We spent at least 15 minutes in the parking lot,
Everyday.
Itching in the grass and making up arguments.
Waiting for my mom to pick me up from your house after school,
Spraying mist out the water hose at each other and into the sky.
Overinvested in card games and extra-murals.
Got locked out of your club penguin account.
I lied to my mom about the pickup time,
So we could play pool a bit longer.
All that nothing might have been everything.
Wait for the bus with me sometime again.

quiet high summer nights
waving off mosquito bites
and lips so dry
the tap tastes like nectar
a glass shared is sweeter, better.
soda like opal in the moonlight
should we order in tonight?
leave the window open. though it's raining
this is our little love remaining

I’m rocking back and forth against the hull of my loneliness,
Stuck in knowing it’s goodbye
But not being able to say I love you
or I’m sorry.
I’m crying with joy and longing as I lie in the love and conversation around me,
Wishing it were mine.
I’ve been high so long my heart rate stopped going down with the sun.
Going over it all all over again all the time.
I feel like a child again, terrified by the the dark, the wind, the eyes of men.
I’m breaking down in the line at the gas station.
Looking out the glass wall at a Lovecraftian highway,
Flickering florescent lights like the ones from The Exorcist.
On my way to a cavernous husk of a family dinner,
Most of them gone now.
Just me, my mother, and my widowed, bereaved, great aunt.
There’s a stupid old cardboard cutout of a mascot next to me grinning too widely, holding up its product.
I scream and tear it’s head off it’s body
In my mind.
I have work on Monday.
This is life.

I smoked a cigarette
I wanted to a break from procrastination
so I walked and tried to coax out my concentration
but alas, to my frustration,
all I got were words that rhymed with 'elation'
but I missed the thing itself.
After hunting in my room
I walked down to the store
to see if my old pack of cigs was there
I could've sworn I just had them
and what do you know?
They were being held hostage behind the counter
but at least were being well-fed
noticeably bigger than when they wondered off
I liberated them with cash
and told the homeless guy outside I had nothing to give him
I smoke one on the way home
And tucked the stub into the cuff of my jeans
and I felt dizzy and a little sick
and my concentration remained shy.
My brain fog now noxious smoke
I tucked the stub into the cuff of my jeans
I hate to litter and I think I'm smart
While I smoked I imagined a million conversations
I won't have
I million bad decisions
I might yet make
And I saw
A million people
I'll never kiss
And I had ash on my pants and on my fingers

Favorite things:

Sandwiches
Reconciliation
Music
Justice
*******
Forerro Rochers
Nice things people have said about me
Drugs
Love
Good long stories
River rocks
Tall trees
Gifts
Art
Deep dreams

Deceivingly simple, we sit down
On our ****** plastic step stools
After school in the kitchen.
You ask me how my day was. I say
Fine thanks, learned about quadratics.
I ask you where you went cycling. You say
Oh, you know, the usual. Round out
That way, and back. The usual.
We sit in silence for amount as I cut a slice of apple and hold it out to you across the room.
You take it, and we sit on our ****** plastic step stools
In the kitchen after school,
Sharing silence and an apple.
And I almost love the crisp, cool crunch
As much as I love you.