And she sat alone
In some filthy bar,
surrounded with smoke covered dreams,
Sweaty men
And bottomless drinks.
Aching for what she had lost,
All the time
wondering
if she was pretty enough
or smart enough-
And while she sat
she realized
That no one ever was,
and no one ever could be.

She had magnetic innocence
that pulled people to her in tides,
people with broken lives
and shawshank prisons in their heads,
people with duct taped memories
bursting against the seams.
And yet..
she still wonders why
she cries in rivers
filled with their pain
and her own.

**** you mean more to me than words can explain, yet you put me through this pain, again and again.  

Here I am, just awaiting the day, waiting for you to say "I love you more than words can say"

Feels like I'll just keep waiting and even when it's tiring and I feel like giving in,

I'll still be here.

Cause I won't give up, I can't give in, this is worth more than just living,  

This is existing.

Breathing.

Everything.

Thats what you've been to me, what you are to me, what you'll always be.  

The existence of me.  

An extension of living,

And with every breath I breathe, I believe you are for me,

So...

I inhale with your name on my lips,
I exhale with your face on my mind.

And everytime I think of you, I imagine you think of me too.

So everyday I'm here patiently waiting and you're out there living,  

Remember my name,
Remember my face

This place,  
This existence of me.

And everytime I breathe, your love fills my lungs...

and if I die before you come....

**Remember I breathed my last breath with your name on my tongue.

snapshot memories
lay scattered in silence.
An abundance of unclean
and hazy lives interconnect
before me, dodging and weaving
in disarray
some overlap
and others steer far apart,
but all are destined to be something.
And far apart from these, my life;
a torn edged, blurry photograph
lies in the middle,
moon light burns its edges
and sunlight fades its image
wind and rain thin its paper
but still it remains;
with possibilities beyond
what i or anyone else can imagine,
and so i sit from afar
gazing at this wonderland..
this ancient ritual of connections
that we call life,
teary eyed at its condition
and in this
try to find comfort in my
constant confusions.

The hole in my chest is condemned.
Not only by my hand but the hands of others who place loose bandaids over the hole they've left.  
together they all lay,
carelessly placed across this cavern of darkness,
Some placed taught, but weakened over time by none other the pitter patter of my heart beat.
I am my own worst enemy.
My thoughts wearing down the strung mesh placed over the open wound, and as I watch the bandaid wither away, I try and convince myself it'll heal better in the open air.

01:52 am
have you ever asked yourself like why you so lonely?*

01:53 am
or empty?

that maybe you give too much of your essence to people and never leave any of you for yourself

01:55 am
i know i do

02:05 am
and like that's maybe why i get so attached to humans

because in them,
i find myself

02:07 am
i need to change, because things shouldn't be this way

02:10 am
but it's hard sometimes you know, when most days you don't leave the house because you feel unworthy of the space you take up

02:16 am
so you'd much rather disintegrate into soil because you've become all too familiar with people stepping over you and admiring the outcome of your beauty but never the roots of your pain

02:19 am
i spend so much effort watering people in order for them to grow and hardly get enough sun shine to feed my own soul

02:25 am*
because i don't know how to do anything else but care for everyone but myself