I didn't get to hold him, like I wanted to.
GOD but I wanted too.
I didn't get look at him like I wanted, admire it for what it was.
Something.... beautiful.
I didn’t get to feel his touch, to fall on cloud nine
So much I yearn for it.
Nevertheless, I realized that I never really got to enjoy my first love.
Yet I fell so hard.

Alright, perhaps I'm listless

Drained, by my past now gone

So, please don't get ahead of yourself  

You won't find what you're hoping for

But I do hope you're not disappointed

I can only be who I am, to who I try to be



But if you so choose to go on with me

I hope you remember what was said from the beginning



Don't tell me that you love me
Because I won't love back
Don't tell me that you need me
Because I don't need that
Don't tell me that you want me
Because I'm on my own



So,  

When it all start to whittle

Remember every bit of what was said, every bit of it  


Yes, maybe I want to be by myself

Not wanting anyone else

But I'm not



For I truly hope you're not disappointed

I could only be who I am, to who I try to be

But if you so dare, to go on

Don't you use those words, those gestures,  

Or even make promises that hold no meaning to you

Because to me they will and once they do I hold on to them

While I'm easily crippled, to be repaired with side effects.

If I was to be honest I don't know either.

You sleep peacefully unbothered. Whilst I lay in agony next to you. God I can’t stand it.
Your supposed to make everything better but it feels like your irrelevant to that purpose.
Then why am I still here?

Where do I go?

I can’t depend on YOU. I’m learning that. I hope that changes because I want to.
Surprisingly regardless of how useless you are I still love you.


I knew from the beginning you couldn’t do for me what I prayed but yet I stayed in this course with you.
What do I see in you?
You can’t provide me with my basic needs
What do I see in you?
Just what **** is this?


Is this all based of science in which I can’t help but need you?
I don’t want anyone else. I don’t feel like I need anyone else to be with. There is no other option but you and why is that?


Maybe I am blind at the moment with thoughts that push aside my feelings, because I’m not getting anywhere. This is a mystery yet to be solved.
I’m going to sleep now.


Good Night to the love of my life.