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858 · Apr 9
A gift
Angelo Apr 9
I was given a gift by my parents
A present I did not understand for a long time
It was a doll, so to say,
a puppet in the shape of a person
Not anyone I knew at the time,
but someone I would come to love
And that gift was called "life."

And I did not see myself in that gift
To be honest sometimes I still don't
I kept it, sure, but not pristine
I let it break, rip and tear
As I dragged it along with me.

Sometimes I looked in its eyes
And saw the darkness deep down
The problems that perhaps would never go away
And I got scared of it
Swore it wasn't my gift
That it wasn't my fault
And perhaps it wasn't indeed
Yet my responsibility it still remained
And continued to drag it, I still did.

But even with the mold and rust within
A speck of light would always shine through
Not always, and not even perfectly
Yet it was stubborn and unyielding
Almost as if on purpose, to be noticed
And notice it, I did.

So I try to sew its wounds shut
Needle, thread, stuffing and love
Some are tougher to mend, for sure
And there are some that appear incomprehensible
I don't even know where to start looking

Sometimes I even question if it is worth this effort
But I was given the most important gift
And I'll continue to patch it up, for as long as I can
You will only receive a gift like this once
And I will never give up on it
608 · Aug 2021
Hangman
Angelo Aug 2021
Words can cause happiness unlike any other
Words can cause distraught of the worst kind
Words can comfort those we hold dear
Words can anguish those we hate
Words can express our deepest convictions
Words can express our darkest opinions
Words can help those who listen
Words can hurt all who listen
Words can be easy to blurt out
Words can never be fully taken back
Words can make someone smile
Words can force one into exile
Words can save a person's life
Words can hang a person's throat
Words can affect one more than we imagine
Words can affect one more than we imagine
Words can speak truths
Words can tell lies
Words can help you relax
Words can give you panic attacks
Words can convey love and care
Words can leave you filled with guilt and dread

It doesn't matter what and how you said it
Those words have now injured me so
And a fool that I was, to think you could understand
That I cannot find the words to describe the pain I've felt
That I cannot find the words that mention what my mind feels like
That I cannot find the words to fight back your yells
That I cannot find the words that explain why I act this way
That I cannot find the words that say how you hurt me
That I cannot find the words that you used to compliment me
Although this last one might be, because they never were there to begin with

Alas, no words come out when I need them the most
But I don't care anymore
As I know no matter what words I might say
You will only see the words that you want to see
Even if they came from you, and not me
That's how it will always be
An apple doesn't fall far from the tree
Just had my first panic attack because of words of anger. Needed to vent.
561 · Aug 2023
I shouldn't be here
Angelo Aug 2023
What cruel joke by the universe
To allow me to exist:
A broken ****** and a family nurse
Is what began the disappointment list.

And fate tried to correct its mistake
giving this child a horrible infection.
Yet by miracle, and with every birthday cake,
this undue life would continue to go on.

Following close to me is the misfortune
common accidents, broken hearts, and more.
No matter the prayers done to the full moon,
bit by bit these small things, my heart tore.

The voices in my head try to coerce me
To make me finish what life has started
A simple cut and I would be free
Of all the doubts my heart comparted.

And how come every decision feels like the wrong one
Even when it is completely out of your hands
Now happiness and excitement, inside me there is none
As fate will never acknowledge my plans

When I get close to achieving my goals
the heart will panic, it must all be a lie.
And deep inside this voice, sure it grows
"You will never do anything good with your life"

And this sabotage works
And my screams are heard by no one
My cries are dry when needed
My smile can no longer hide the sadness
My mind feels like a prison
And her arms feel like a shelter
Yet I know I can't abuse it
Because I know how much it hurts her
To see me suffering like this

She deserves the best the world can offer
Yet all she got, was good old me.

