I stopped smoking
In case you were wondering
I don't know why you would
But I did

I still remember the last time I did it
It was that night
You were there
I think about that night more than you do
How it went,
Should have gone,
You were

Crying about some one else
I just listened
I watched the smoke
Thinking it wasn't delicate
But dangerous
It reminded me of you

Tonight I'm really ******* craving a cigarette

I'm not Bukowski
I don't care what you say
I'm not Bukowski
You never said I was but I don't care
I'm still not Bukowski
No, it's not pretentious to compare myself to him
I can say I'm not Bukowski
I don't write poems about degrading women while I ****

I'm just brushing my teeth in a gas station bathroom
Thinking about this poem
Or whatever it is
Thinking about you
I miss you emotionally and sexually
And I'm drunk

But I'm still not Bukowski
**** I wish I was
He'd know how to end this
I have no idea how to end this
Poem
These feelings
I'm not ******* Bukowski

I can't be here and not with you
I can't pretend you're not on my mind
Your pretty hair
Your pretty eyes
and a smile that can light up this whole place
I know you could be my shining star but you're lost out in space

I kept hoping over cracks only to fall hopelessly into holes. I continued to skip over bumps, only to be tripped by the mountains.

I see a ribbon dancing
When I close my eyes
I wonder at its purpose;
Too soon the image dies

Might it thread through silken hair,
Or adorn an elegant frock?
Lace a dainty slipper,
Or flaunt a shiny rock?

Ah, I see it clear--
The purpose of this band
'tis meant to be a noose
To still this heart and hand.

You are low
And you hurt me
In ways you'll
Never know

Am I? Am I

good enough? Looking at my reflection through this broken mirror. Maybe it's just showing me what I really am on the inside.

         I don't know... I never did. Slowly sliding down this brick wall, the coldness cooling down my heated flesh, Curling up into a ball wrapping my arms around me like its a life line.
        I mumble to myself "am I? Am I good enough?"  for you to hurt and betray me then I must not be.

     But that's ok, I can never say no to you no matter how hard I try. Your touch, your breath, your words... are like poison that runs through my veins.
      But its alright because for a moment I felt alive, not anymore, no those days are over. I'm dead inside. It's just an endless void of darkness swirling all around me that I can't seem to get out of.

     It's all right, I take last glance at my bleeding wrist and say to myself "I was never good enough anyways" slowly  my vision fades I'm starting to feel free, then...it goes black.