i'm feeling too numb. i miss the adrenaline rush, i miss the laughter, i miss the feeling of automatically smiling to anything that's related to you. but i don't miss you. i'm just reminiscing and thinking that what if i never feel that again? what if i never find anyone to share those moments with? what if i'm just one of those people who's not meant for anyone else? am i overreacting? will the loneliness and over-thinking eat me up? i'm feeling numb inside and the despair is starting to show in my face. i don't have the energy to fake emotions, or meet anyone new. i'm afraid. i'm numb. i'm lost. i'm in need of happiness. i need to be go back to the way i was. it was temporary happiness but i'd wish to have it all over again. one of the best days of my life were with you and i don't know if i should thank you for them or hate you for not being the person i thought you were.

Put your hands inside my face
Let your fingers trace
The tears the mistakes
******* smile
Let it melt into yours
The lines that creep across your cheek
That's where it starts
That's the heart of it
Feel a part of this
The flicker of recognition in your eyes
The ignition
Simplicity comes as an epiphany
Thoughts questions dissipate
As separately we come to the conclusion that the inclusion
Isn't a far fetched illusion
Or a delusionary tactic aimed to hijack the effects that affect the final outcome

What was, is done,
What will come, will come.
When I'm finished,
I shall be who I truly AM

Circumstances shall change.
People will still be here or they will be gone.
Who knows.

What I  know is, what I let in,
Is my decision to make on my own.
I shall dimand the changes I find fit,
For myself ALONE.

I'm shedding the passive ways of living.
And taking action and forgiving.
I shall NOT take any unwanted weight from the past,
Into the new Life, I chose, I WANT!

I shall not crumble, I will keep having faith
In all I DO in all I AM and BECOME.
I will NOT and cannot wait.
I Am from now on my own Saviour who will never be late.

Because I AM the master of my fate!

Thank you Twenty One Pilots for all you've done for the broken people.
You've cured some of the ones who have tried their suicidal session.
You've shown us that you know what it feels like to suffer.
You've told us that the hardest nights will get brighter when the sun comes up, and we can try again.
You've been a friend when we've needed one the most.
You've described the destructive thoughts as metaphors that we can find hope from.
You've combined ukulele music with screamo and made it art.
You've given us lyrics to find the motivation to keep going.
You've told us to stay alive, so that's what we do.
Stay alive |-/

I am obsessed,
With an unreasonable,
Amount of pilots.

The world I want to live in,
It's that world
Where your childlike twinkle
Those fumes of pink ignorance behind what you'd call sweetness
Never have to leave

As we'd never have to fear
Men behind closed doors
Women behind them too
We'd never think of prisons

An alley where
Our parent holds our hand to pulls us away
Would be alien to us as the day we were born
And painfully born

A world in which
I'd never have had to learn to lie
Where my smile could be taken seriously
And my brother's eyes

Twinkled in all and out
Full of
Misunderstanding
For that thing we call deception

We'd tilt our heads
And smile
To the tears of stories long gone
We'd be the puzzles the past learnt to fix

In my world

Nothing I have body nor soul to swing
But whatever remains I can just bring
I do appreciate in company, can see spring
From heart to heart there remains a string

lovers go through a severe test of patience
Even being totally crippled carry cadence
It mostly remains hidden in the conscience
Its fragrance carries hindrance after hindrance

Beauty is what instigates fire in the love
Peace celebrates itself like innocent dove
Under the circumstance chance left is bow
Who knows from where love crops ,how

Col Muhammad Khalid Khan
Copyright 2016 Golden Glow