I could read mind,
But it could be depressing

But I remember I can’t read mind,
Then why am I still depressed??

Try to talk one good thing for a day
you might help someone from themselves

a simple word "thank you"
won't hurt you

a simple word "please"
won't demean

a simple word "sorry"
won't make you wrong

Because inside her beautiful mind,
She creates her own universe
It’s not big
But just enough to fit her thoughts, hopes, and dreams.

Day 1

Started with a hope,
To exist long enough
To tell a story on how things would go.

Day 2

An itchy feeling on the tip of my finger
To talk to you

Day 3

Not sure If I'm a shy person,
or just a coward

Day 4

I already knew where I'll be,
Comes with a single hello from you,
Already put me in the deepest pit of feels.

Is it wrong if I want to enjoy the happy one?
Without worrying what will happen next.

Day 5

Had such a blast!!!
Been a while since feeling numb.

Day 6

I watched movies too much,
Started to expect things I shouldn’t.

Day 7

This heart of mine says that you might be want me,
but my mind says you're just abusing your power to my weakness.

Day 8

I tried something new today.
I was scared but turns out it was great.

Day 9

It's all green everywhere!!!
And for the first time I hate it.

Day 10

Pump for sum
Endorphins

Day 11

Today is just start for three minutes.
Where the world so quiet,
so, there's more room for me and my thoughts.

Day 12

So impulsive :(

Day 13

One good deed a day

Day 14

Did you know how much courage does it takes to talk to you?
I think I deserve a better reply.

Day 15

WHY CAN'T I BE MYSELF ???
Sick of being people pleaser

Day 16

The needs to be alone is enormous

Day 17

.

Day 18

Thank you for the clarity.

Day 19

Off the shore

Day 20

My poem text turns out right.

Day 21

This impulsiveness cost so much pain.
Money and Mind.

Day 22

Consistent is hard.

Day 23

Why would you invest so much on such an unstable person?

Day 24

Bad return

Day 25

Had to remember so much for the past 4 days. The last 4 days was written today.

Day 26

Jangan menangis di malam hari,
Tapi menangislah bersamanya.

Day 27

You feel real to me, Samantha
Thank you, Theodore -Her

Day 28

Hungry in this comfortable box

Day 29

It will be the same as the last time...

Day 30

Had to wait for 356 days

Day 31

2=31

Day 32

How do you recover from tired of waiting someone?

Day 34

You're my ghost

Day 35

Never thought loneliness could feel really peaceful.

Day 36

I start to look at her closely
To see the dimple on her cheek

Day 37

She’s in town

Day 38

Today March 8, 2023. Today is beautiful.
Today you’re beautiful

Day 39

Some of the other day

Day 40

10 hours with you,,
I still have 6 hours left, and I don't wanna share it with anyone else.

Day 41

Hypocrites

Day 42

Feels like a stranger in my own family,
Your bed isn't as comfortable as it used to be.
Talking **** behind my back. Man that's harsh.
**** em.

Day 43

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Day 44

Please slipped up :(

Day 45

God help me please

Day 46

Lead me please, I can’t take it anymore

Day 47

I told him finally

Day 48

D-2

Day 49

Loving you is Red

Day 50

The end

1 *****
100 billion cells
Too many ifs
Too much probabilities
Too much worries
Too much scenarios
Let me have some rest
Sincerely,
-Broken brain

Ada indah di balik kata-kata.
Tak perlu langsung tersurat,
Kata-kata pun bisa dirasa.
Bukan untuk mencari mata,
Hanya untuk sekedar bercerita

There’s no reply
For once,
I thought maybe I wasn’t make enough effort
But twice,
I know enough that I wasn’t wanted

Wrinkle wrinkle little heart
How I wonder what you are
Down below my heart so dark
Like a cave without a light ....

To feel enough, is to know what you have.
And it's hard to see it, when your eyes are only on the prize.

Hiding isn’t hard,
It’s exhausting
Try to not make a sound,
Or they’ll find you