Shane Michael Stoops

Apr 5

rick

vacancy

the girls I danced with
I never wrote songs about

the girls I kissed under bursts of fireworks
I never won carnival prizes for

the girls I entered the sheets with
I never made a deeper connection

the girls who gave me their best
I never understood their motives

and I wondered where they all went and
why we parted ways like cathedral doors
and why they took the hand of other monsters and vanished into the night.

I was too naive to notice
all the red flags waving behind me
and too dense to turn around
and open my eyes.

but now I face this dry vacancy
and I see they’re
intertwined with their domestics
constricted with their marriages
taunting their husbands
commanding their boyfriends
obsessed with their photo albums
cramming belief and guidance into their children

its the same unabridged story
told over and over
and over and over
again.

I too, sit with this adverse outcome:
this one wants me to quit drinking
and that one wants me on a diet
and this one wants me to get a better job
and that one wants me to exercise more.

I’ve never been one to rest on my laurels,
but as I lay down in this bed with this one
like so many buried cold beneath the Earth,
I can’t stop thinking of those angels from my past that have flown off into other heavens.

I was never deserving
of their time nor
their presence

and I am neither
here nor
there.

#poem #prose #vacancy #mistreated #neverappricated #tookforgranted #regret #naive

Apr 5

Thomas W Case

She Visits on the Cold Wind

Out of nowhere
a thought of you
will hit my mind,
like a poison dart.
I don't know what
triggers it.
Tonight, I think it's
the cold wind blowing
outside my window.
Or, it could be the
tangerine I just ate.
That sweet juice.
It doesn't last
though.
Gone in a flash.
Too small for a
lifetime together.
And I'm alone with
this bright orange pain,
vowing never to write
about you again.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICWIGqf62Kw
Here is a link to my YouTube channel where I read my poetry from my recently published books.

It's Just a Hop, Skip, and Jump to the Madhouse, Seedy Town Blues Collected Poems, available on Amazon.

www.thomaswcase.com

#pain #memory #cold

Apr 5

PhantomDreamer

A new kind of Triumph ( a battle cry)

Today
marks the day
of a new kind of Triumph

My whole life I have sought your approval and praise
Knowing that in me you were always ashamed
Humans have always feared what they don't understand
But I am done being cut by the knife in your hand

Today is my freedom, I've escaped the cage!
Now your attention I no longer crave
I've taken the knife from your bloodied embrace
I've taken my freedom and I won't leave a trace

I've been held back and held down for far too long
What you see as my weaknesses are what make me strong
I know I am an oddity, a wild one, a mystery
But my twisted mind's what allows me to truly see!

I see when the end justifies all the means
I'm learning to listen to the voice in my dreams
Battle cries are everywhere and I know now to listen
I've been Awakened and through Triumph have risen

I see your embarrassment from my strange behaviors
But today I see past all your noise and distraction
I no longer care what you see when you look at me
Not ashamed or afraid, today I am free!

You didn't like the way I listen to music- so called it "cultish" and told me I couldn't do it in public, even in the car since people could see through the windows
You despise the fact that I'm bi- so you call it "identity issues" and tell me to tell no one
My plurality scares you- so you say it's dangerous and to keep it to myself
You don't understand my daydreaming- so you say I do it for attention
You despise how I stand up to you and speak for what's right- so you shut me down and tell me I'm the problem
Any time I try to tell you the pain you are causing me, you turn me into the bad guy
I may have no power now, but someday, when I walk out the door and never see you again, perhaps you will be cured of your Machiavellian, narcissistic, emotionally abusive evil before you hurt any more people.
Today I Triumph: for YEARS I have wished I didn't care what you thought of me, wished it didn't hurt when you emotionally abused and gaslit me, and made it clear how ashamed you were to even be around me and my uniqueness. It's as if you're allergic to color and individuality and anything different than your bland narrowmindedness. I'm the one who should be embarrassed for you! It's tragic!
Today, I finally broke free of the cage that was your judgement. I no longer feel the need to prove myself to you or even talk to you. We're fine on our own. We are finally, finally learning that we can't trust any of you, no matter how much you guilt-trip us into believing you're good people. You made us what we are. It has been hell, but we are grateful to you, because now we are special, strong, Enlightened! You call us crazy because you are afraid we may be right. You will never change, will always choose to abuse instead of treat us how we deserve. You have broken so much inside of us, things that will never be fixed. But we've built new ways of surviving, ways people may call insane or cruel, but we do what we have to to keep ourselves safe. We will never be able to stop loving you despite it all, but we no longer need you and you can no longer hurt us. Maybe someday we, or I, at least, may be able to forgive you.
Alii Semper Vincemus!

#aliisempervincemus #metamorphosis #monster #triumph #awakening #battlecry #vent #emotionalabuse #toxic #theothers

Apr 5

rose hopkins

First frost

First frost
riming the landscape
A white dawn
Announced by the crow's harsh call
The waning moon hanging
In a cloudless sky
As the rising sun's rays
Twinkle on the frosted fields.

Repost on this frosty day

Shane Michael Stoops Apr 2

48 It’s Not Great, It’s Just Old

48, forty eight
Another year
It ain’t so great turning 48
Your teeth done fell out
Everybody screaming what’s that stench coming from your mouth?
Or is it your ***?
Who knows but you stink and everyone is plugging their nose
It’s quite a combination of Ben Gay and Support ***** hose
Yep, you suddenly smell like the yoga room at the old folks home
When you turn 48 it’s suddenly surgeries galore
Broken bones and you can’t get up off the floor
The kids are yelling, **** you’re old
And you’re walking around in a blanket when it’s 80° degrees cause you’re always cold
Like a loaf of bread, your beginning to mold
When you turn 48 that’s old
It’s walkers with tennis *****, Garage sales, And haggling over a dime
You need to get a watch because you’re asking everybody if they got the time
You can’t wait for it to be over
You’re not feeling fine
Don’t forget to pay your life insurance or they won’t pay a dime
They’ll throw you to the vultures
It happens all the time
Turning 48 is like committing a crime

#funny #old #laughs #birthdays #humor

Shane Michael Stoops Apr 2

Unspoken Words

Father please hear me, I have something to say,
These are my words, they won’t go away.
I have longed for them to be answered, day after day,
From the time I was a little boy
To the man I am standing here today
I am burdened with your silence like a heavy weight on my chest,
Living in your shadow
I have always tried to do my best.
Through every single failure
success,
Through every single fall
I have waited for something—anything at all.
Have I ever made you proud,
Do I belong?
Am I just guessing,
Was I always in the wrong?
I have looked in your eyes, they never would tell, they never would say, now you’re leaving, about to die today, I fear they never will, I fear you won’t even try.
Still, I am here, if you are wondering why, my heart is torn, a son who has waited since the day he was born, for a father‘s pride, a father‘s love, anything for his father to finally be proud of, but………..
Dad it is okay, if you have no words, If you cannot say, you’re proud of your son here today, then please take my hand, don’t let this moment slip away. I will always love you
Today tomorrow and yesterday.
R.I.P Stacey Lynn Stoops(DAD)
10/28/1954~08/2023

Our relationship was complicated, but I love(d) him anyway. He was my father, and he has visited me since his passing, and made his amends. He has told me he is proud of me, and that is all that matters.

#father #son #family #love #peace #closure #death