I smoked a cigarette
I wanted to a break from procrastination
so I walked and tried to coax out my concentration
but alas, to my frustration,
all I got were words that rhymed with 'elation'
but I missed the thing itself.
After hunting in my room
I walked down to the store
to see if my old pack of cigs was there
I could've sworn I just had them
and what do you know?
They were being held hostage behind the counter
but at least were being well-fed
noticeably bigger than when they wondered off
I liberated them with cash
and told the homeless guy outside I had nothing to give him
I smoke one on the way home
And tucked the stub into the cuff of my jeans
and I felt dizzy and a little sick
and my concentration remained shy.
My brain fog now noxious smoke
I tucked the stub into the cuff of my jeans
I hate to litter and I think I'm smart
While I smoked I imagined a million conversations
I won't have
I million bad decisions
I might yet make
And I saw
A million people
I'll never kiss
And I had ash on my pants and on my fingers

I run amok
gin-struck
I make myself
a fool of myself
a myself of a fool
A stray
hunting for a light
an ashtray
or a fight
Looking for someone
to kiss goodbye
or looking just to end the night
Stalking the floor
head forward eyes mean
looking for more
for a bottle
and a break from being me

I am not really here
It's too hard to care
Living's just habitual and
Breathing's just a ritual
I'm an actor just playing out a script

I'm not depressed, no
I'm just fish who doesn't know
She's been pulled from the water and
I'm not real, no, not nobody's daughter so
When I jump they'll say I slipped

I'll keep falling in Love
With everyone I see
With anyone who's better at being me
Than me
Cause there's just too much to be
If you can't be you

beauty is in the eye of the beholder
yours is in your cold shoulder

This diamond sky
Isn't what put the stars in our eyes

The dawn quiet
Loud enough to drown out the noise