Alone.
It's as if you were a 6 year old's toy,
but now he's 12 and too grown up for you.
But instead of just throwing you away,
his mom thinks of you merely has a memory,
too good to throw away.

Alone.
That's what it's like,
to spend the rest of your toy life underneath a bed,
where the 12 year old,
who's now 16,
will throw all of his trash when he's too lazy to clean.

Alone.
This boy that you gave your life to,
has left.
He grew up and went god knows where.
But no one remembers how you were simply,
left under the bed.

White walls enclose me.
I stare at them intently,
as if they'll do something different.
As if they'll encourage me to become something different.
Something other than this mess that I've become.

White walls enclose me.
Slowly, they get closer.
They shrink around me until there is no room to breathe.
I take in a ragged breath,
hoping that someone will come and break me free.
...no one comes.

White walls enclose me.
I know that I don't enjoy being locked inside this cage,
who would?
But at the same time,
I don't think that I would enjoy being free.
Is it wrong to think that I should be trapped?
That I should be controlled?
I don't think so.

White walls enclose me.
They are so close,
I would venture to say that they run along my skin,
that they are a part of me.
These are the white walls that will forever run my life.
I'm not the only one who has them.
I'm not the first to feel trapped and alone,
even though I know that it is all my fault.
I know that I could break free anytime,
but instead,
I just wait,
staring at
white walls.

The Japanese have a saying,
we show one face to the world,
one face to our family and closest of friends,
and one face,
to no one but ourselves.

I am lying to you.
I am not who I say I am.
While I am not completely insane,
and I am not a criminal,
I am not as perfect as you see me.

Maybe we're all,
a little insane,
and a little criminal.

But none the less,
we're all normal.

Has anyone ever felt as sad as I am right now?
Said Jeremiah.
That's the heart breaking,
earth shattering,
bone crushing,
part of a chorus that is sung on forever by humanity.

I am on my knees,
thanking a god I might never get to see.
I am on my knees thanking him for a life,
of which no one wants to see!

We think we are alone,
we think we are unique,
and because of this,
we think that no one else understands what it's like.

Walk a mile in my shoes,
they say.
But they never end up saying that they already have.

This is because they got new shoes.
This is not to mean they don't remember,
sprinting a 5K called life,
barefoot.
This not to mean they don't have regrets,
or they didn't ever find love,
or they didn't ever UNDERSTAND!

...this is merely a saying,
that says they got new shoes.

They took their lives into their own hands and turned around their perspective.

You can too.

You are alive.
This isn't Frankenstein where life isn't real.
You are alive. And that,
is the true gift.

You.
Are.
Alive.

With video games where you're reborn,
to movies where life continues in the afterlife,
you are constantly persuaded to believe that,
nothing ends.

Everything ends eventually,
including you.
But as for right now,

You.
Are.
Alive.

You might not fit in,
and you might not be perfect,
but you are yourself,
isn't that enough?

Isn't being alive on a planet,
where it was a miracle for life to even begin,
enough?
If it isn't,
then what is?

107,000,000,000 people have lived on this planet.
and you are one of them.
Take that and run,
or take that and stand.

Speak your mind.
Don't ignore opportunity.
Do what you desire.

Because one day,
you won't have that chance anymore.
You'll be silenced by the epidemic of the universe,
death.

I remember a time when I wasn't happy.
I would torture myself for it because I believed that it was my fault.
I would look down at myself like I deserved to bleed.
Like I deserved this pain.

Now,
I'm still not happy.
And it's still my fault.
And I still torture myself for it.
But instead of making my pain appear on my arms,
it only appears in my head.

Have you ever thought about that?
Have you ever thought about how you have no clue what that kid across the table goes to sleep thinking about?
I'm not sure about you,
but I don't have a single friend,
of which I've known long enough to tell what I lie awake thinking about.

It is shameful that I am having these emotional breakdowns almost every night,
but my own mother doesn't even notice.

It is shameful that instead of asking me what it wrong,
the person who should love me unconditionally,
lectures me because I didn't apologize for something I should have.

I'M SORRY.

...all I can say,
is that...I am tired of living this lie.
I am tired of living with a mask on my face.

It is shameful that the human race can't think with empathy instead of thinking about what they're going to say next.

Now, look at what I just said.
I didn't say whites,
I didn't say blacks,
Mexicans,
Asians,
Chinese,
Korean,
Filipino,
Arabic,
Jewi­sh,
Spanish,
Puerto Rican,
I didn't say any of those terms.
I said,
"Human Race".
I leave that with you to think about.