You see a girl who's always smiling,
A girl who always manages to think positive,
A girl who never backs down from a fight,
What you don’t is a girl who is crying on the inside,
What you don’t see is a girl who has an everyday battle with a razor blade,
What you don’t see is a girl who is terrified to speak up in a crowd,
You see a girl who stands tall,
A girl that makes any situation fixable,
A girl that many people enjoy being around,
What you don’t see is the pain hidden inside,
What you don’t see is a girl who is terrified to mess up,
What you don’t see is the feeling of hatred she can’t get out of her head,
You see a girl who can laugh even when she’s broken
A girl that seems strong as stone on the outside,
A girl who so easily makes friends,
What you don’t see are the tears she just wiped from her cheek,
What you don’t see is the emotional and mental scars that have taken over her body,
What you don’t see is a girl who fears the next day it’s the day they could find out her past.

I swear, we said
this is the most beautiful fall
of them all

that death
has never caught our breath
never made us say
why can't we all live this way?

How beautiful, we noticed
it is not to resist
being missed

to feel with the seasons
without questioning reason
and let time color the leaves
to dance in the breeze

How humbled, we felt
watching them fall to the street
knowing it would not be the last time we meet.

We chase and chase around the clock
never reaching eachother
maybe one day far from here
we'll be with one another
but for now all we can do is
chase through time to be together
hearing the ticking sound as we run
only to see eachother across the clock

As i felt the dying warmth of your embrace around my body,
I knew it was going to be the last time for a while.
Being a part of military families,
Our lives can change in an instant.  
The way we fit so perfectly together,
Like a jigsaw puzzle,
We were one.
I could feel our hearts beating in sync,
And your body shaking as you sobbed onto my clavicle,
Your tears,
Puddling,  
Staining my shirt.
Your long, light brown hair was tickling my face.
The somber grey skies closing in around us,
The deserted hotel parking lot,
It was as though the weather was reflecting our emotions,
And the empty lot resembling the fresh hole in my heart.
I could feel the drops of rain starting to fall onto my back.
As I slowly pulled away,
I took one last look at
Your mascara stained cheeks,
Lighted by the fading Holiday Inn sign,
And a thousand memories flashed through my mind,
But, I knew this was not the last farewell.

I was red.
I was in love with a boy who’s
Love was so pure and true.
Everytime I saw him,
I was as happy as a ******* the first date.
He is my sunrise.
His smile is the sun,
Lighting up my life.

But then suddenly,
I was blue.
Our love turned to
Sheer and utter sadness.
Everytime I see him,
It’s as though,
I am being ran over by a car,
Then having someone jump on my corpse.
His smile is now the reason,
I’m awake at 2 am, cursing his name.

Now I’m purple.
A painful mixture of
Love and hurt.
In the process of healing.
Stuck between I want love
And I want to be loved.

and it rains- through my nose
out my mouth, trickling down my mind
leaving my knees weak, on my toes
it rains over my hips, crumpling my thighs
it leeches the strength of my shoulders, it leaks
between my fingers- it rains from my eyes
and it rains into my ears, it rains all over here
it rains over my face and under my chin,
and it rains in heaven and in sin, it rains
on good and bad and warm and cold
it rains leaving both the young and the old
it rains through happy and lost and pain
it rains on you and on me just the same.

"Where does it hurt?"
Everywhere
"Specifically?"
I guess right here
"Your heart?"
Yeah
"That's not a good sign"
"How long has it hurt"
A while I guess
"When is it worse?"
At night and sometimes day
"This could be serious"
"We will take you up for a scan"
Doctor?
"Yes?"
*Please make it go away

Just when I start to thinking
I am finally moving on
I look around and discover
You’re still gone.
I’m finding out how many
Hours until each dawn
By counting my own tears
Since you’re gone.

I tell myself to grow up
And then I want to throw up.
I feel like something died
And it’s right here inside.

I’m not making plans at all
I’m an ineffective pawn
To fate and all her harpies
On a limb halfway sawn.
I brought all this on myself,
I lie awake and I yawn
And hope when I wake up
I’ll find you’re not gone.

My life feels like it’s over
Like I’ll never have another
Chance to be in love like this
That yours was my last kiss.

Just when I start to thinking
I am finally moving on
I look around and discover
You’re still gone.
I’m finding out how many
Hours until each dawn
By counting my own tears
Since you’re gone.

I like cussin’
I even researched the word.
It ain’t cussin’
There’s an R that is not heard.
We’re talking of cursing,
The taking of God’s name in vain,
Back when it was blasphemy.
Those days will never come again.

It ain’t the same way
Like it was back in those times
When spitting on the sidewalk
Was a jailing crime
And black people had to walk
Down in the gutter.
There were words back then that
Decent folks didn’t utter.

Well, I ain’t religious.
I don’t go to any church at all.
It ain’t that I am evil;
I’m not riding for some fall.
But there are times
Like when you hammer your thumb
That saying “Oh fudge!”
Sounds just plain old **** dumb.

I am not sending
Anything or anyone here to hell.
It’s just helps
To say hell or **** or fuckaduck
When you have to yell.
A shuckydern don’t fit the bill like
A shouted “****”
When you are *******, raving
Ready to spit.

I totally understand
That some words have a place.
Calling people *******
Can be seen as a huge disgrace.
But I still insist
That many times in a conversation
The word *******
Just fits the momentary occasion.

So, scoff if you will.
I’ll try to play by your nicey-nice rules,
But there are people
What are nothing but ******* fools.
I do hope you pardon
My not liking any more pleasant words
When someone says
The dumbest **** I have ever heard

we both were stirred from our slumber when
you smiled and said, "Hello."
I opened my eyes, smiled at your sweet smile,
and said, "Good morning."
We looked at one another for awhile before you
asked how I was doing, how I was feeling, and
if my dreams so far had been sweet.
I told you I was okay and that I was feeling better.
It was the first time you've ever seen me cry.
I had never planned on it, and I mumbled how sorry
I was the entire time, but you still tried your best to console me.

My dreams had been awful, but all I said was that I couldn't remember.
I didn't want to keep you up any longer, because we both needed sleep.
So I asked you the same questions, and then I said that we should try to sleep again.
You snuggled back into your pillow with your adorable yellow blanket and
with your glasses on and I said, "I really appreciate you, okay?"
Your face became serious as you told me that you feel the same for me as well.

"Goodnight, please have sweet dreams. You deserve them."