It's always his smile that makes me melt.
His smile that tickles my soul, even when it's dark in the room.
I try to cast a cold facade,
But his warm eyes and easy going laugh turn me into a puddle.
His sweet words roll off his tongue and straight into my heart.
His big, muscular hands match up with mine.
He pokes fun at my little baby hands,
But kisses each finger with his plump brown lips.
Those decadent lips.
We giggle sweet nothings back and forth,
But those moments,
Those words,
They mean everything.
I sit up and stretch my arms.
He traces my body and kisses my back.
The three words I've longed to hear,
Finally escaping his breath.
I smile and melt back into him
As he pulls the covers over us.

The pain
The anger
The tears
All of it is worth it
Because I get you at the end of the day.

I get you.
Your ****-face grin with the crooked teeth.
Your long, muscular arms with the milk chocolate stretch marks.
Your strong thighs with the rugby scars.
Your tender kisses with the love behind them.
Your stupid jokes mumbled under your breath.
Your warm cuddles during our sweaty sleep.

I get it all.
That's why I endure the fights,
The lack of responses,
The drunken nights out.
Because the good far outweighs the bad,
And I get you.

I look at the way my hand fits against yours.
Your light brown hand and my little baby hand.
You kiss my fingers one by one.
The sweet nothings you whisper in my ear mean everything to me.
As I stroke your chest and look into your dark brown eyes flecked with love and my own personal sunrise.
As I kiss your bicep and hear you tell me you love me.
As I climb on top of you and feel our bodies join together.
As I bend over and press my lips against yours while laughter escapes our smiles.
As I put my hands in yours and realize they are the hands I want to hold forever.
As I feel your eyes on my bare body and I'm finally okay with what you're seeing.

I love the thought of us.

The hand holding.
The romantic morning walks.
The Christmas card pictures.
The hand made birthday gifts.
The 2 am *****.
The 4 am pizza slices.
The funny videos we sent via text.
The giggles and gripes over bad puns.
The Friday night dinners and movies.
The matching concert tees.
The Sunday morning rainy drives.
The cups of coffee shared over a newspaper.
The lethargic post-*** cuddles.
The passionate pre-*** kisses.

I just really ******* hate you.

I want to feel beautiful.
To feel confident
To feel loved
To feel beautiful.

Who stole my beautiful?
Where did it go?
It was just here...

But then someone pointed out how fat I am.
They noticed my acne
and my mom jeans.
They asked if I had ever had a boyfriend,
And laughed when I shook my head no.
They told me I was the reason there were waves in the pool
And told me my swimsuit was ugly.
They said my hair was greasy
And I kind of smelled.
They asked why I had to shop at Catherine's
And why not Aeropostale.

They stole my beautiful.
And they weren't even sorry.

They STOLE it.
Stealing is a crime,
But not when it comes to ****** 8 year olds
Who think it's okay to hurt others.
Not when it comes to shady friends who say they can bring these things up,
"Because we're friends."
Not when it comes to judgmental family memebers
Who don't know what it's like to wear size 16 jeans.
(Actually, 18...)
(I'm embarrassed.)

Nobody stops these people from stealing.
From stealing the beautiful from
A 10 year old who already knows the worst,
But she's choosing to be confident anyway.
A 13 year old who's unloved by others,
But she's still trying so ******* hard to love herself.
A 16 year old weighing 250 pounds,
But she's exercising through the depression.
A 17 year old bent over the toilet,
Trying to lose the weight you told her was ugly,
And trying to find the beautiful you should have told her about instead.

But they stole my beautiful.
The beautiful that got me through every day.
The beautiful that reminded me size doesn't matter.
The beautiful that belongs to me.
The beautiful you took.
Like there was some kind of limited supply or something.
Like mine deserved to be stolen.
Yeah, you took that kind of beautiful.

And you left an even greater treasure behind.

You never said it out loud,
But you said it with your eyes.
With your **** deep inside me.
You told me you loved me,
Arms wrapped around me tight.
Lips pressed against my own.

****,
You didn't have to say it out loud.
You promised me everything.
You promised me the world.
With your eyes
Your ****
Your arms
Your lips

They say talk is cheap,
But I guess I should have waited for you to say it out loud,
Before I started making assumptions
and ******* this up.