So I'll continue on my borrowed time
See how far I can still push it
Will I still be a burden to all, or will I rise when I fall?
I don't know.
But I sure wish to see it.
285 · Sep 2020
We were friends, pt. 1
Angelo Sep 2020
We were friends
I met him by chance
Some ******-bags tormented him
I picked up his notebooks from the ground
And we walked until we arrived home

We spent a lot of time together
My friends thought he was weird
I did not mind
We had a lot of fun
Like kids running on the playground

We had our bad moments
There were arguments over silly things
We listened to the wrong people
But whenever I needed
He was always there

We kissed each other
At first it was a shock
I had never thought about him that way
But the whole thing felt so natural
And at the same time so new

We grew apart
Our paths diverged
With an ocean of distance
And a crowd of new stuff
To ensure our isolation
Could/should be read side by side with part 2, and then followed by part 3
280 · Sep 2020
We were friends, pt. 2
Angelo Sep 2020
We were friends
She appeared all of a sudden
Wen my world crushed me
She lifted me from the bleeding ground
And accompanied me through the streets

We spent a lot of time together
The others looked at her, surprised
They didn't understand our laughter
Even my family furrowed their brows
But I savored every second

We had our bad moments
She got tired of my dumbness
And listened to others' stupidity
They always tore her apart
But she didn't deserve to be alone

We kissed each other
I don't know how my body did that
Every cell of my body shook
But that felt so right
So many feelings awakening

We grew apart
My work locked me here
To the other side of the world she would go
To meet guys who didn't deserve her
I don't even know if i deserved her
Could/should be read side by side with part 1, and then followed by part 3
181 · Jun 4
Black Cat
Angelo Jun 4
She has not come home
It is cold outside right now
Please come back Nora
Seriously, i'm scared, it's been two weeks and she's still missing
173 · Oct 2020
Where potatoes come from
Angelo Oct 2020
The sun shined to all that day
Gardens flowered
Kids ran
People were born
People died
She smiled
And life moved on

The afternoon's warm cheered all
Everyone moved
Many danced
Several twirled
Some tripped
She sang
And time passed

The night arrived bringing comfort
The sky darkened
The horizon disappeared
The sun hid
The watch fell
She went to her room
And the tomorrow was uncertain

The noises grew silent that early dawn
The moon shined
The wind howled
Life rested
She dreamed
And everything continued
The French usually have the answers ;)
154 · Oct 2020
We were friends, pt. 3
Angelo Oct 2020
We were friends
In fact, we were more than that
But in the end
That which we both were
Forged a lot of what we now are

Even if we no longer see each other
We will always be a part of one another
A bond unbreakable by humanity or time
An unchangeable section of our history as persons
And that is truly an amazing thing.
Could/should be read after both parts 1 and 2.
115 · Oct 2020
The Jailer
Angelo Oct 2020
Sweet and small, my pretty sparrow
Wish my mood was just as narrow
So beautiful is your entire plume
How your rust hides all your gloom
But how come your cage is so small?
Almost makes me, in pity, bawl
I remember when first my eyes you drew
And for your beauty, I locked you
Now no longer I can see you fly
Which truly makes me think, and sigh:
If I am the one who trapped the sparrow,
Does that mean, I am not the hero?
An untranslated Portuguese version is available at https://bit.ly/2G6dPw9
Angelo Aug 2020
Oh how quaint, lil' golden flower
That we should meet on this far corner
In this here dark and lonesome hour
Oh how beautiful is this honor

To sit beside you in quiet bliss
And eager to pretend that all is fine
To be someone who no one would miss
Oh how I wish that you were mine

And in your petals, I'd see the face
Of a figure that longed inside my mind
And shout a sigh, with no sign of grace:
Oh how could I leave you behind

What could be done? What could be said?
In heaven or Earth, do such answers lie?
The shackles torn, forever they bled
Oh how truly dumb am I?

Oh how quaint, my self esteem, my hearts
Had caused you pain in a spit of wine
Lil' golden flower, now wilted in parts
Oh how I wish that you were mine

— The End —